Judge, 1909-08-07 · page 7 of 16
Judge — August 7, 1909 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satirical content: **Upper section:** A hazing narrative mocking college fraternity initiation practices. Sophomores subject an visiting alumnus to brutal "pranks"—forcing him up a tree, throwing eggs, applying gas ("shampoo"), dunking him, marking his face with iodine, and cutting his hair. The satire critiques the violence and humiliation normalized in collegiate hazing, with the old graduate ultimately fleeing rather than tolerating the abuse. The joke targets both the cruelty of current students and nostalgia's blindness—he can't understand why modern hazing seems worse than his era. **Lower section ("The Yarns of Captain Fibb"):** A tall-tale comic strip featuring an exaggerated seafaring narrator whose increasingly absurd stories about extreme heat (roasting pigs, melting ice cream freezers, turning refrigerated ice to steam) parody the yarn-spinning tradition. The humor relies on escalating impossibilities and vernacular dialect ("Youse guys," "gits"). Both pieces use exaggeration to satirize American institutions and cultural types—collegiate brutality and boastful maritime folklore.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Up he goes!" replied the leader of the sophomores; and the visitor, assisted by many willing hands, was soon exploring the higher branches. “Come down!” he was invited. A couple of aged eggs, judicially thrown, were convine- ing. He descended. “Shampoo?”” asked the sophomore leader. Probably thinking him too bashful to answer, the second-year men energetically applied gas. “Bath?” he was the question could be answered, he into a tank behind the hamburger sho; “He hasn't yet becn ornamented by the court,”” advised the sophomore leader. Acting upon this sug, ind generously treat- ed the old grad’s face with iodine. “Hair cut?” inquired an energetic se«- ond-year man, rapidly wielding a pair of clip pers. The old grad’s head soon resembled that of a Sing Sing inmate, “AML right,”” said the leader, once more assuming command. ‘Now, you fresh, let's hear your high-school yell."” The old grad had not thought of this for thirty-five years, but the occasion and auspi most favorable for retrospective tl using the full strength of his voice: ed next; but, before as plunged inkin “ Hallabaloo, hallabaloo, Tan and blue . Kalamazoo! “*Good!"? exclaimed the leader emphatical the sophomores nodded approval. TI grad, and he won d what was coming next. getting ample ma for his freshman “Remove him from those duds!" comn general. The purple coat, kangaroo trou: white hat, polka-dot socks, and padlock sho looked susp rs, pink shirt, gr came 4g, and he soon was he versity is Like fun it is!” said the old grad, as he picked up a maple leaf and headed for his hotel. tied me to the railroad tracks, or droppe Well, Hy, and the rest of us to the old He felt that he was where? or xtuil was dop olden day WT ina jiffy. THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. guess not! Jy comes in at the door, love goes on to the vaude- year leader, ** And remem: ng a freshman at this uni- the second- ember that be er trimmed my ears, in the river! Hazing oned that all that news- n freshmen “Why, they n I susy Those knockers should have be HON KANN, : fie 1, “Hot! Youse guysdon't know nothin’ about heat. ‘The hottest day Fever saw wuz oncet wl we wuz a-crossin’ the 7 up red-hot, and fust from the hold and runs "round the des hefore we could ketch that pig it wuz roasted t0 actisp brown, ready to eat ! —— Kits loose Hoys, And before noon the hull crew goes, 1 Me 3. — Bur the sun keeps gittin’ hotter and hotter till it sets the captain's red whiskers afire, and with a terrible yell he jumps overboard, tow, 4, —— Well, souse me tail lamps if it didn’t git so hot toward the arternoon that it fairly melted the electric fan and wilted the ice-cream freezer to a pulp! — 5. — Then asa last hope I rushes down inter the ice plant to save meself from burnin’ alive; and say! all the ice in that refrigerator 2wuz turned inter stam, and when opens the door I gits a sizzlin’ blast in me face! —— 6, — But jist then alucky thought strikes me. I gits together a week's provisions, chucks the overboard, jumps F i and lets meself down to the hottom of the ocean where I lives comfortable till the hot spell wuz over." comicbooks.com