Judge, 1909-08-14 · page 3 of 16
Judge — August 14, 1909 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"The Realist's Lament"** (top left) satirizes magazine editors' differing story preferences—automobile tales, aviation stories, romance narratives—suggesting editors chase sensational content over substance. **"Jail Bird" and "Tweed" illustrations** (top right) appear to be decorative period costume references, though their specific satirical targets are unclear from the image alone. **"Definitions from Our Nineteenth Century Dictionary: Humorists"** (center) is the page's main content—a lengthy satirical definition mocking humorists and joke-writers. The text claims humorists succeed by submitting jokes to editors, then promises payment upon publication. It cynically concludes: "being a humorist is no joke" since neither the joke nor humorist may actually be published. **Bottom illustration** shows a gentleman helping a woman over a fence—captioned "Always the Gentleman," likely satirizing outdated chivalric behavior.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE REALIST’S LAMENT. HATS a fellow going todo when: The editor of The Golden Spark Plug wants automobile stories—without a breakdown! The editor of The Daily Plunger wants stories of the race track—in which the hero 3] metal appli grows rich by playing the to ihe westee races! Birds. known The editor of The Gas Bag wants tales of AS JaiL Biri aeronautical honeymoons—in which the newly- weds have no falling out! The editor of The Young Wife wants love sc ‘~ stories—with the hero always getting the right FOB, & Chain& girl and living happily afterward! Po Pendant dangling uv i ‘ from the Ankles of 7 NY. i YOU DON'T have to be a physician to tell B5 Aldona, da the ag the condition of some girls’ hearts. Giavatarn Oy TWEED, (* Striped Tweed) A Wool Material for State iforers: Extremely byt alan iy. ered DEFINITIONS FROM OUR NINETEENTH CENTURY DICTIONARY. HUMORISTS. Awe is a man who succeeds in getting a joke onto an editor. Humorists are not numerous, They would be even less numerous if they were not so hard to catch. Killing a man who tries to tickle you to death is justifiable homicide, and this right is recognized in America where it is called the unwritten mother-in-law. Humorists misspend their evil lives in digging up petrified puns, which they revive, remodel, and retail. A new tail ona joke often makes it salable, and anew joke ina tale often makes it available. When a joke is available, the editor usually promises to pay on publication, That is the joker in the acceptance, and if the humorist doesn’t live until the joke is published it is the editor's joke. So, being a humorist is no joke. Neither will being a joke make you a humorist, though humorists are usually jokers. A humorist is known by his jokes, and a good joke doesn’t die young. A good joke Min Crew—"Oh, George, don't kiss me. is an old joke made to look like new. A new joke—well, new jokes are born, not made, “There's a man watching us.” and humorists seldom have twins. wm, KER, ALWAYS THE GENTLEMAN, The evicted one—* Thanks, ever so much, that fence might have bothered me; and now—which of these roads to the depot?" comicbooks.com