Judge — May 1, 1909 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

al the Lib Insist upon having i the genuine Ortite = LON| bee His Heads IG 00." Famine ton, Ky. New York, Ci Warren snannc —)] SHAVING Leay the tale THE LATEST COAL ‘CARRIER. Harry Lauder, the come- | dian, certainly made a bi hit in the United States with his \stories. ‘One of his best’? was at a dinner in Washington. Of course its scene was Jaid in Ireland. “One night Sanders McDowell, a coal heaver, said angrily to his wife, “*Havers, Lispeth, hoo manny times am I to tell ye I winna hae the children bringin’ up coal in ma top hat?’ “*Hoot, Sanders, mon, be reason- Jable,’ said Lispeth. ‘Ye've spoilt the shape o’ the top hat wi’ yer funny head ‘ready; an’, since ye’re heavin’ coal all day, wot can a little extra coal dust in the head-piece matter: “Woman, ye dinn ment,’ said Sanders. ‘I only wear that top hat in the evenin’, and if, whiles I'm oot, I tak’ it off, it leaves'a black band round ma forehead. What's the rasoolt?. Why, I'm accused on all sides | grasp ma argy- tories About People “*Leannot tell how, the truth may be: da "twoas told to me. POOR FOUNDATIONS. Among the guests at a recent dinner of the Builders’ Association, held at Minneapolis, was J. G. Houghton, the president of the Building Commissioners’ Society. If press reports may be believed, he brought the house down—or, more ac- curately, the table up—with this bon mot: “A poor foundation will in the end cause the collapse of everything but seandal.”* SENSIBLE ADVICE. Many are the stories which are told of the wit of Herr Rosenthal, the well- known pianist, who recently made his reappearance in London after an ab- sence of nine years. “Tam losing a tremendous lot of | money in connection with my recitals, | said a not too successful pianist to one day. ‘*What shall I do?" Give fewer concerts,” was Rosen- ‘thal’s quick reply. ON DS o’ washin’ ma face wi’ ma hat on!'"* Auures Comfort Used by Men of Discrimination Everywhere Write for int Essentials — The Truth Can be told about Great Western Champagne PLEASANT VALLEY WINE CO., Sole Makers, Rbelans, N.Y. Collars and sal sank BRAND, ; Kaos og nen sits 15¢ FOR25¢° Lixts “mM rte AT x CIGARS WENRY LINDENMEYR & SONS PAPER WAREHOUSE Nem. 22, 24, aml 9, Bleecker Street Branch Warehouse. 29 Kieekman Street, New York. ALL KINUM OF PAPER MADE TO ORDER. A SIN} “It am wicked to catch fish « “Golly! then Tsu TELEPHONE OPERATOR GOT BUSY. At Washington the newspaper corre- ts are telling the following story | about Representative Walter Brownlow, of Tenn Recently he: called up | somebody at the White House, He had ja fierce time. Central,"’ who tried to | get the number for him, appeared to be |inexperienced or as Mr. Brown- low, ordinarily the most patient of men, finally lost tience. jook here!" he shouted; “quit th foolishn Either get me the Whit House or give me some place where I may at least talk to my intellectual equal!”” Silence for a moment, and then over the wire came a good loud ** Hello!” a man's Mr. Brownlow was much relieved. What place is this?’’ he asked. “The Government Hospital for the Insane, across the river,” came the an- [ri Representative Brownlow is now en- deavoring to ascertain that central’s name. He wants to have her promoted. That's what he says to the newspaper men. It’s the proper thing to take Abbott's Bitters with a glass of sherry or soda before meals: p°-"= vou an appetite, Atalldruggists’. [the Bese Bitter Liqueur] ZU rderberg Toe Worle s Bese Taken daily, means good appetite, LUYTIES BROTHERS, 8. Agents, New York, The ideal of what a de- lightful drink should be A Club Cocktail is the cocktail of the secur be mixed to exact proportion. CLUB COCKTAILS never vary. mnoise ause it is measures They're always uniform. ' always right ZR SAVED. | unday, mah ly ain't wicked for I ain't catched enny."* | THE OMNISCIENT JUDGE. At a recent dinner of law students in ew York City, Judge Frederick E. Crane was one of the speak; In the! course of his remarks he said, | “We are not omniscient, though from our air you mightJoften think we were. | When I begin to feel omniscient I call to mind, as a corrective, Judge O'Brien, of Dublin, udge O'Brien was delive sion in a will contest. The testator| had gone to America, and nothing had , be heard of him for many years;| hence he was supposed to be dead, and they were dividing up his estate accord- ing to the will he had left behind. udge O'Brien, a very pompous man, read on and on. ***And it is plain to me,’ read the | judge, ‘that when the testator said he | bequeathed this farm and appurtenances to Bridget O'Hoolahan, by appurte- nances he meant all that portion marked A and colored green on the plan.” “You're a liar!’ shouted a voice from the rear of the court. “Arrest that man!" shouted the judge. | “And the man, a thin old fellow, was dragged, struggling, before the bar. “How dare you, sir! Who are you?” Judge O'Brien demanded. “*Qi'm the testator!’ was the reply, in a scornful Irish-American accent.” ng his # Martini (gin base) and Manhattan (whisky base) are the most popular. Get a buttle from your dealer. < oi G. F. HBUBLBIN & BRO. WARTFORD New Yert Lenco NOT THE COLD KIND. The frosting on the window pane May pretty pictures make, But, though they're fine, I'll choose for mine The frosting on the cake. ~Kansas City Times, Bennnerw Orernina Co, Lovievitus. comicbooks.com