Judge — March 13, 1909 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE PRESS AGENT'S DESCRIPTION OF THE WEDDING. HEN Emory, the society reporter, tele- phoned that he was sick, it so hap- pened that all the other reporters were busy. The editor turned to the circus pregs agent, who had dropped in, and asked him if he thought he could write up a society wedding. “Sure,” said the agent. The following is what he turned in: “The wedding of Miss Million and Count Air took place at the Fifth Avenue Church last night. Long before the Grand Entry the Mon- ee strous, Absolutely Water-proof structure was THE ONLY WAY. crowded to the doors. After the Grand Prom- Millionaire (to attorney)—* It is my desite to leave all of my enade Concert there entered the Most Glorious, property to the United States government, How en I do so and Elegant, Colossal, and Fabulously Rich Pag- ‘Attorney—* Turn all your holdings into United States bonds eant of all times. A Magnificent and Opulent and notes, and burn them on your death-bed.”” scene of Glittering Splendor, blending the wonders of the Orient with the Marvels of the Occident. A Kaleidoscopic and Dioramic Presentation, Eclipsing in Magnitude, and Surpassing in Barbaric Splendor, all previous efforts, A moving Panorama of Grandeur, a Superb Eye Feast of Magnifi- cence, teeming with life and color. Exhibited ina series of Pageantry Displays and Brilliant Tubleaux, the Pomp and Splendid Regalia of the East. The Pro- cession moved in Mastodonic, Majestic, Massive, and Magnificent March under the Iridescent Sheen of a Thousand Glimmering Lights, the whole forming a Sumptuous, Satisfying, and Surprising exhibition, so overwhelmingly superior to all previous efforts that no language in its praise is extravagant, and it is simply im- possible of verbal delineation. Never before has " there been such a Prodigal Plentitude of Princely bh j 2) Pageantry. “Into that enchanted dreamland there came Handsome Knights, dressed in the Gorgeous manner of the Imperial Claw Hammer. Beautiful wom- en in Sublime Creations, Beautiful, Impossible women, with waists three degrees below their swan-like necks, with silken garments falling Eight inches under the toes in front and four yards behind the heels, decorated with one thousand Yards—One thousand—of lace and ribbon. Silken hair drawn gracefully back in beautiful folds over a bale of hay and held together with flowers, fly-net, and fuzz. Thus they entered, a Wonderful presentation of Strange, Odd, and Remarkable shapes, whose duplicates are not on earth, representing the Whims and Fancies of the designers in their most Eccentric Go >. moods. The Knights and Ladies, flower girls, Ladies-in-wait- NAPerensen » ing, and other members of the Superb Company formed a line on each side of the Altar. The Minister poised himself gracefully in the center. “« Now came the time when all hearts ceased to beat. The Spectators see the two Principal Performers appear at the head of the Long, Steep, Inclined aisles. The Music plays. The Signal is given. They are off, and down that steep in- cline they come, a most superb exhibition of unparalleled, Dangerous, and Death-defying Nerve. Timed to the Second, they meet at the Altar, the Minister says a few words, and then the hero, Laughing Death to Scorn, while Diabolical Audacity sits upon his throne, lets his hand, containing nothing but_a band of Pure Gold, make one stupendous, awful flight across the wide chasm and alight safely within the waiting hand upon the other side, the ring fits upon the Fair Girl’s finger, and the act so fraught with Awful Consequence as to Appall all imitators is over. The Music grows louder, the spectators sigh with re- lief, and the greatest spectacle of modern times is only a memory.”” MORRIS ANDERSON. LOVE FINDS A WAY. Cupid—“ It’s lucky I’ve got wings.’” THE HORSE-SHOW GIRL