Judge, 1910-03-26 · page 8 of 16
Judge — March 26, 1910 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satire: **"The Yarns of Captain Fibb"** (top) mocks tall tales and exaggeration. The narrator claims impossible feats: taming a wild reindeer, then grafting fruit tree branches onto its antlers, which supposedly bear fruit. The satire targets boastful storytelling and invokes Luther Burbank, a real botanist famous for plant grafts—the joke being that even Burbank's real science pales beside this absurd fiction. **"The Easter Hat"** (bottom) satirizes women's vanity and conspicuous consumption around fashion. A wife spends enormous time and money on an elaborate Easter bonnet, only to arrive at church and see an identical hat on another woman—seemingly a rival of lower social standing. Her mortification and rage cause her to return the hat unused. The satire critiques women's competitive display of wealth through fashion and their concern with social distinction. A brief "Evidence" joke at the bottom mocks congressmen as unremarkable.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. 1, “Say! Mr. Burbank ain't got nothin’ on me. Oncet when I wuz travelin’ on foot through dinavia I runs across a fine reindeer. Havi lasso about me, I chucked it over his horns, and be wuz mine.—— 2.—— Well, in a short time I had that animal so tame that T could ride him like a horse. We wuz a long way from anywhere and I wuz all outer provisions, so I begins to look about me fer somethin’ to eat. 3. —— Purty soon I passes an orchard with a lot of young fruit trees jist sproutin’, and then I gits an idee! I ties the deer to a tree and jumps over the wall and cuts an armful of green shoots ANY FRESH FRU! RIGHT OFF THE TRET: 4. —— Then I trims the deer's horns and splices orange, apple, and pear twigs inter ‘em, jist like Mr. Burbank grafts a peanut treeon to a watermelon bush and makes mock oranges. —— 5, —— Fry me feracrab, bovs, if them branches didn't begin to sprout right off (owin’, no doubt, tothe great amount of sap in the animal's bead), and before long I has a small tree growin’ full of orange, apple, and pear blossoms !— 6. —— And then when they gits ripe I eats me fill and rides to the nearest town and peddles the hull crop at fancy prices. Yes siree, I made enough off that deer to buy a first-class passage home. THE EASTER HAT. by BW. TerrzeL. WIFE there was, and she bought a hat (Even as your wife and mine!) With wire works and a feather fat. (We called it a turned-up tanning vat, But the wife, she called it her Euster hat, Even as your wife and mine!) Ah, the braids it took and the maids it took ‘To fashion that work of art And get it all shipshape by Saturday night (For she must have it by Saturday night) And send it home a la cart! Keay AN —< { ) A wife there was and to church she went. (Even a3 your wife and mine!) To worship? Well, hardly! But with intent (For a woman must follow her natural bent) To excite with her bonnet much discontent. (Even as your wife and mine!) Ah, the pain she felt, as to pray she knelt And found the big coup she'd planned Forestalled with the mill’ner with bonnet the same (And she knew that she knew that it was the same), Yet couldn't understand. Her face was stripped of its conscious smile (Even as your wife’s and mine!) As she saw her hat’s sister just over the aisle (Perched on a coiffure of much more style), And her pride had a fall, but her rage flared the while. (Even as your wife’s or mine!) While she wasn’t to blame that their church was the same, Though their stations were far apart, The milliner lost her best customer (Yet never knew what was the matter with her), But the bonnet went back a la cart! ceeeee pacer } ~ EVIDENCE. Miss Kicker —" What a commonplace lot of men our con- gressmen are."” Miss Snicter—"* How do you know ?"" Miss Kicker—" By the anecdotes the magazines print about them."* comicbooks.com