Judge — August 21, 1909 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae Reflected Humor A QUESTION OF GRAMMAR. Hetty’s uncle, who was a_ school | teacher, met her on the street one beautiful May day and asked her if she was going out with the Maying party. “No, Lain’t going.” “Oh, my little dear,” said her uncle, |“you must not say ‘I ain't going.’ You must say, ‘I am not going,’ and he proceeded to give her a little lesson in grammar. ‘You are not going. He jis not going. We are not going. You jare not going. They are not going. N can you say all that, Hetty?’ The task of fect Rie in ncver donee Oy ure, I can,” she replied, making a “There ain't nobody going.” . sat 123 20; 4 te Types something more fae GRR TiS BUSINESS. HLEVANR A ROSK, © MTDSON, 8.1, | Kind-hearted maiden (fishing for a stray penny in her purae)—"'I suppose you poor blind people feel your mis- fortune keenly.”” FOR: HIS HEALTH. Blind mendicant—Yes, indeed. The| Tramp (in the country) — “Yes, I once t Lord only knows how I miss the pleasure | Fode a bike, but I had to give it up. of being able to look into the beautiful] Cyclist—" Why faces of the handsome and lovely ladies, Tramp—‘‘Well, yer see, the owner who are kind enough to dona was coming down the road behind me, iden (fishing out a! and the policeman had a rope stretched shilling)—‘‘Here, poor fellow, take this, |cross in front.""—New York Tribune, I'm sure you are deserving,"’—Se ALL PAID. “ MIGHT HAVE BEEN. “This is a jolly old world,” said Short, | George IIL. tore his hair. As abroad he started to go; Why didn’t I think of the co ‘ve actually borrowed money enough tion tax instead of the stamp ta To pay every cent that I owe."" cried.—New York Sun, —Chicago News, “ PIE-TIME.”* | ‘ou and George were kissing in the parlor last night.”* ew “The idea!” Pa—** But I distinetly heard the loud smacking of lips.”” | Matilda—" Oh, that was George eating pie!” BAD DREAMS | COALS OF FIRE. The druggist at the corner drug store 5 ck the woman's eyelid and a coffee drinke ¢ or d her of untold agony by remove |ing several grains of sand that she had few months ago I became more and more | accumulated’ at. the seashore. She! eervous and irritable, and finally I could smiled at him gratefully. wt sleep at night for I was horribly dis- |" "What do I owe you?” she asked. trbed by dreams of all sorts and a necies of distressing nightmare. nearly all your pr inally, after hearing the experi- Know.’?-——-New York cme ace of numbers of friends who had quit toffee and were drinking Postum, and UNBELIEVABLE. kaming of the great benefits they hud “Gosh, I gucss those city folks meant derived, I concluded coffee must be the! what they said when they told us that cause of my trouble; so I got some Post- they came up here to get @ good rest.” am and had it made strictly according they're taking it easy, eh? ‘0 directions. Taking it easy? I should say they “Twas astonished at the flavor and are! Would you believe it—not a one | taste. It entirely took the place of cof- of ‘em has got out of bed before six | fee, and, to my very great satisfaction, o'clock any morning since they've been Ibegan to sleep peacefully and sweetly. | here!""—Detroit Free Dress, Xy nerves improved, and I wish I could | | MERE PREVENTION. | Pure Refined PARAFFINE, a Sure Seal For Jelly Glasses When jellies have cooled enough to take form, the easiest way to insure keeping is to pour a little Pure Refined Paraffine, melted, over the jelly in each glass. In this simple way air and moisture are completely excluded and the jelly kept without harm from mold or fermentation. You may seal fruit jars just as effectually by dipping tops, after closing, into melted Paraffine, being careful that both caps and rubber sealing ring are entirely covered. Use Pure Refined Paraffine to “finish” your uncarpeted floors. Add a little to wash water and wash easier. Mix it with hot starch a..d get a fine gloss on linens. Write us for a neat Paraffine Paper Pad to keep sad-irons from sticking. STANDARD OIL COMPANY \(Uncorporate!) ry man, woman, and child from unwholesome drug—ordinary cof Mr. Mann—"To-morrow is my day off, so I'm going over now to borrow ize what a powerful drug it 1s and | Mr. Ping’s lawn mower. ffect it has on the human Mrs, Mann—"* Why, system. If they did, hardly a pound of | not need to be trimmed. itwould be sold, I'would never think Mr. Mann—Who said it did? I'l tf going back to coffee again, I would lock it down cellar, and my slumbers almost ax soon think of putting my hand won't be disturbed in the early morn- a fire after I had once been burned. _ ing.""—Exchange. A young lady friend of ours had £kb Wonde. h trouble for a long time, and " Of all sad words we writers pen, | tould not get well as long as she used Coffer. She finally quit coffee and began The saddest are jokes—that come back again. —Editor Magazine, the use of Postum, and is now perfectly ‘ell. Yours for health."” | - Woman," exclaimed the suffraget i‘ is the equal of man in every respect.”” ad the above t: ‘Oh, I don't know,”’ replied a man in) *Dpears trom the audience; ‘tit takes a man to put an Genuine, true, and full of human interest. angleworm on a fish hook."’—Ez. ur lawn does In answering advertisements please mention Juvce. It will be appreciated comicbooks.com