Judge — February 26, 1910 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BROMO-~ SELTZER CURES HEADACHES 104,254,504, & $199 Bottles. ESKITOLOGY. A little igloo now and then Is relished by the Eskimen. —Nashville Tennesseean, A little whale oil, well frappéd, Is relished by the Eskimaid. —Washington Herald. A little gumdrop, this is truth, Is relished by the Eskitooth. —Detroit Free Press. A little blubber, raw or b’iled, Is relished by the Eskichild. —Cleveland Plain Dealer. The all of which shows just how hard The grind is for the Eskibard. —Buffalo Evening News. But poets might detect a gap ‘Tween truth and Peary’s Eskimap. -—Brooklyn Eagle. And think that Pear: Rejoiced to find an —Florida Times-Union, A little pemmican to chaw Is welcomed by the Eskima. —Chicago Record-Herald. We could keep this up all fall, But fear ‘twould make the Eskibawl. —St. Louis Times. ‘Tis said two gumdrops and a knife Will buy a man an Eskiwife. —Houston Post. But let us grab the good N. Pole And drop it down an Eskibole. For now has fickle fate forsook That gallant man, our Eskicook. —University of Minnesota Minnehaha, USUAL WAY WANTED. MAXIMS OF THE SEASON. Where there’s a will, chaperons don’t count. | Early to bed and early to rise and you don't meet the prominent students. A little learning is a dangerous thing, especially at this time of year (Exam, time). Busting is simply a matter of course. —Cornell Widow, OH, SLUSH! Once upon a morning foggy, I strolled over sidewalks boggy, And my feet grew quickly soggy With the water's ceaseless gush. | Heartily I cursed the weather, Could not help but wonder whether In this blame town I should ever Cease to wade about in slush— In that sticky, soft, and oozy, Famous old New Haven slush, Useful only at the rush. —Yale Record. BUT IT WAS A HARD PULL. It is hard to believe that coffee will | put a person in such a condition as it did an Ohio woman. She tells her own story: | | SHE QUIT | SWEET ALICE. |Oh, don't you remember sweet Alice, | Bent Bolt, Sweet Alice with hair so real? ‘She laughed with her face when you gave her a smile, |_ And trembled with fear at your spiel. | By the old backyard in the alley, Bent Bolt, | Near astone pile, obscure and alone, She was standing one day and a rock came her way, And sweet Alice lies under the stone— She was hit on the block by an eighty- ton rock, And sweet Alice lies under the stone. (P.S.—She was rocked to sleep.) —Stanford University Chaparral, FOOTBALL. | | ‘ear into’em! Tear ‘em up! Eat em alive, boys! Chew up that line! | Eat ’em up!’ yells the coach. | “Raw, raw, raw!"" yell the boys in the bleachers. | | Mercy!" remarked the lady mis- sionary from Abyssinia. ‘‘Is this a cannibal country, too?”’—University of Minnesota Minnehaha, “I did not believe coffee caused my | trouble, and frequently said I liked it) so well I would not and could not quit drinking it; but I was a miserable suf- |ferer from’ heart trouble and nervous | | prostration for four years. “1 was scarcely able to be around, had no energy, and did not care for any-| thing. Was emaciated and had a con- As the train neared the city, the col- stant pain around my heart until 1 ored porter approached the jovial-faced t gentleman, s th a smile, ff, sah?"” hought I could not endure it. For months I never went to bed expecting to get up in the morning. I felt as fer to get though I was liable to die any time. off in the usual manner. Tiger. FOUND. “Where are the snows of yesterday?” Did the musing poet propound ; The man with the hole In his overshoe sole Could tell you where part are found. —Williams College Purple Cow. If You Want Hair f | PACKER’S TAR SOAP Princeton “Frequently I had nervous chills, and the least excitement would drive sleep away, and any little noise would upset me terribly. I was gradually get- ting worse, until finally one time it came over me and I asked myself what's the use of being sick all the time and buying medicine so that I could indulge myself in coffee? “So I thought I would see if I could quit drinking coffee and got some Postum to help me quit. I made it strictly ac- cording to directions, and I want to tell you that change was the greatest step in my life. It was easy to quit coffee because 1 had the Postum, which I now like better than the old coffee. “One by one the old troubles left, until now I am in splendid health, nerves steady, heart all right, and the pain all ver have any more nervous chills, don’t take any medicine, can do all my housework, and have done a great deal beside Read ** The Road to Wellville,”’ packages. ‘ There’s a Reason. Ever read the above letter? A new one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. in A DIFFERENCE IN WORDS. Willy—What’s the difference be- tween lunch and luncheon?’* Nilly—‘ About two dollars,’’— Yale Record. IN OLD KENTUCKY. Louis—‘‘Prohibition will tend to bring sunshine into many homes.’” Ville—* Yes; but it will bring ‘moon- shine’ into the majority.’’—Princeton Tiger. A CLOSE SHAVE. He—‘I had an awfully close shave downtown this morning.” She—'*Mercy, Jack! What was the matter?’ He—‘'I needed it.’’— Yale Record. Two Irishmen fell from the scaffold- ing of the Singer Building, and as they passed the second floor, Pat said to Mike, ‘ay, Mike, d’ye think the saints are with us?” And just before he struck bottom Mike replied, “Well, Pat, if they are, they’re going some!""—Columbia Jester. S THIS MESSAGE SAY? ‘The Record will give 100 tickets of admission to the Bijou Dream for the best answer to the question above. TEN The picture on this pag and see if you can make anything out of it TICKETS A WORD. represents a. usual situation Please study it carelessly, Note the pimple on the dog's nose. When you have made up your mind what ten words or less the message in the man's hand might contain, exclusive of the dog's address and your signature, write it out and telegraph it to the Lady Typewritist of the Kecord, with your mother's maiden name and your best girl's address. ‘The most inane message, in the judgment of a suffragette and of the Editors of the Record, will be awarded the prize of one hundred tickets, Everybody is eligible including co-eds. But no less than forty-nine messages will be accepted from any one contestant. The contest will close on December 31, 1910, no answers received after that date being considered. The announcement of the win- ner will be made as soon thereafter as possible. —From the Yale Record, New Haven, Conn, (With apologies to Life) STUNG! A COMPARISON. “GOT THE MITT.” Thin girl—*l hear you threw the "Varsity catcher over.” Fat gi he couldn't hold |me.""—Princeton Tiger. i cleansing, antiseptic and tonic properties ©” pute pine-tar, glycerine and sweet vege- ‘oils have given it an exclusive character, vavarying results, for over 35 yea | HE PACKER MFG. CO., New York I waited for a valentine— I'm waiting for it still. I got a full-sized envelope, \ But in it was—a bill! | —Yale Record. | My love is like the red, red rose, In June, that’s newly born. And, oh! the pins around her waist Are strangely like the thorn. —Cornell Widow, In answering advertisements please mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.com