Judge, 1909-08-28 · page 5 of 16
Judge — August 28, 1909 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical sketches and humorous anecdotes typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine content. The sketches mock everyday social situations: "An Heirloom" ridicules a man's attachment to a broken comb; "One Explanation" jokes about beautiful women in cities; "Latest Thing in Collections" features Officer Clancy collecting traffic violation fines; "Seasonable Dishes" comments on clam chowder preferences; and "A Bleacher" satirizes spectators at sports events who avoid participating in actual games. The large photograph with caption "Kind Words Never Lie" shows a mother and child, illustrating conventional domestic sentimentality that the magazine likely intended to gently mock or juxtapose against its cynical humor. Overall, the page represents Judge's formula of light social satire targeting middle-class American life and urban manners, rather than serious political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“uae. AN HEIRLOOM. I HAVE an ancient little comb, Which worked so much upon my dome That now for work it is not fit. It has no tooth, That is the truth; But still, you s It stays with me, I cannot part 2. F, nome, SOMETHING MISSING. New husband (wrest- 4 ling with his wife's waist, trying to hook it up the back)— thing missing here. I think that what you need is a third eye."" There's some- OU MAY get along with last year’s suit ton and a moderately old city A WHEN THINGS SWAM BEFORE HIM. directory, but you must “Tm all ri’, Shave the women and children, 1 can have this year’s calendar. swim QS ONE EXPLANATION. First import ful women in zis city. Second import—" Oui, rete are many of our countrywom- en here residing.” “*1 notice wiz pleasaire ze nombre of beauti- LATEST THING IN COLLECTIONS. FFICER CLANCY is collecting quite a tidy bit of hush money from violators of the speed ordinance, He calls the green wad his ‘*Auto-graft Album.” SEASONABLE DISHES. apeus Enthusiastic out of = towner—" This clam chow- der makes a hit with me. I like the clam season, "* 4 Blase New Yi “T'm not sure season I like be the clams be der, or the oysters tail.” when. to chow- k- | THE POINT OF VIEW. Mixx Youngthyng “Isn't that Bible story of Jacob waiting #0 long for Rachel a lovely example of man’s devotion?” Mr. Cynicus— It's @ lovely example of the fact that women made fools of men be ” ore our time. A BLEACHER. HO WOULD be a bleacher in the jolly same of life, To root for a companion who was busy in the strife ? Who would wish to sit quiescent on a wooden bench outside, While the game was at its hottest and the victory denied? cher, just Who would care to be a ble: ining in the su Looking at the game of living and discerning how ‘twas done? In a motley crowd of idlers, who would care to sit and yell, While combatants on the diamond fought the battle long and well? In the game fan, Sitting or man? . . I would rather be a fielder in the triumph that was won “KIND WORDS NEVER LIE.” Than to sit among the bleachers—just an idle looker-on. Mother (sweetly)—“‘ Come down, Willie, that's a nice boy, and see what Ls, WATE . 1 "ve got for yo f our existence, who would care to be a bench and howling for a struggling, fighting comicbooks.com