Judge — December 4, 1909 — page 39: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

'E GOT up a church-doin’s Last Christmas Eve— Kind 0’ dimonstration "At railly believe Give more satisfaction, Take it up and down, Than any show er intertainment Ever come to town. Railly was a theater— That's what it was! But bein’ in the church, you know, We had a ‘* Santy Claus,” ‘it the old folks To patternize, you see, And back up the institution Kind 0° morally. So's School teacher writ the thing— (Was a friend 0” mine)— Got it out o” Longfeller’s Pome, “* Evangeline,” Er som’ers ‘bout the Puritans, Anyway, the part John Ald I to me, And had it all by heart. Clairey was Percilly School teacher "lowed Me and her could act them two Best of all the crowd) ; Then blame ef he didn’t it her pap, ’y To take the part 0” To wind up the thing! WANTED BY A LOVER, a thermometer for testing the warmth of a girl's heart. By an old maid, a sprig of mistle- toe and a man to put up the same, By a little boy, a stocking that will hold a bobsled, Said stocking must be delivered before Christmas Eve, or will be of no use. By a parent, a pair of goggles that will prevent children from see- ing Santa Claus while the latter is hiling stockings. By a minister, a pair of Christ- mas slippers that will fit. EDITORIAL. NEw jokes about Christmas are about as rare as hens’ teeth. CHRISTMAS NOTE. EW boys want long pants at Ch time- don’t t to give up their long stockings. stmas ey UNDER THE MISTLETOE. Cholly—" 1 say, Tommy, aren’t you going to give me your sister for a Christmas present?”” Tommy—" Sorry, but I can't. When I caught Mr. Spoonlate ki: ing her last night, she made me promise that I would not give her away."’ Many of us love Christmas for what it has been. uage JOHN AND PERCILLY. By JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY. Pam Law! the fun o” practisun! Was a week er two Me and Clairey didn’t have Nothin’ else to do! Kep" us jes’ a-meetin’ round, Kind 0’ here and the Ever’ night, rehearsin’ like, ‘And gaddin’ ever'where! Game was wuth the candle, though. Christmas Eve, at last, Rolled uround, and ’tendance j Couldn't be su’passed. Neighbors from the country Come from Clay and Rush— Yes, and ‘crost the country line, Clean from Puckerbrush. see, the way the play run— tin’ John, And Clairey, mind! Percilly— There was sparkin’ goin’ on! Played it all so natchurul, And it tuck so well Even old man Santy C Had to stomp and y CHRISTMAS BELLS. ING out, oh, bel Upon the city’s every street! Tell one and all to take their ease— To-day there'll be enough to eat! PERSIE fae PERsIeiio ~s-> , your message, please, PRESIDENT TAFT'S CHRISTMAS. ‘The Rhode Island turkey man, who so long has supplied the White House with its Christmas fowl, will have to take a back seat, as no doubt some Georgia patriot will send’ President Taft a Christmas tree garnished as above. So by time his turn come Fer to take the floor, It was nearly twelve o’clock— “* Lacks a leetle more!’" That's what I whispered To Cluirey, and she said Somepin’ in a whisper back, And laughed and shuck her head. Meetin’ house jes’ trimbled As old Santy went Round amongst the children, With the pepperment And sassafras and wintergreen Candy and a ball 0 popcorn,” the preacher ‘nounced, “Free fer each and all.” School teacher suddenly Whispered in my ear, “Guess I got you! Christmas gift! Christmas is here!"” I give him a gold pen And case to hold the thing; And Claircy whispered, ‘* Christmas gift!” And I give her a ring. “And now,’’ I says, “ jes’ watch me! “Christmas gifts!’ ’’ says “I'm a-goin’ to git one— Santy’s comin’ by!”" Then I rech and grabbed him; And, as you'll infer, Course I got the old man’s, And he gimme her! POOR SANTA CLAUS. Bobbie" Santa Claus must have a hard time to get all the presents he gives,"” Papa—"" He has a harder time paying for them.”” THE UP-TO-DATE GIRL. Miss Bronr—" How do you re- member what you gave people last year?” Miss Harlen—" 1 always keep a card index of Christmas gif A CHRISTMAS SLIP. THE boy who gave his mother a pair of slippers for Christmas later on wished that he had selected some other present. Orricia statistics show that the garden gate is still ahead of the mistletoe, . YULE-TIDE. By Harrold Skini F all the stockings—blacks and eds and browns, other hues, From opera lengths (as operas go), To cotton sox at five a throw—— and Of all the restive human race Were dangling from the fireplace In countless rows.... (imagine them!) And JUDGE were Santa Claus pro tem: Of jest, and verse, and roundel That drive the sullen frown away He'd stuff the stockings full, cause He'd still be JUDGE, tho’ Santa Claus. “Y bes comicbooks.com