Judge, 1910-01-22 · page 11 of 16
Judge — January 22, 1910 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satirical content: **"The Backwoodsman's Purchase"** mocks rural ignorance. A backwoods man enters a Syracuse store, purchases a winter cap that's too small, then believes he can stretch it by slitting it and lacing it with a shoestring—a foolish solution to an obvious problem. **"Optimist and Pessimist"** presents a brief dialogue contrasting two personality types who both dismiss the speaker's complaints, though with opposite attitudes. It's light social satire about human nature. **"The Wreck of the Honeymoon"** (by Walter Beverley Crane) is a narrative poem with accompanying illustrations about newlyweds aboard a ship that encounters increasingly severe weather. The satirical point appears to target the romantic idealization of honeymoons versus harsh reality. **"The Year's Biography"** personifies January through December as months in a child's development—representing seasonal characteristics (January as tiny infant, summer months as hot and fierce, etc.). The page reflects *Judge*'s typical mix of rural stereotypes, domestic humor, and whimsical personification common to late 19th/early 20th-century American humor magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
en eee JUDGE THE BACKWOODSMAN'S PURCHASE OPTIMIST AND PESSIMIST jy parry in the winter a man from the N OUR affliction we seek the optimist,thinking that he will f woods wandered into a Syracuse gents’ f. point out the bright side to us. | nishing store. Here the shiny winter caps “Ah,” he smiles, “you haven't got it half « j caught his eye. it! Cheer up, old chay » After gazing at these for a long From him we go to the pessimist, who in turn scowls at us, s 1 had while, he said, * Ah," he en’t got it half as “How much you want for one 0” them caps?"? it! What are you kicking about?” “One dollar,’ rejoined the clerk.‘ Try you h ADDING WEIGHT. T to confer a degree upon President Taft was Wes- toocaemallialttingapan the-woadenapper's leyan University, which gave hima LL.D, He is now head like a peanut on a carrying around with him nd four D Here’s y'r dollar, mister. I'll take this cap.” other letters of the alp! But the cap’s too small,"* declared the amazed clerk, ing back the proffered dollar. ‘* Wait till you try” Oh, Il fix this sos it'll fit,’ was the back woodsman's nge before starting off with his purchase. ‘* When up with a knifi Thunkydory !"" this one on, sir.” But thi HE LA Nee proved to be a size or so . besides several ari LIKE ALL MANKIND. HT possess I lay at your feet.” just like all the men—you insist on putting il] have to pick them up after you. “ Darlin “You ai things whe But—I'll a woman s, John.’” I git home all ll e to do is to slit its ba lace it with a shoestring, and everything’Il be THE WRECK OF THE ‘ HONEY) by WALTER BEVERLEY CRANE HE GOOD sky pilot wished them well, They stowed the rice and shoo He was the captain, she the mate, Aboard the Honeynoun, (OON THE FACTS IN THE CASE. OLD MAN -Esop was writing his famous fable about the Fox and the Grapes, when the Fox happened along and looked over his shoulder. Observing the nub of the fat.e, the Fox laughed raucously and remarked, ** Foxes are not V And, oh! it was a gentle bi That wafted them away; The elements seemed bound to please When they cleared Nuptial Bay. ptarians.” ze s this all the more sop, folding up the il it to his pub- re nd preparing to But latitude and longitude Brought changes of the wind; “The trades”? began to fail the craft, “The doldrums "* were unkind. THE YEAR'S BIOGRAPHY. by RORERTUS LOVE JANUARY. HE New Year is a tiny baby But some day he'll be big A storm began,with trifling airs— They thought it but a squall; The tears down Nature's lovely face yzan in drops to fall. r, maybe. FEBRUARY. He's cutting teeth and growing cross— Surely this infant needs a boss! He tried to bring the craft around, He took her out of stays; MARCH. mS de He cuther rigging, right ard left, My! how he blows and blusters! W & » A three-month-old should be more s / He sany: her chantey lays. Alact:! alas! a hurricane, A cyclone, and typhoon! Where is the master? Where's the mate? God help the Honeymoon! auay. ack; ab, woe He wants to sve the th Jor oui, roll APRIL. He’s calming down, the little dear; He's sorry, now—-his eyes are teary. May. Ah! now he plays for hours and hours, And decks himself with pretty flowers, JUNE. His nature's very warm and sunny. Last March we thought him harsh--how funn, JULY. A nature quite exceeding hot This half-grown youngster's surely got. AUGUST. This lad is fierce! He must be treated Daily for getting overheated TEMBE He's once aj lovely fellow— Poetic, musical, and mello ocToBER. ow much of winsome ways hi Sometimes we think him quite lost; a frost. NOVEMBER Some days he seems so blue and cold, I do believe he’s growing old! DECEMBE: ON TO HIS JOB. Alas! he’s feeble now, poor fellow, * tra, Nor: our Jamie has heard so ‘h of Cook and the poie And surely in the sere and yellow! howldin’ on it till the witnesses arrive." comicbooks.com