Judge, 1909-10-30 · page 12 of 16
Judge — October 30, 1909 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical children's story published in *Judge* magazine, mocking Victorian sentimentality and exaggerated politeness. The humor centers on a precocious young girl, Maude, aboard a sinking ship. While other passengers panic, she remains fixated on her seasick mother's dietary preferences—offering éclairs, foie gras, and fried eels as the vessel founders. When she finally alerts the captain to the shipwreck, she does so primarily to warn him that her mother shouldn't be disturbed during this crisis. The satire targets the absurd priorities of genteel Victorian society: proper etiquette and social convention supersede actual danger. The joke is that Maude's concern for her mother's comfort and rest matters more to her than imminent disaster. Her politeness is so ingrained that even a sinking ship cannot shake her adherence to propriety and hierarchical family deference. The page also contains period advertisements (whiskey, soap, prints) typical of early 20th-century magazines.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ae aw): The Great Essentials in whiskey ore age, pur- ity and richness of favor, Sunny Brook =. FOOD Whiskey possesses all of these qualities— itis ps lin the rood old Ken tucky way by perfect distillation and years of ageing. Every bottle is sealed wit Government suring full proct—full measure “and full maturity. Ask for it. Sunny Brook Distillery Co. Jetterson County, Ky. “TOOKED IT OFF.” A little girl, aged three, had been left in the nursery by herself, and ber brother arrived to find the door close The folle ‘TL wants to tum “But you tan't tum : | “But I wants to."" , I's in my nightie gown, an? little boys mustn't see little girls in their nightie gowns, After an astonished and reflective silence on Tom's side of the door, the miniature Eve announced triumphantly, “You tan tum in now, Tom; I tooked it off !""—Saturday Evening Mail. | Beware of Imitations Washburne PRINTS | FOR YOU Ten cents will bring catal of new pictures by Flagg, Monahan, King, ¢ LESLIE-JUDGE COMPANY 2S Fifth Avenue, New York “Just soap,” is good enough for some, but most women insist on having some girl with a good complexion—why ? Sold by the eake and in boxes. [brought up that they so rudely push |1 fear the consequences. | possible to get rid of the rock?"” 7 ape. LITTLE MAUDE AND THE SHIPWRECK. On one occasion little Maude and Maude’s dear mamma were on the ocean going from New York to London. And Maude’s mamma was very sick. She her berth and wished that she had postponed the trip until they had drained And little Maude, who was not sick, looked after her dear mamm Maude's. mamma did not look after or before her daughter. He were closed and she would have moaned if she had had strength, Little Maude, full of solicitude for her dear mamma, said to her, “Can I bring you an éelair, mamma?’ And her mamma made no response, at which the child was sorrowful, be she knew that if hi si polite she was sick inde gras, dear mamma?” said little Maud aangging the name of the food in hope of coming near At the ment 8 gras sily, and little s saw that she had not yet hit on t article of food. have nice fried eels. Shall I have them bring you some with a little plum pudding? But Maude’s mamma turned her head to the wall, and the dear child, seeing that she wis! gage in sleep, left her. On the way to the den shock, and a minute that they were about to have a ship- wreck owing to the fact that thes! had run upon a rock. All was now and confusion, and the child asked If, “How have these people bee ach other about and utter alarming cries? And then the child thought of mamma, and she went to the capt and said, “My dear mamma is in no ndition to take part in your shipwreck. She is quite sick, and I dread to tell her that the ship has struck upon a rock, as Will it not b ‘Then the captain, harassed though he) was, removed his cap and said, **My dear child, if we had known that your mamma was sick and if I had noticed this rock we would not have struck upon As it is, 1am afraid that the good ship will founder, so I beg of you to ask your mamma if she doc like coming up on ¢ and r gina li some very casy on and we expect to take to them soon. “LT thank you for your cour captain,’ said little Maude at once carry your messayy mamma; but I am su care to be disturbed, as too sick \to be interested in fried cels, although we often have them at hom her life.” ‘The confusion on board the ship con- tinued to be very trying to little Maude rople pushed ved rudely as they | stood thei ed that the girl w other than little Maude, hand but she refused it, a gent ra al- rhaps, I may avail myself| of your kind offer,” aid, “but now y , who ix 80 sick in her cabin that I dread telling her what has happened.” But the resolute child w stairs to the cabin of her and said to her, “Mamma, I hardly know how to phrase that which I wish to communicate to you. If you could conveniently postpone your sickness it} would be as well, because—mamma, dear, did you notice a little jar a while ago? Yes,"’ said her mamma, ‘‘I think it was a jar of marmalade, but I told the} stewardess to please take it away. In answering advertisements please mamma was too J | versitie “No, but I refer to a shock—oh, mamma, the ship has hit upon a rock and is soon going to the bottom. Do you not think you could come up on deck and be rescued? “If 1 must, I must,” said Maude’s mamma, “‘und let us get away as soon ble. A cabin is no place in sick.” reached the deck, to Maude’s dismay she saw that all the boats had been cast off and that no one remained aboard the ship save the crew and tl captain, He was still on the bridg his trumpet in his hand and a look of relief on his face. nd-morning, ‘s mamma, Equally good as tonic or cordial. Appetizen, pre- vents Indigestion and benetits every one. Sold Keerypehere LUYTIES BROTH said he when he saw 8 U.S. Agents, New York, “Are you feeling fresh air has revived me. n, do you think it would ¢ good for me to go out rowing? Tt will not be ne thanks to the departure of the other pas- | nyse Since they went the ship is appreciably lighter and will soon toat off the rock, and then I will signal to; to go ahead and we will try some port. unk you, captain, but tea will do just as well, I ama teetotaler, I much better, and would relish a cup of tea and a biscuit this very minute, When little Maude heard these words she knew that her mamma was once more | restored to health, and she clapped her hands and said, ‘How true it is that blessings come to us out of seeming ad- Do you not now feel like a little fried eel?” “I believe I do," said her mamma, smiling. — Charles Battell Loomis Ladies’ Home Journal, the Mothers will tind Mrs. Winste bent remedy for their «huh VISITING DAY. Mrs, A. was more shocked than amused when, in reply to her question, | Who was at Sunday school this morn her four-year-old daughter said, Ae) HYPNOTISH wor ft pare ete said Mrs. ver did you was out visi : the little lady confidently said. “Daughter, id Mrs. A., told you such a story?” “Nobody didn't tell me, mother; | but they just kept singing it over and over again, ‘Jesus is calling, He's call-| ing to-day.’ ""—Suecess. “who! In a fow days wife a bound volume of JUL the market nding our $v ‘This amou for postag’ Is The best binder o the one we a seribers for $1 cludes all charg c. Address THE LESLIE-JUDGE CO. 225 Filth Avenue New York | TOO FULL. A man very much intoxicated was taken to the police statio Why did you not bail him out cl a bystander of a friend. ail him out!” exclaimed the other. “Why, you couldn't pump him out!"* | Kted Hen, in- AT THE TOP THERE IS ALWAYS ONE THERE ARE NEVER TWO BESTS! HARPER IS NUMBER ONE! THE BEST IS THE CHEAPEST! y= OUTLINE Co. Loviemce mention JUDGE. It will be appreciated. comicbooks.