Judge — December 25, 1909 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SONG OF THE SNOWTIME SUBURBANITE, (With apologies to Thomas Hoa.) IT fingers crampy and cold, To; up in shawl, gloves, and hood, A man he works like a hu- man hinge, Plying his shovel of wood. Shovel—shovel—shovel! The snow so brilliant and white? Egad! I'm glad I’m not that man— ‘The poor suburbanite! | Shovel—shovel—shovel! While the train is tooting aloof! Shovel the beautiful (1) snow From sidewalk, stoop, and roof. . He stops to flap his arms (He looks like a flying snipe). Blisters like miniature gas balloons Arise in the palms of this wight. Shovel—shovel—shovel! With mustache frozen stiff, Stopping only just to take From a jug a warmful whiff. And as he shovels sway, He thinks with far, I wot, That he might shovel an inch or two Of snow from his neighbor's lot. Shovel—shovel—shovel! t seems an endiess job. » jigs to warm each foot that feels Like a cold-storage squab. And when his work ‘s done, As he sits in his den And feels good that tiie job is through— It starts to snow ezain! — ». A SLIGHT MIST.AKE. N OLD gentleman of eighty-four took to the altar avery young damsel. The clergyman led the way to the font. ** What do I want with the font?"’ asked the aged bride- groom. “Oh, I beg your. par- don!"* answered the clerical wit. ‘I thought you brought ild to be christened." WHAT'S A NAME? GAID a handsome gray kitten from Malta, “‘Twish you would please call me Waltah; For names such as Tom on This street are socommon, The very ideah makes me fal- Abe Alderney Si Sourgrass FUNDS FOR SANTA CLAUS. Tommy—"* Say, Mickey! no wonder Santa Clause kin bring usa lot of ents fer Christma: Look at him takin’ up a collection ter buy de stuff wit?!” LEAVING IT TO THE WOMAN. She—"* Ate you engaged 2” Salesman has the better finish.’” Parent— rivzxn. it costs much or little, the finish is the same." “Naw 5 tah! feller when he comes around in his airship to try to elope with my darte THE (Pari orre Lanaea She— That is for you to settle." He—" 1 leave it entirely to you. is, Oct. 27. to the Academy of Sciences to-day the discovery Of a new method of photographing bacilli by the ‘combined use of an ultra-microseope and a cine- matograph. The discovery opens a new field for the study of microbie action.— Press report.) N° MORE we'll seek the picture PICTURE SHOW ‘Z.—Jean Comanden announced shows To drive away duil care, To see how Casey led the goat Or watch the county fair; No more upon the screen we'll see How Wilbur Wright can fly We'd rather watch the ptomaines jump And see the germs waltz by. No more we'll seek the far North Pole With Peary or with Cook, Or scour the We'll watch the hookworm hook. We'll no more laugh to see portrayed The pranks of little Willie— We'll watch the microbe do its stunts And cheer the new bacilli. lains with Bronco Bill— GERTRUDE MC KENZIE. “A BILLET DUE.” 'MITH hurried into the reception hall and picked up a letter ina tiny blue envelope, which was addressed in a fine, feminine handwriting. He gave a little shout of joy and bounded up the airs to shut himself up in his room to read ALL TOYS LOOK ALIKE. “Of course the more expensive one tailor In the hands of my little boy, whether Si—goin’ to start a little rain fer yer onions ? but Em goin’ to start somethin’ fer thet fr A REMINDER. 66 FONT forget,” said the young brother, as he bade his four pretty sisters good-by on leaving home for college, ‘ that much of my popularity among my fellows at college will de- pend upon the number of let- ters I get from the young ladies.”” MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS. FOUR ood mothers with four bad daughters— truth has hatred; prosperity has pride; security has peril; familiarity has contempt. Dobbins— How accu- rately that mechanic swings his hammer!"” the delicately scented missive. He tore it open and read as follows: “You are requested to pay your bill at once—thirty-five dollars balance due. “Yours, awaiting a prompt remit- tance, “JOH. Wiggs, Varsity Tailor. “P.S.—We send this re- minder in this form in order that it may reach your notice, since our regular business sta- tionery failed to impress you."” Smith hurried away to pay the bill. WARREN CRANE, NATURALLY. Ted-—"* What did Tom say when his auto blew up the other day?” Ned—* Said he didn’t know it was loaded.”” TANTALIZING. Madge—** 1s a veil becom- ing to me when I go out sleigh- ing?” Marjorie—* Yes, dear; but I think you mean to wear it.”” 66YYJHAT did the old sailor say when they took him up in an airship?” “Ile wanted to know how much air it displaced.” Robbins—* Yes; he used “say, BILL, THIS MUST BE ONE OF THOSE to be a golf instructor.”* INFORMATION BUREAUS!” OF THE FUTURE. 58s" am