Judge — February 26, 1910 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hunyadi Janos Natural Laxative Water Quickly Relieves: Biliousness, Sick Headache, Stomach Disorders, CONSTIPATION ay att onuccisTs a JUDGE | Stesssesesesessoooooososes, I$ THE BALLOT BOX OF THE = lz WASTE-BASKET NUMBER NesesssesoesesseeseeseCI THE BETTER JUDGE. Epitor Jupce—The .Waste-Basket Number of Jupce parts. As an original innovation the change is pleasing. It gives writers an opportunity to meet their creations face to face, and forgive the editor his past gressions. It gives the public a chance to read for themselves some of the sins that could be committed against » ey 3 > * For Centuries Known as Chartreuse Liqueur Peres Chartreux Green AND yeLLow— TEE GRAND FINALE TO THE WORLD’S BEST DINNERS ng contest published in| them twelve months n the year, if per- At frst. clans Wine Merchants, Grocers, Motels, Cafes y Juvce, January 15th, 1910, will close mitted. Also, the editor can for a brief - ‘on March Ist, immediately after which Period sit back and study the effect of ' awards will be sent to those answering his originality, by reading the faces of same correctly. Advertising Manager, the public as they are pictured to him — 6067-122 E, Monroe St., Chicago. through their written thoughts, sugges- “| tions, and opinions, and thus deciding : : WASTE-BAS |the fitness of further continuing the ANENT THE WASTE-BASKET | He ties ce Number, gioieg | Personally I ought to be in favor of Epitor Junce —Jokes, dear Jupce, it asa regular institution—I would be a ‘¢ are a lot like dime novels—the worse | writer. But, after reading this number they are, the better we li Just carefully, I think the editor is some- step into any bookstore and ask the man_ times the better—Jup for a list of the six best sellers among Sincerely yours, the ten-centers. Ever see any mild stuff Bert Morenouse’ listed? No, siree! The more impos-| Des Muines, Ia. sible the villyun and the nearer the hero comes to being a paragon of virtue, the faster the booksellers hand them a Eprtor Jupge—My judgment would So it is with jokes. Take the aver- be to give ’em each 5 eee days, age ones from any previous issue, and| as this is a first offense. Probably after the first guffaw or two we straight-!| Kiser and Lampton and maybe some way forget them, just as we soon forget | others ought to get it harder; but this a good dinner, But those that com-| might entail hardship on their families, And Kendrick Bangs, who talked about Nay, nay! it surely could not be! prised your Waste-Basket Number! We | so make it alike to each offender. Two _ ‘‘A Winter Violet,”” The Ananias skit are snickering over them yet—surely | such issues as that would make me go. That stuck in his portfolio, Is moving slowly nowadays, not because they contained any humor | back to the Sunday-school Times for al.. And might be sticking yet; But still it crawls a bit; —and we will remember them indefi-|jeged humor. The humorist whodevised nitely, just as we have occasion to re-/ the scheme of a Waste-Basket Number And out the testimony goes! member the other kind of dinners. should suffer some penalty; but if he The Commonwealth has failed! i And never shall the Editor Sole Agents for United States COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION. UNITED STATES DISTRICT. Commonwealth of Writers vs. the Editor. ‘OT GUILTY!" And the Prisoner These three made out a darksome smiled case, A quiet, wicked grin, Corroborated, too, As any spider might, to see By little scraps of evidence The little flies drop in. That really sounded true. The Jury listened to their tales ‘And heard them all agree, And then began, alas! to doubt Their cred-i-bil-i-ty! The “‘stuff"” was good, but was it stale? And had it roamed the town? | Three witnesses, of starry mold, Bore witness to the crime, | And vowed the shameless Editor GIVE THEM NINETY DAYS. Should start at ‘‘doing time.” One Tudor Jenks swore hard and long, And murmured his “Complaint” — A really clever bit of work, Been buried in rejection slips? Quite worthy of a saint; And finally turned down? And one, the frequent Ellis Jones, Described ‘‘A Learned Man,”’ Whom these same wicked Editors * erases ee Sw, E is You forget, dear JupcE, your mis- sion is solely to amuse us; and just as one will convulse himself with laughter at the efforts of an Amateur Nighter, | and wear a puckered-up expression of | the deepest torture during the entire preceding performance of high-class artists, so can you best amuse us by | @ us more of the Waste-Basket ‘and let us laugh as we do at the ng-haired barnstormers and the stage- struck kids. Therefore, kindly permit me to cast 17,000 votes for the Waste - Basket Number. Yours and yours and yours, N. L. Manu Syracuse, N.Y. HIS WASTE-BASKET VOTE. Dear Jupce—'Tis plain to us Who read your blooming sheet, If this is humorous, Our schooling’s not complete. We frankly would suggest (With hint that may inspire) t's not the best— Why not a raging fire? authors—human quite— Their jokes no praise begrudge, While you (am I not right?) Are far the better—Jupce. Roscoe Gitmore Stott. Lansing, Mich, ‘ood cocktail should insist that sures Your ry lover of Bitters be used in making it =the very best. NO DIFFERENCE. Dear Jupce —I have just finished , your Waste-Basket Number, I must confess that if you had not unced your intention of getting out a number, I should never have «Seed the difference. you could repeat this each month, I t see why you should be put to the nse of employing an editor. Respectfully yours, Dr. L. V. Howarp. has any sense of humor and has read the result of his experiment, he has suffered enough. Very truly, J. M. ALLEN. St. Johnsbury, Vt. . ie a bottle. WANTS MORE OF THEM. Epitor JupGe—To quote from al- most any “best seller,”’ ‘‘beyond perad- venture of adoubt,’’ your Waste Basket Number is ‘‘the goods.” From Andy C. to Captain Fibb, it kept me from my work, and my copy has done as much for at least three others. Not only in work is it exception: but the idea, Waste-Basket Number, is enough to interest almost any one, if only to see how good ‘‘stuff”” is re- jected. If the contents of the Waste-Basket Number are indicative of what is turned away at your office, I envy the janitor who empties the rejected MSS. If I were he, there’d be another truly funny magazine in the market, and it would “go,” too. So here’s hoping your Valentine Num- ber won't be so full but that there'll be room for a bit from the Waste Basket. Very truly yours, Dr. Ramon Jon: Flat Rock, Ill. WANTS HIS MONEY BACK. Eprtor Jupce— Sir!*--You have ne editorial right to inflict euch a number as the Waste-Bas- | ket on your readers. You have sold me an alleged humorous paper under false pretenses. Please return my ten cents. Yours for blue-penciled humor onl. Joun P. Gucki Collingswood, N. J. 1 «This ia the correct punctuation in this case. Had placed beneath the ban. Devon, Pa. VAL. BLATZ BREWING CO., For such a crime be jailed! oY Let Writers scratch, and Jokers jest, And Poets pulse and throb; But you, Sir Editor, be quick! Get back upon your job! Ciartes Irvin Junkin. Yes, friend, giitz Is the Finest ‘Ask for lt at the lub, Oafo or Buffet. Insist on “‘Blatz”* MILWAUKEE In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com