Judge — August 7, 1909 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SHE KNEW THE PERFECT PERSON. A meeting was in progress at which the speaker had waxed eloquent on “The Perfection of the Ideal,” declar- ing that perfection had never becn at- tained in the human race. And soon he appealed to his audience fully, each for himself ry man and woman in —have you ever known or fect person—I mean, now, perfection absolute? Silence reigned over the audi until there was a soft ruatling of 8 and slowly there arose a demur. woman, who, in a meek voice, think I have, sir.”* The whole audience turned to look at the little woman as the surprised speaker said, with a touch of irony in his voice, “And may we know, madam, who was this perfect person? “Yes, sir,"” answered the meek little lady; ‘my husband's first wife. rts, little aid, MEREDITH WAS GRATEFUL. atronizing young lord was opposite the late George Meredith, at dinner one evening. During a lull in the conversation he adjusted -his monocle and leaned forward toward the author. “Aw, y’ know, Mr. Meredith, drawled, ‘I pahssed your hous mawning.”” Thank you,” said Meredith quietly. “Thank you very much.’* THE NEW WOMAN MADE OVER BY QUITTING COFFEE Coffee probably wrecks a greater per-| centage of Southerners than of North- ern people, for Southerners use it more freely. The work it does isdistressing enough in some instances; as an illustration, a) woman of Richmond, Va., writes: 1 was a coffee drinker for years, and for about six years my health was com- pletely shattered, 1 suffered fearfully with headaches and nervousness, also Ipitation of the heart and loss of ap: petite, My sight gradually began to fail, and, finally, I lost the sight of one eye eye was operated upon ially restored, then I became totally blind in the other eye, ** My doctor used to urge me to give up coffee, but I was willful and contin- ued to drink it until, finally, in a case of severe illness the doctor insisted that I must give up the coffee, so 1 began using Postum, and ina month I felt a new creature. “1 steadily gained in health and strength. About a month ago I began using Grape-Nuts food and the effe has been wonderful. I really feel 1il anew woman and have gained about pounds, “Lam quite an elderly lady, and be- fore using Postum and Grape-Nuts I could not walk a square without exceed- ing fatigue, now I walk ten or twelve without feeling it. Formerly, in read- ing, I could remember but little, but. now my memory holds fast what I read. “Several friends who have seen the remarkable effects of Postum and Grape- Nuts on me have urged that I give the facts to the public for the sake of suf- fering humanity; so, although I dislike publicity, you can publish this letter if you like." ead ‘*The Road to Wellville,’’ packages. ‘‘ There's a Reason."" Ever read the above letter? A new one &ppears trom time to time. They are gen- Uine, true, and full of human interest. in as aw come in, by yours tions. something will tired mother finally told him one night. “Curiosity once killed a cat, you know."” that he ki Then: cat wanted to know?’ SOMETHING AILED IT. A colored man complained to storekeeper that a ham which he purchased there was not rood, “The ham is all right, Zeph,”” sted the storeke No, it ain't, negro. ‘*Dat ham’s shore bad! “How can that be,” continued the storekeeper, “when it was cured only last week? The colored man the had ‘atched his head e refl relapse.”” SO MUCH EASIER. A tourist while traveling in the north of Scotland, far away from anywhere, exclaimed to one of the natives, “Why, what do you do when any of you are ill? You can never get a doctor, plied Sandy. jist to dee a naitural death.”” HE DID HIS PART THOROUGHLY. In order to avoid an argument with a woman suffragist on the subject of her hobby, a happy bachelor gallantly ac- quiesced in the truth of her assertions. “But, sir,’ sternly remarked the spinster, ‘your admission is anything but creditable to you. What, for in- stance, have you ever done for the emancipationof woman?” “*Madam,"’ responded the with a polite smile and a bow, at least remained a bachelor!" ntleman I have WHY THE WEDDING WAS QUIET. A prominent lawyer, who, after two |” months of widowerhood, took unto him- | self another spouse, was very indignant | when he read in one of the local papers | the following notice of his marriage: “The wedding was very quiet, owing to a recent bereavement in the bride- groom's family." ’ ching on their hands when they are try- ing to think? they won't disturb themselves. land Leader, Bill, mark my words, the thing wot's goin’ to make England is tariff reform— ake, reform, "Enery 2" competitors,” “Why, tariff reform is—er—well, it’s—er—what they tells yer at the meetings.” AND ALL WITH COMPANY THERE. “Now dren,"’ said the mother, roomful of company had you run off and play “All right, mother,"’ replied Edith, ¢ go up and play Yamlet and smiled the sts looked on mother, at the | "* replied Edith; then, turn- , she said, “Now, , you run up to mamma's room all her false hair that you can COULDN'T RESIST THAT ONE. Little Davey was forever asking ques-| “You'd better keep still or happen to you,"’ his Davey was so impressed with this pt silent for three minutes, ‘ay, mother, what w: OUR FIVE FEET OF SUMMER BOOKS. Nansen's **Farthest North. William Winter's Old Fri: Whittier’s ‘Snow Bound, eze of the Parthe- Mail, In answering advertisements please mention Juner. Landon Punch. WOULDN'T GIVE IN. t One afternoon a celebrated driver, | known the country round for the power | of his whip and the quickness of his wit, came rattling up to the hotet door with his coach and four like an avalanchi As the coach stopped, one of the horses dropped dead. “That was a very sudden death,”’ re marked a bystander. “That sudden!" coolly responded the driver. hat hoss died at the top of the hill two mile k, sir, but 1 wasn't going to let him down till I got! to the regular stoppin’ place !"'"—New York Journal. HE SPOKE FROM EXPERIENCE. The father of the family hurried to the telephone and called up the family physician, Our little boy is sick, doctor," he | said, ‘so please come at one “[ can't get over much under an hour,’* said the doctor. “Oh, please do, doctor! You see, my wife has a book on ‘What To Do be- fore the Doctor Comes,’ and I’m so afraid she'll do it before you get here!” DIETARY CAUTIO! Tramp (outside thi “Madam, may I ask does Mrs, Jaye (in the gard 2n)- does; and please don’t come in. We are very particular about what we feed him on!""—San Francisco Eraminer, It will be appreciated. ope roast us, mother’s eye he can face it bravely un- A Light Meal with a bottle of —that’s the way to keep cool and happy THE CAN OPENER. Speaker Cannon at Valley Forge de- fended the milder forms of profanity wittily. “These not irreverent cuss words, said he, ‘tact as asafety valve. A mai | but for them, might do shocking things mash the piano, scissur the portieres. Speaker Cannon lighted a fresh ciga “So many things in the home,"’ he said, ‘incite a man to—er—let off steam. There’s opening cans, for in- stance—opening these newfangled cans with patent openers that are always get- ting lost. “A Detroit man was letting off steam terribly the other day as he opened one of these patent cans. His wife, tired of the noise, called from the next room, “What are you opening that can with, dear?’ “The can opener, of course,’ he re- plied, “**Oh,’ said she, ‘I thought you were ing it with prayer.’ "—Detroit Free Press. THE WAY WOMEN THINK. ““Why do so many women rest th. “To hold their mouths shut so that AN EXTREME ALTERNATIVE. Trust magnate—"*Let’s freeze Trust director—Then the public will —Baltimore American, When a boy sees a stern light in his jess he fears it means the bathtub.—Exz, ORIGINAL LONDON CIGARETTES Just the st smoke ever made classi CAMARIDGE lar vite amnassavon mie ‘The Little Brown Box."" comicbooks.com