Judge, 1909-07-10 · page 6 of 16
Judge — July 10, 1909 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page presents two distinct pieces of humor: **The Main Story ("A Summer Yarn"):** A tall-tale dialogue between the "Genial Philosopher" (a recurring Judge character known for absurd, elaborately detailed lies) and the "Skeptic." The Philosopher claims to have ridden a giant bird ("the Pip") six thousand years ago, with a boy named Billie. When the rope broke, Billie flew into space and eventually landed on Mars head-first. The joke satirizes credulous storytelling and boasts—the Philosopher's increasingly ridiculous claims keep escalating, and he uses circular logic (needing a drink to have the memory to have needed the drink) to trap the Skeptic. **The Illustrations:** "At Dandy Lion Park" (left, dramatic) and "A Summer Yarn" (right, whimsical) visualize the tall-tale's absurdity. The small dialogue at bottom ("Charlie was kissing you...mosquitoes") provides light domestic humor. The satire targets men who spin exaggerated stories and dodge skepticism through sophistry—common targets in Judge's social commentary.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Yes, of course he was,’ retorted the Genial Philosopher. “Don't you know enough about botany to understand that much? They had to fasten the Pip to the pole with @ rope tied to his right leg to keep him from flying out of the ring, and I'm blest if I know how Billie managed to keep aboard of him; but he did until just toward the finish, when the rope broke and the poor kid was flung out into space like a bean out of a bean-snapper, going at the rate of five hundred miles an hour. Whatever became of the bird nobody ever could find out, and it wasn’t until six thousand years later when I met Billie back on earth again that I learned what happened to him either.” “You met him six thousand years later, did you?" asked the | Skeptic. i] **Yes,"’ said the Genial Philosopher. ‘* It was during my sixth | time on earth, [come back about once ina thousand years, and this time Iwas a Roman soldier under Julius r, and I met Billie ’ walking into the se hous morning. He'd just been elected | to the senate from the third ward. We recognized each other in- stantly, and when [asked him what h ed to him after we saw him go sailing off into the air ten miles ahead of the Pip, he confessed that he had only a bare recolleetion of the incident, but } for about a hundred and recalled that after flying through spac fifty years he landed head first on Mars.” A SUMMER YAR harlie was kissing you in the hammock.”? No, he wasn't. “Those smacks you heard were when he killed mosquitoes.” Hue—* Prue— “Fine!” inhabited?”” “TL asked him that,” replied the Genial Philosopher, ‘* and he said he didn’t know, because the force of the blow of his head on the planet knocked him senseless and he did not recover consciousness again during that period of existence.” ere was a prolonged silence following this narration, which ial Philosopher broke himself finally. * TL couldn't remember that if I hadn't been here before, could id. "said the Skeptic, “1 doubt if you could—that is—not ejaculated the Skeptic. ‘* And tell me, did he find Mars unless you He hesitated. Unless I what?"’ demanded the Bhilosophe: ** Not unless you'd had ten or eleven highbal tic. “Then it's proved,’’ said the C jal Philosopher; ** because I haven't had more than seven or eight. Why, it isn't four o'clock ye HORACE DODD GasTIT. * said the Skep- A GOOD jab of the scribe’s pen is a thrust that the editor wel- AT DANDY LION pmes to hia heart, PARK.