Judge — October 30, 1909 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BLOWN, BUT NOT IN ‘THE WAY YOU This is not the old joke of the country blow out the electric light, but merely J a course of fat-reduc exercises before ret “THINK. Tiaty the tale aa "twas told to uy INTERSTELLAR TELEPHONE COMPANY. his opinion that it was the wife's pia, Hello, Central! Give me Mars. Want long distance to the stars, That you, Mars? Why, howdido? How's the weather usin’ you? Feelin’ pretty fit to-day? How's things in the Milky Way? How's the fishin’? Bully! Caught a squidgeon weighin’ nin Don’t know what a squidgeon is, But it sounds like A 1 biz. Say, old man, from where you be Starin’ right square down on me, How d'you think I'm lookin’, eh? Out o' sight? That's bully—say, You're a humorist, all right. What's that? Tir | Well, by jingo— Wire's busted—ha Hello, Central! Venus, V-e-n-u bzz-bzitt! e to quit! Venus—yes. ! ‘Howdy, Venus—howdido? | Wish I looked ax sweet as you! How's your mother? Oh, too bad! Really? That is very sad, Thought I'd ring to tell you that I admired your new spring hat. Yes, it's quite becomin'—grand, Not exactly what you'd planned? Well, perhaps it's just as well. swell Half the women on this spher: would die of envy, dear, Ix it on st ‘Il, not quite; But the tilt strik st right Gives you qui With the n Tell me, does your new apring sack lutte THE MAGAZINE WORLD. HILE at a banquet that was given recently in At in hon- or of S.C. De » the newly dd president of the Asso- POOR AUTHOR! reputed to have totes of any liv- foll Writings y Mr. Da’ the finest sto ing Ame of his best stor} “thinking of the m Unit this Century t American, when azines in the concluded in every 4, is to on such ¢ sions will through my mind. ersist in running: There was once a wright who sat in the front row at the first night of a new picce of his e ptets let the Woman's Home Companion out own, This piece failed; it failed dread- for a Keerration and not to gaze at the fully. As the author sat and sat Sunset, but to pick up new Life and amid the hisses, « woman behind him Junge the World's Work in the Country leaned forward ‘and said, Asem Life in America, where Everyb the best story from Uncle Remus. gets) sir, but knowing you to be the author of | this play, 1 took the liberty, at the b | ginning of this per nce, of snippin off a lock of your hair, Allow me return it to you!” Locic “My opponent's argument,’* Senator Dolliver in a recent camp “has about as much lc did you ever hear about the young woman in Fort Dodge? One spring morning shi the piazza of her pretty little sewing a button on her husband's coat. The husband himself appeared and she G said fretfully, ‘It's a perfect shame the duc careless way the tailor sewed this but- | say: ton on. This is the fifth ti to sew it on again for you, poonful of Abbott's Hitters in sweetened | sat on | home, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. Ibert K. Chesterton, in the jon to his book on ** Ber “Most people « I've had agree with Bernard do not understand him, person who u not agree with him, n Ford, the reported Many intro- 1 am the only ands him, and I do MARINE EFFECTS. **Seasickne id Sime great after-dinner speaker, to be an affection of the brain people pride themselves on their im-| ‘Now, confess, McBride, do yeu hold munity. Some people love the ocean your wife on your lap as much now as when it is lashed into fury by the gale. when you were first. married?” as I have viewed storms at sea from the Barlow. decks of small ships, usally from are- — ‘*Well, Barlow,"’ replied McBride, cumbent attitude in the lea to tell the truth, I believe she sits on and there's nothing in it asa 4 me rather more now than then.’’—Ked there’s nothing in me while viewing it."", Hen. BEFORE AND AFTER. 4 , them bac urteen what? Not fourteen mill— Fourteen million dollars? My! Wire's busted—so am I! suhn Kendri ly. ¢ Bangs in Harper’ POOR MEMORY. boy said Advertising: Clubs of America, risky busin vs, nd when- | Robert F, Maddox, of that city, ever Lattend the first night of one of | brought the house down—or, to be more my own p elas nervous as a girl up—with the following: ina fog. My n is in no sitting here improved by the following story, which suppose a sympathetic neigh! you will erect a hand- xoni nt to your husband's memor; “To his memory?” echoed the tearful w “Why | 1 was sorting o' to-day lett Hen, 8 I had given him to post."’— LTHE GLOVE WAS KID. She dropped her glove, 1 his lid ked it up With, “Oh, you kid!”” “How dare He smiled at h “Excuse me, miss It's just like this— I meant the glov —Ch GREAT LUCK. > hurted?"? asked the police man, bending over him, I think my collar-bone is broken,”” ply answered the prostrate autome bilist, whose machine had collided with a telegraph pole. “Re Jarge, ye're in grereat lucl growled the officer. ‘Twas breakn speed ye was goin’ at."’—Chicago Trib fe MUST HAVE THEM. A store rin Arkansas thus ad- vertise want exgs, and I want os Angeles Express, 2 Out all night? - of his clothes und I found the pockets full of RING OFF, PLEASE! They were seated by the fires dreaming of the future when they w, be one—a winsome telephone girl |her fiancé. The small talk |drifted to the question as to who sh. light the fire in the morning, It | to get up and start the fire, and let yi, poor, hard-worked husband rest, After this declaration | silence most profound, but « space of about half a second; then tie girl thrust out her finger encircled by ring, and murmured sweetly, but firn;, ing off, please; you hav with the wrong number. there wy ly for the FULFILLING INSTRUCTIONS, managing editor wheeled tis T chair around and pushed a button inthe entered wall. The person wante “Here,” said the editor, * ber of directions from outsiders as the best way to run a newspaper. See tht they are all carried out." And the office-boy, gathering them into a large waste basket, did so | Green Bag. AND THERE ARE OTHERS. The cook had been called away tos sick sister, and so the newly wed mis | tress of the house undertook, with the aid of the maid, to get the Sundsy |luncheon. ‘The little maid, who had |been struggling in the kitchen with s coffee mill that would not work, coo- | fe ssed that she had forgotten to wash | the lettuce. “Well, never mind, with the coff Pearl. Go o and I'll do it,” said the Where do they ed Hen, | keep the soap?” | GET MARRIED St timonia! naper with at Verlinenents of marrage nal sections, rich, poor, obi, yous, 4, sealed, Free ‘Toledo, Ob BNERY,, WOMAN and sho about the ¥ | Ae MARVEL WHIRLING SPRAY DOUCHE Ask your drugs gist for it. If ‘supe © MAKVEL, accept .butsend stamp for illustrated bor a. It gives. full particulars and directions invaluable to ladies, Address MARVEL CO., 44 East 234 Street, New York SANTAL Sue PROMPTLY RELIEVED BY. THE ENGLISH REMEDY 62 BLAIR’S PILLS pi ess A SAFE. &. eee DS Hh you may. wi aul pe fl Rurope is searched comicbooks.com