Judge, 1909-05-22 · page 7 of 16
Judge — May 22, 1909 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains three unrelated pieces of early 20th-century humor: **"A Kitchen Tragedy"** (top left): A wordless comic strip showing domestic chaos—a wife apparently destroys the kitchen while cooking, suggesting incompetence or marital discord. The accompanying "Fancies" section sarcastically defines marriage as a gambling game where love cannot protect against practical failures like unpaid rent. **"The Lost Car"** (center/right): A poem about a man who loses control of his automobile while cranking it, leading to its mysterious disappearance. This satirizes early motorcar unreliability and the physical dangers of hand-cranking engines—a genuine hazard of 1910s automobiles. **"System in Salesmanship"** (bottom): A humorous anecdote where a successful car salesman reveals his sales trick: taking customers on test drives, deliberately getting arrested for speeding, then claiming "no argument" needed afterward. The joke satirizes aggressive sales tactics and corrupt complicity between salesmen and police through traffic violations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A KITCHEN TRAGEDY; OR, WHAT HAPPENED ‘TO ‘THE DOUG A STORY WITHOUT WoRDs, FANCIES Prepared Especially for the Young Man Whose Thoughts at Spring Time Lightly Turn. JF MARRIAGE were not a gambling kame, pure and simple, we would not speak of winning a husband or a wife. Love may laugh at locksmiths, but it ix perfectly helpless when it comes to bolting the door against the rent collector, Anengagement ring is Cupid’s bill of lading for a consignment of perishable goods, sent at purchaser's risk. Don't believe that old theory about match- es being made in heav- en; the sulphur and brimstone composing some of them are prod- ucts found only on the other side of the map. w. Gm t e chuckled to think he ind told his wife that it paid to dine the plus But — THE LOST CAR. YING on Sweating and soaked with oil, I worked at a cranky engine, And my only reward was the toil. n. I know not what I was saying, As I tinkered and wrenched and toi I doubt not ‘twas something quite sav: It may be I even swore. mt. My patience gave out on that engine; w it a thump, some thingamadinkus And started it up at a jump. f Ww. day ‘neath the auto, Before one could twinkle an eyelid. Kefore there was time for surprise— ‘That car tore away down the highway And I lay glaring up at the skies. v. I sprang up, and madly I followed, But soon gave it up in disgust, For that runaway car quickly vanished In a thick, swirling cyclone of dust. “L T sought it in byways and hedges, In highway and busy street And, though I made thorough inquiries, With never a trace did I meet. vn. Perhaps in some future existence, In worlds far beyond mortals’ ken, I shall once more make search for thut auto, But I doubt if I find it then. SYSTEM IN SALESMANSHIP. “yn man,"’ says the automobile manufacturer to the new salesman who has astonished the organization by the rapid-fire salea he has made in the two months of his employment, “I must congratulate you on your work."” “Thank you, sir,” replies the new salesman modestly. “1 know we build the best auto in the market," says the manufacturer, ** but even at that I cannot understand how y Tan iN PACINO {i can sell ten times as many machine iii i : the very be: had prior to | you. How do i | | “Well, sir," explains the new ie AWA esman, the light of honest pride in aL CIN hi I always ask the customer + to take a ride in one of our machines us the first move toward getting: ac- quainted with its riding qualities. Of course he accepts the invitation. 1 then take him out on the boulevard and get arrested and fined for fast run- ning. After that there is no argu- ment."" ‘Ten minutes later the new sales- man leaves the private office with a block of pre stock tucked away in his inside pocket. Tre comicbooks.com