Judge — September 11, 1909 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

5A Sia, (= HATS—WHICH IS WHICH, AND WHY. ARE called head-coverings, but they won't cover your head morning after," and a cover won't prevent your losing your 1 at any tim As a matter of fact, hats are not intended to put heads in; they are to put money in, Women put the most money in hats—their own, They can’t get the moncy out a either, which proves that hats are a poor place to place your money though the poor expect you to place your money there when they hold out their head-coverings. Hats are made very possible shape, and some shapes are simply ‘+ impossible."” They are not made to |. Mer more ticular than women about the fit of a hat. pays for hat he usually gets a fit, and when he pays for his hat usually has another fit. He calls his own hat bill an out! but he at's all by p! for it amounts to the same amo hats are only disp! ; y in the trimming—though what is a ‘The expense of a woman's hat | ** trimming,’ no man knows. Men's hats are not trimmed, but the men who buy them sometimes a the sexes differ of a man’s hat depends on the size of his head; the size of a woman's hat depends on the size of her purse—and the width of the front door. And, whereas a wom- an will talk about her hat, a man will talk through his hat. It is only fair to say that this latter ix hearsay evidence. Hats are known by the heads they cover. Acheap hat will be worn by a cheap man, and a dear woman will have MODERN VERSION, Little Jack Homer sat in a comer, Smoking ac His papa eam it to him So hard that he ’H never forget a ‘dear’ of a hat. ‘The style of the head-covering will depend on the wearer's lack of taste, but the color should be some kin to the complexion. Following this rule-o'-thumb, light men usually wear dark hats, and dark men, light hats. Red men do not wear red hats, but any man is apt to wear a green hat, and a grecn man is apt to wear any old hat. hats a plex for clas: , but there are hats for all seasons. ‘Their name is A‘ merry-widow" might make a woman merry, not unless the bill was unusually large and her husband ugh, may properly be worn by a‘ peach,”? but the women and the most grief to the me le n and their names often misleading. but it would not m had a weak heart. could gy The Easter hat gives the most joy to The owner of a ** waste-basket "’ hat thus: Ile who steals my purse steals trash, and he who steals my hat steals something to put ILLUSTRATING A COMMON EX- trash in PRESSION There it goes again—hats and money! : indissolubly linked. The seller turns “ Starvation was staring, him in the face." hats into money, and the buyer turns money into hats, To put money into your own hat is THE MORNING AFT “Last nicht E dreamed that E propesed to ye selfish surety, but to put money into another's hat is praiseworthy charity. Char- ity ix a good thing. are hats. Charity covers a mul- titude of sins—and hats cover a multitude of sinners. Pass the Hat! wom KERR THE GAY DECEIVER. Tie HAMMOCK, hitched beneath the bluff, ‘oon teaches to be humble; moment you are safe oug ‘The next you take a tum- ble. ALL AGREE. ONG. » to church or the opera seems to ap- peal to many; but everybody wants to be on time at the baseball game. A SEPT. SENTIMENT. SHALL not mourn the June time Nor yet the smiling May; I'd rather have an oyste ‘Than a rosebud any day. ODERN castles in Spain will have to be bomb- proof if lovers are to feel se- comichooks.coyn