Judge — November 27, 1909 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FIVE CENTS THAT DAINTY hay onsts SEE oar caren, FRANCS H. FLEER & COMPANY, tec. Philadelphia, U.S. A., and Torente, Canada EYE FOR AN EYE. Dr. C. H. Parkhurst, the eloquent New York clergyman, at a banquet of a religious club, said of charity: Too many of us, perhaps, misinter- pret the meaning of charity as a certain deacon misinterpreted a Scriptural text. “This deacon, a pillar of the Western church, entered in his j “The Scripture asserts that man take away thy coat, let him hav thy cloak also." To-day, having caught my hostler stealing my potatoes, I have given him the sack.’ "'—Independent. Beware of Imitations : ‘mame Washburne Lon . AMERICAN RING COMPANY. Dept. 102, Waterbury.Con, THE MANLY MAN, “After you've been two weeks in the house with one of these terrible handy k their wives to be sure and n the tines of the forks, yw just how much raising bread ought to bh nd how to hang out a wash 80 will get the beat aun, it's ar to get back to : Yes, ‘tis s¢ finished, with much “LE want a man who should © about the things he’s meant nse about; but when it comes 1 like him real help- ay the Lord planned to ha Pears the rears’ Soap is greatia Ichemist. Women are made fair by its use. ntinuously ainee 1789. uae. REPORT UPON THE DISCOVERY OF THE ORIGINAL JOKE. (Continued from preceding page.) ¢ customs of the Scythian: The skulls of their enemies they treat as follows: Having sawn a hole in them, they remove the brain and pgur into the hollow the cream of a plant called “Vodvil,”’ sealing up the whole with a wine cork. Whereon, setting their upon an high eminence or stag- ze them to the uttering of strange, oracular sayings, which do go about the nation like a plague, such as “0 Ukid.” There is an admirable, rare thing, in shape like a smell of candy, of a gummy substance, which, once seen, sticks to the mind. A living creature I cannot call it, though it hath of life. ‘The In- dians call it Jokedrop and have a saying that if they see one they will laugh within the next year or so. Certainly there is virtue in it, as Solomon said of old, **A jest in verse is worth two son- neta. MORE Jock— Jean h’ Sco'sh “So 1 see.” A daily curiosity was in contemplat- ing the wonders of the deep, the dolphi that hieroglyphic of cclerity lea above water in pursuit of the snark. The Original Jok Yes,’ wept on my shoulder when I told it of the royalties it might have drawn. A message has just been received from the composing, room, that the staff threatens to resign in a body unless the Original Joke is received at once. Mr. ed to in- pondence, which, ms to have » have been SNEDDON. clude it in his corr now that we exami no address, We SHE TOOK NOTIC| An inspector one day vis try school taught by a young lad: in the course of the lesson said, Now, children, I wish you to take notice of what Ido and then write an account of it. Then he stepped to the blackboard and wrote a sentence upon it. All the children except one wrote in Tect that the ‘‘master’’ ca into the school and wrote on the blackboard, “I love a good school. One little girl, however, followed in- structions more literally and completed story by ad And then he went to the platform, sat down, played with his watch chain, twirled his mustache and winked at the lady teacher. FOOTBALL TIT- BITS. “I think it’s wrong for a married man to gamble “It's worse than wrong—it's idiotic. His wife gives him fits if he loses, and confiscates the proceeds if he wins.”” “Tam a poor man.”” **When we are married I can learn to cook."* Hadn't you—er—better begin prac- tice,"’ suggested the thrifty suitor, “while your father is yet supplying the raw material, so to speak?’ A witty as well asa soft answer will sometimes turn away wrath. A candi- date, in the midst of a stirring address, was struck with a rotten egg full in the face. Pausing to wipe away the con- tents of the missile, he calmly con- nd: have always contended that my op- ponent’s arguments were very unsound.” The crowd roared, and he was no longer molested. RESULTS. ha’ woon, —London Punch. A teacher in a big elementary school had given a lesson in an infants’ class on the Ten Commandments. In order to test their memories she asked, “Can any little child give me a commandment with only four words in it?’” aised immediately. the teacher. * was the reply. the appetizing and Conic effect of a glass of wins. Teacher—*You notice that boy who stands at the foot of the class? Well, last summer he was the smartest boy in school." Examiner foot of the c! A few dashes of Abbott's Ditters wid greatly tol he wise and dlacriminat ing man select exact Age, thy Stesh ale, Ureet and Its purity, mellowness and fee comes ety trom p Derfect di rect ageia, ag i. Ash for i |Sunsy Brook Distillery Co, Jefferson Co, CHANGED THE PRONOUN. The old gentleman had prospered business and took his son into pater ship. The young man appreciated tha move, but in his newly added digrity became just a little bit too much i clined to take things into his own bans So his father resolved to remonstrate. “Look here, young man," be sit “let's have a little less ‘I’ and a litte more‘ We’ in this business. You mastr member that you're the junior partoer.” ‘A week later the son appeared in ts father’s office looking a little anxiow. “I say, dad," he said, ‘we've bee and done it now. “Done what? ped the parent. **Well—er—we've been and mame the typist. THE OTHER WAY ABOUT. A benevolent-looking old gentlens was walking along the street, whea came upon an irate parent lecturing ts offspring. “Now, you young ra angry father, ‘cut you go to b mildly ree haps I bet remember wise old saying, down upon your wrath “Don't you trouble yourself st that,’ was the reply. ‘1 won't doer thing, of the sort. going todo is to let the wrath upon the son."” AT THE TOP THERE IS ALWAYS THERE ARE HARPER IS NUMBER ONE! THE BEST ONE NEVER TWO BESTS! IS THE CHEAPEST!