Judge, 1909-09-04 · page 6 of 16
Judge — September 4, 1909 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces reflecting early 20th-century American social concerns: **"On the Water Wagon"** (top): A poetic lament by someone who has quit drinking. The narrator nostalgically recalls his expertise in bars, cocktails, and beverages across New York City, but now abstains. The satire targets the temperance movement and reformed drinkers, mocking both his former excess and current self-denial. The piece parodies Eugene Field's sentimental poetry style. **"As She Understands It" and "A Disagreeable Reception"** (middle/bottom): Brief joke dialogues. The first satirizes Irish immigrant speech patterns and misunderstandings about American store hours. The second makes light of a dog refusing entry to a visitor. **"The Latest Thing in Summer Resorts"** (right): Depicts people at a beach resort with a sign—appears to mock new or absurd vacation trends. The page exemplifies Judge's focus on urban American life, immigrant communities, drinking culture, and social pretensions through ethnic humor and satirical verse popular in that era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE FUTURE MAN. ON THE WATER WAGON. (With apologies to Eugene Field.) ONCE knew each and every drink I knew just how to choose, and when; That nestled in the barkeep's lair, What mix would set my heart aglow. From deepest green to brightest pink, Oh, I was very knowing then, And sparkling wines of vintage rare. ‘And that not very long ago. I knew the best place on Broadway, Where fizz and cocktail could be found; I knew that just across the way The mint in juleps did abound. I knew the spot—-Gambrinus Hall beer in rivers used to ry one I'd make a call, And that not very long ago, And pining for those joyous days, I close my eyes and think Of all the merry minstrel lays I sang w 1 drink ; But now my vocal cords are dry, sie do they know, And for a harmless fizz 1 Of long, sv Oh, why did I resolve to p Upon the water-wagon s insecure, and oft [lurch the words, Tho’ I long for long a A DISAGREEABLE RECEPTION. AS SHE UNDERSTANDS IT. Weary Wigglea—"* 1 don't like “Tis a shtrange way they do hov ov doi ek, h bizniss in thot shtore. Here Oi am wid és tite fer some on a ‘Thoorsday, al Bleating Harry—"* Who came crea dently they don't sell th’ shtoof till Sund to the door?”” Weary Wiggles—" The dog.” the reception I got at that house. Old mammy—** Mey, yo", Jell'son! Al giv’ y e mellins. Now whar is dey *? . ides" Thah only way Ah could carry three mellins was one undah each ahm and thah other inside uv me