Judge — May 8, 1909 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MAN YOU PAY. (With profound apologies to Rudyant Kipling.) By the sizzling radiator, in our small, steam-heated flat, e's a Yankee girl a-sitting, and I know just what she’s at; For the silver's in the pawnshop, and the landlord's come to sa; | “You must get a hustle on you, or get out, unless you pay !"” Thi “You'll go out unless you pay,” That's what all the landlords sa: Can't you hear the silver chinking in their pockets all the day? | Now, how can a fellow pay, When he hasn’t worked a day For the last three months and ove the boss has skipped awa; We had a jolly send-off, and the prospect was serene, And Netta set around there, a-looking like a queen. d her every morning, and I said she was my star; Then I took the stairwa: caught the troll flying, and That sardine-packed trolley ear— And it took me pretty far. Now, I haven't a nickel; it's a pretty solid jar, And how can a fellow pay? Send me somewheres west of Texas, where a cyclone is the worst, Where there ain't no rent days coming, and I'll raise a crop or burst! For the landlord keeps a-calling, and I'd rather see a rat By the sizzling radiator, in our small, steam-heated flat! For how can a fellow pay, Whatever landlords say, When there ain't a thing a-doing, and off all the day? | can a fellow pay, | just zo home and play Jast three months and over, and the boss has skipped away? A POLITE TRAMP. The most polite Weary Willic yet, so far us the records show, was the sleck back door the othe 1 been well fed, with a the foot, delivered feliow who, day where h bow and a se If time pass this way “Well, good. ares well with me, and [eve again, VU gi “REASON FOR HIS MADNESS.” “Hurrah! spring’s here!” the druggist cries, His reason, I've jon, Is 'e: more I sell a lot Of anti-freekle lotion. | Premature Baldness is often prevented and a healthy of hair stimulated by systematic — shampooin with Packer’s Tar Soap It imparts a tonic cleanliness to growth those scalp structures which maintain the life and health of the hair, and thus controls prevents dandruff. Our booklets of practical inf tion, Dandeatf and * The of the Hair and Sealp."? mailed f | THE PACKER MEG. CO. SUITE #78, SEW YORK RESTORATION. A SCARY SWAIN. You say you found this five- He Took to the Tall Timber at the First Sign of Anything That Looked Like a Proposal. This is a belated leap-year story that happened to get overlooked in the holiday rush of 1908, But better late than never, as the Long Island conductor said when his train came in four hours behind tim Her name was Gladys Genev Jones, and the name of the other party to the episode was William Henry Har- rison Hankins. Gladys had attained the mature of twent Judge dollar bill Prisoner—*Yes, your honor." Judge—"And you didn’t attempt to restore it?” Prisoner—I did, your honor.”* Judge—"To its owner?” Prisoner—"No—to circulation A LITTLE MIXED. A little girl was sent to the store for a spool of silk thread. Her mother to remember that she ay nine summers, told pie en i while William Henry, ete., had also a Letter ; i i reached th «of discretion, with a n her way she forgot the letter. | fay years over for good measure. When the clerk asked her what letter! Wittiam Henry and Gladys had long she wanted, she hesitated, but finally yoo friends, but today, for the first rplied, “Letter alune.”” | time, she had taken advantage of her THE REASON. leap-year privileges and invited him “Yes, Johnny, Ut for a moonlight drive. Blushingly Sunday-school teacher he had accepted—for Mr, Hankins was one of these bashful swains who never get over the habit of blushing when in the presence of the opposite sex. Gladys Genevieve believed in doing things right. She had driven the coy and diffident’ Hankins to the n ge, four miles away, treated him left off in order to see whether or not |‘ 4" oyster supper, with all the et cet | that has been the cause of the trouble, eras and trimmings, and now, at lust, A lady in Huntsville, Ala., says she they were on their homeward journey. | used coffee for about 40 years, and for For a time they rode alone wrapped the pase 20 Years was troubled with) mostly in silence, and then Gladys sud- | — rT have been treated by many physi-|denly gave a little shiver, moved closer | cians, but all invain, Everything failed |to her companion’s side, looked up in-| Shaving Cream Soap to perfect acure. 1 prostrated for quiringly into his face, and began, sottens; (he beard #0 perteclly that the some time and came near dying. When | a i Me e| | tazor (properly stropped) never I recovered sufficiently to partake or{ Mr. Hankins, don’t you think it! | scrapes or pulls—it permits a cleaner food ard deink | tried voted apain and |Would be a good plan if we were to | shave than ordinary lathers because it double uj lies closer to the skin. faces in cold it soured on my stomach. - j . e chapp “T finally concluded ‘coffee was the| She was interrupted by a wild ery of | wemher ticiset keeps jour skin ott alarm from Mr. Hankins, ‘The next in- cause of my troubles and stopped using and smooth, tried tia and then milk in its stant he had sprung from the sleigh ei ete contains nothing injurious to 4 and fled swiftly into the starlit night. eae ste both: Beret “Now, 1 wonder what on earth nous to both. — Berset he most sani~ the poor fellow that wa; Gladys Genevieve, as she alone, “Twas didn’t think the hairs of our heads are numbered. luhuny—"To catch them when they 0 too fast, like an auto? Just wet the brush—squeeze out Berset the size of a bean, and lather up. _ Berset $ OLD SOAKERS TURATED WITH CAFFE aving Cream Soap is it is antiseptic and con- is no free Alkali to smart, dry and pucker the skin. Composed’ of Glyc- ¢rine and Cocoanut Oil, it is rightly called The Healing Lather. BERSET sand gradually declined th, it is time the coffee should be pl startled ruminated drove slowly homeward, only going, to ask him if h ever discov pow used it four months, and than shaving th is so greatly improved that 1 can eat almost anything [want and ean sleep well, whereas before I suffered for 4 with insomn Thave found the cause of my trou- bles and a way to get rid of them, You ean depend upon it, [appreciate ® Postum. Send deater’s ample tube. ns for We, RUBBERSET COMPANY it would be a good plan if we were to double up the lap robe on account of the h 1% Ferry Street, Newark, N. J. ng so chilly, whe y like how sot the out to propose, what poor, half-witted, seary , anyhow !"* sprang out Iman, Must in his head at, Read ‘* The ide Ayres, ? Anewone pears trom time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. the men PHILIP MORRIS | CIGARETTES All good people likethem. Near- ly all.good peo- ple smoke them In Little Brown Boxes FORCE OF HABE | asdd quia Stucpas a nto sella CAMBRIDGE | AMBASSADOR | oe he Nfnece of babi. He insisted the retalar sise afte dinner lee upon down the minister's remarks in saad re 2 shorthar comicbooks.com