Judge — February 19, 1910 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A MODERN INSTANCE, “* My child, who could have felled the family cherry tree?"” “‘Tcan't tell a lie, father; I did it with my little bill.”” PROPOSED REGULATIONS FOR AERONAUTS. By DONALD AL KAN, An operator, before abandoning car in case of * wreck, shall hang out a red light and whistle three times. 2. Before dropping out bags of ballast, operator shall sterilize same, as protection for pedestrians below. 3, Always turn to the Wright, saluting. 4. Ships of a thousand bird power and over shall be painted canary yellow. 5. Drivers running past toll stations shall be sub- ject to double fine. JUDGE 6. If operator discovers hobo beating his way on the bumpers, he shall eject same at next regular station. It shall be unlawful to evict him in midair. 7. Ali passenger schedules shall be open to the interair commerce commission. 8. All airships must be equipped with airbrakes. WHEN KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. by CHARLES C. JONES. TIME at school my teacher she Got out a box an’ fixed th’ lid, An’ set it on her desk so’s we Could send our valentines, she did. I thought I'd have a lot o fun An’ send one to—I won't tell who! An’ so I went an’ got me one With writin’ on it, ‘1 Love You!”” I don’t like fellers teasin’ me, An’ so I thought if I jest sneaked It right in quick, they wouldn't see— But that old teacher went an’ peeked! An’ now, when I ain’t good, I guess She thinks she don’t need any stick; "Cause ehe spells B E double S— An’ you kin bet I mind her quick! AN AIR-OH !-PLANE. Stella—"' The children want to begin matrimony on the scale their parents end it’ Bella—* Yes; the bride wants as large alimony as her mother.’” A TOAST. ‘OMEN! Second only to the press in the dis- semination of news. THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. Sy J 1, “I remember when I wuz at the siege of Fort 2. —— Well, I raked all through them ‘Then suddenly I gits an dT grabs the bottle and Soupnoodle we run all outer provisions and am- munition, and nearly all the garrison wuz either killed or starved to death. The enemy suddenly advanced on us to cinch the slaughter. With a last despairin’ effort I went below to the cellar ag'in with the faint hope of findin’ some provi- sions or ammunition. old vaults, and bimeby I comes across somethin’ that peeped out from a heap of straw. When I fishes it out I sees that it's an enormous boitle of fizz of the vint- age of 1492, that the monks had left there hundreds of years ago.— rushes above with it like a mad- man! — I) Ove 7 4 ‘The enemy wuz now close by and chargin’ like demons, so I lays the bottle flat across the para- pet and commences to pry the cork loose with a chisel. —— 5, — Well, jist as the enemy wuz about to spring inter the fort that cork popped out with a bang like a thirteen-inch gun, and struck the leader square in the face, killin’ him instantly ! —— 6. —— Boys, that fizz wuz so old and strong that all the soldiers in the front rank wuz overcome by the fumes, and the rest of them, thinkin’ that we had some newfangled deadly machine gun, turned and fled panic-stricken, leavin’ us the victors of the day."” comicbooks.com