Judge, 1909-10-09 · page 15 of 16
Judge — October 9, 1909 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine *Judge* contains several humor pieces mocking various subjects: **"Pure Milk" story**: Satirizes milk adulteration—a genuine public health problem of the era. A milkman selling watered-down, chalky milk defends himself with absurdist logic ("to the pure all things are pure"), mocking both dishonest vendors and weak regulatory arguments. **"Johnson's Dictionary"**: Jokes about a Minnesota clerk's excessive admiration for Governor John Johnson. When a dictionary returns from binding labeled only "Johnson's Dictionary," the clerk complains the binder failed to add "Property of his excellency, John Johnson, Governor of Minnesota"—satirizing obsequious flattery. **"Very Likely"**: A dialect humor piece where a Black porter explains the distant railroad depot location with circular logic, relying on period-typical racial caricature common to the era. The page also advertises Iver Johnson revolvers and Guy de Maupassant books, typical of *Judge*'s mixed content combining satire with commercial promotion.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Ce | Stories About People. “Tcannot tell how the truth may be: {cau the tate aa twas told ome Ths new “1-T" is highgrede, 7-jewel watch bait 19 « new factory ve makersof the Dellar Watch. IncersolkTrenton The Best 7 Jewel Wateh aps PURE MILK. ATHAN STRAUS, discussing the rd difficulties that confront in their endeavor to Thenthel ole dierent contre: e } seen it owl at leuiceteer ne the pas: is not a revolver for you to make Ssdergrer! ich Having a beers “The legislators who oppose this law e temporarily safe by throwing on or off Vas every acetic some button or lever, but a revolver bring forward srzuments eboat as weak | 7 that we have made Permanently and automatically safe by SA lady, commertng in Maine; sahd:t6| I the patented exclusive Iver Johason construction. i : | Our Pree Booklet, “Shots, t pensive watchs Kandieme aod. Postively, tells the whole story. Send your name on a postal—it will ailed free with our full catalogue. Wer Johnson Satety Maseeviess Revetver her milkman severely, “*Look here! this milk of yours is half water and half chalk. What do Safety Hammer Revolver u mean by advertising it as pure?” ‘Madam,’ said the milk manufac- turer, with reproachful dignity, ‘to the pure all things are pure. sible jewelers fe. oF sent prepaid on y Hardware an: We owl's bead on the pt of price if Batt H. Tagervll & Bro, 19 Frashe! Petiig, Bee York knip and our Iver Johnson's Arms & Cycle Works, 153 River St. Fitchburg, Mass, y Now Yore 7 Ohambors its, Hambare, Germany Piekhuben t js San Francie” PhiWB. Vekeart v.. 11 Market Tle “JOHNSON'S DICTIONARY.” A clerk in the executive offices of the State of Minnesota entertained an al- most idolatrous admiration of the late Governor Johnson, THE PROFESSOR AT THE | “Some time ago a dictionary in the, CACTUS EXHIBITION. office, in need of repair, was sent to the | - —_ ee VERY LIKELY. |State bindery. When it was returned, |the clerk mentioned unwrapped the T: depot of Meridian, Tex., is about a mile from the business part of the | volume and was about to place it on its town. One night a sleepy, weary traveling man said to the darky who accustomed shelf. Looking at the let- was driving him to the hotel, tering on the cover, he exclaimed, “Old man, why in the name of heaven did they put this depot so “Look here! This is the grossest dis- | far from town?” respect! The binder hasn't put any- The darky scratched his head in thought and replied, thing on the cover but ‘Johnson's Dic- Wa-al, boss, I's fo’ced to admit dat I hasn't give de matter s'ficient tionary.’ Take it back and make him |cogitation; but jes’ jumped up fer a answer like dis, I s’pose dey done dat so inscribe it ‘Property of his excellency, |as to have de depot as near as possible to de railroad."” John Johnson, Governor of Minne- - — THE GOOD TIMES ARE COMING. Oh, the good times are comin’, no mat- ter what they say; } You kin hear ‘em hummin’, hummii for a hundred miles away. They're a-sailin’ through the summer | | an’ a-fightin’ through the ir A-ridin’ down the rivers an’ a in the breeze! This is the original American and English copyrighted, COM- PLETE Edition, absolutely unexpurgated, in English of this great French writer translated from the Original Manuscripts by linguists of literary distinction. Won- derful Critical Preface by Paul Bourget, of the French Academy. TALES OF REALISM—RARE ORIENTAL AND PARISIAN STUDIES De Maupassant wrote with the conviction that in life there could be no phase 40 noble or 40 or 40 low as to be unworthy of chronicling —no folly that did not possess ite own Comin’ A-hummin’— Like a regiment a-drummin’; Lane has got a-turnin’, Buttermilk’s a-churnin’, So keep your lamps a-burnin’ | Till the good times come! | Oh, the good times are comin’; you can see "em on the run, A-twinklin’ in the dewdrops an’ a-shin- i the sun! A-dumpjn’ over the daisies an’ babblin’ in the brook, An’ lookin’ at a fellow like his sweet. | heart use to look! f picture which haun' f every library. Here are given tales of travel and er range medical experiences. of love and Test! of comedy and pathos that hover upon the burders of comedy, and of tragedy MORE REALISTIC THAN BALZAC. MORE ENTERTAINING THAN THE ARABIAN NIGHTS These marvelous, Very rare, according: tot Vronder whether they are odorite Comin’ A-hummin'— Like a regiment a-drummin’; Lane has got a-t rnin Buttermilk's a-churnin So keep your lamps a-burnin? Till the good times come! Atlanta Constitution. A DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT. A lady in Virginia, who in her early days had been surrounded by luxury and had had many slave attendants, was in later life much amused by a colored never failing to discern ‘quality’” from “pore white tras elingly remarked, “You could tell, Mrs. Blank, thi had n accustomed to associating | Jf otter or ratse the peicewithout notice. | no risk — with colored folks all your life THE WERNER COMPANY, Akron, 0. i Hen, . . “No, they are not —Fhegende Blactur, In answering advertisements please mention Junce. It will be appreciated.