Judge — July 31, 1909 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Huage- THE YARNS OF CAPTAIN FIBB. 1, “Tremember oncet I wuz a-rowin’ a purty 2. —— when all of a sudden I hears a meow- Phen purty soon there wuz a bull gal across the Bay 0” Biscay — in’ and a couple of Hiscayan catch, with heads of Yem, and scuttle me butts if they didn’t jist like cats, flops around the boat.— all flop inter the boat and jump at the purty gal's head! Boys, they aeuz arter the Avs in that gals head! —— 4. —— Well, I thought that poor gal wuz 5, —— And then they gits a-fightin’ somethin’ —_ 6. —— But at last them dogfish chases the ne fer "cause I couldn't do nothin’ with ’em. — fierce! Jeewhilikers ! er see such fightin’, bloomin’ catfish galley west, and the purty gal’s all of a sud hears a barkin’likeadog, I thought "twuz the end of the world, rats wuz saved. Honest, they wuz!” khead if there wuzn't a school of deg fish around us! — ON CHOOSING A CLAIRVOYANT. INE CANNOT be too careful in choosing a clairvoyant. When one wants to peer into the future, a clear vision is required. Tradition, supported strongly by popular practice, says the best results are to be expected from the most disreputable-looking objects of human dereliction; hence, gypsies. A gypsy (usually of the feminine gender) accomplishes her proper attributes by living along the roadside, avoiding laundries, sleep- ing in a covered wagon with seventeen children and about the same number of dogs. But it is not necessary to be a gypsy. One can accomplish the greasy complexion in other ways, and the garb may be procured at slight expense from ‘a costumer or from the wardrobe woman in almost any musical comedy. It is customary for clairvoyants to claim to be the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter, but it is not necessary to produce genealogical proof in support of the claim. Beyond that, it is only necessary for a clairvoyant to be vague and to place her pre- dictions far enough in the future to enable her to get out of town in the interim, The profession of a clairvoyant is easy, because any person who will go to clairvoy- ants is credulous enough to believe anything that they tell, even when their words do not mean anything. KLIS 0, JONES. "RASTUS AND HIS MONEY. Bank president (to "Rastus, employed about the house)—' Why don’t you put your money in our bank, ’Rastus, where it will draw ii st?"" *Rastus- Not much, sah! Dat bank’s only workin’ six hours a day an’ only five days an’ a half at dat. When Ah puts mah money any place, it'll be somewhere dat it'll be workin’ all de time, sah."" WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Silas Backwoods (holder of a ticket to Niagara, and ignorant of the ** Falls”)—"* Gosh all fishhooks! hain’t thet a streak 0 good luc blame glad I missed thet thar train, *’Train fer Nia’gry Falls,’ eh? Jest as like es not I'd hey gone down with her, too, by gravy!” THE HARVEST. 5 g ‘ z : ND NOW the farmer has his day, p With crops of “¢ summer folks ”” and hay, rAL\_¥ A Mi And thinking of the winter, when, } > Down at the store with Hank and Hen, AS) . 2 He'll sit and smoke a good cigar aA (As ) oe Andfplan to buy a motor-car. canta . winen. [OTHING worries the weather man. He gets FIRST AID ‘TO THE INJURED. his salary, rain or shine. comicbooks.com