Judge, 1909-03-27 · page 6 of 24
Judge — March 27, 1909 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satire: **"Danger of the Third Rail"** (top): A moralistic poem warning against various character flaws—unsympathetic behavior toward widows, dishonesty, impatience—using the "third rail" (electrified rail in streetcars, deadly to touch) as a metaphor for fatal mistakes. **"Turn About"** (right column): Satirizes wealthy restaurant patrons complaining about inflated prices ($15 for coffee and rolls) while their wives spend extravagantly ($50 on millinery with lace and artificial roses). The joke exposes hypocrisy: men object to restaurant costs but ignore their wives' luxury spending. **"Yarn Told by Captain Firg at the Liars' Club"** (bottom): A tall tale about a starving castaway on a barren island whom a codfish conveniently jumps toward, then roasts itself on the fire—an absurdist story typical of the "Liars' Club" genre, poking fun at exaggerated adventure narratives. The page blends moral instruction with social satire and humorous fiction, characteristic of *Judge* magazine's mix of content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WAPETERSEN DANGER OF ‘THE “THIKD RAIL. CLUBMEN, IT IS FATAL. TURN ABOUT. go ) SYMPATHIZE with a widow. 66 YHATY” shouts the patron of the restaurant.‘ Fifteen dole As ap) To protest that you don't believe—when you lars for coffee and rolls! It's outrageous, 1 won't pay it.” an¥ ay don't. ** Yex, you will,”? calmly states the propricter. ‘* My wife went To hurry, when you are y shop yesterday and paid fifty dollars for some ‘To hope too little, when y “d with two feet of lace and an artificial rose, To care, when there is need to. Now you see how it feels, don't you?”” \ na hurry. into your mil rease is hopeless. — wire frame, co +, and win, and be successful, T'S DIFFICULT at times to account for the bright sayings of To live too long. Teens 1 MASON. some children, after hearing their parents talk. YARN ‘TOLD BY CAPTAIN FIRG AT ‘THE LIARS CLUB. cS "] 1. “EI never fergit the # 2. death on a barren island in the cific, 1 wuz that we I couk and wuz jist ready ter kick the bucket wher 2. ——a big codfish jumps outer the ocean and flops towards me! v e SF u “Do vou ume NE MEDIUM om WELL pone! . up the fite, cht ny, astanishin’ ter relate, it stirs dnt 6, —— And when era tum it flops. thea off the fire + and all T has ter do Hop oveeand roast itself on the ather ! is ter take out to fer the . fish Pever tasted in all me gam doodled career !? wood on it, and flops Fight on ter the red-hot coals comicbooks.com