Judge — February 6, 1909 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

— DIARY OF A CONCEITED COMIC. JEBRUARY 5th—I was taken out of a musty drawer F to-day and hung on a string in the store window. About an hour later several people stopped to look at me. Now I wonder why they laughed so heartily? It couldn’t have been at me, February 6th—Never having seen my face in a looking- glass, I cannot, of course, judge of my beauty. Did the snecrs of the old maid, who sized me up so long this morn- mean jealousy? Iam inclined to think so, February 7th—Yes, I must be beautiful. A little boy paused to look at me on his way to school at noon, and I heard him distinctly chuckle and say that he would have to send me to his teacher. February 8th—I must be an uncommonly pretty valen- MRS. MURPHY, __ tine, 80 many people wish to purchase me. To-day a man “She has a peach of a and woman were gazing in the window, and the former said shape, but looks like a he would have to buy me later on and send me to the jani- per tor’s wife. Iam in great demand, it seems, owing to my beauty. Ido hope my hat is on straight. February 9th—It’s a great shame that I cannot see my face. I do so love to look at pretty things. A swell-looking woman was in the store to-day, and she said, if she dared, she would like to send me to one of her neighbors. I seem to attract no end of attention, Wish I could feel if my hair is all right. February 10th—-Now I know that I am a perfect dream. Two handsome college chaps stood and smiled at me this morning. 1 wonder if they had the audacity to think that I would flirt with them! One remarked that I was just the thing for the professor's wife—whoever she may be. Now I wonder if my skirt hangs just right. February 11th—I must be growing more beautiful all the time, judging by the sneers of my own sex. Two girls stopped at the window in which I am hanging, and one of them stuck out her tongue and said she would commit suicide if she ever re- ceived a valentine like me. The jealous minx! February 12th—I was purchased to-day by a pale, worried-looking man, but he hadn't gone two blocks before he returned and asked the proprietor to exchange me for something else. He said that while he wanted to take down a maiden aunt a peg or two, I might be the means of causing a riot in the house. On account of my great beauty, I suppose. February 13th—I am out of the window for good now, and hope to sec something of the world, A man purchased me this afternoon, and told the proprietor that he stenographer a pleasant little surprise on the morrow. How she Oh, if I could only feel sure that my hat is on straight! February 14th—My great beauty has brought my career to an end, ‘The mo- ment the stenographer took me from the envelope, she went into hysterics and tore me into a thousand pieces. Jousy has been the death of me. You wonder how, being torn into a thousand pieces, I can write these lines? An author, gentle reader, can make a valentine do any- thing when he needs the mor ALB Lewis wanted to give will rave over m EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON THE VIEWPOINT. 66 AAR. WILSON,” said M the head of the firm, “ Tunderstand that sonal friend of “That is true, sir," said Wilson, “Well, I wish you'd try to collect this account. from him. None of our collectors can turn the trick, and it's a long time Wilson ed to try. The next morning his face renew when the sp wort ord hy shouldn't the girls? curious exp . “What success?" asked the head of the firm. __ “That depends upon the point of view," said Wilson,‘ You see, T called Inst night and saw the old man, ‘Mr, Spinks,’ I began, ‘Ive called to ask you if? whereupon the old man butted in with: ‘* That's all right, my boy,’ he said. ‘You can h happy “Then he added that I should find Alice in the drawing-room, and shut the door on me."" n. her. 1 trust you'll be OWEN TAU LOOKED IN THE WRONG PLACE. PREVENTING CRUELTY TO ANIMALS. JN THE hall there was paint that was fresh, and wi “Phat in blazes are ye doin’ wid two ov them things?” The passage Belle walked, her white dress ch | ota cruel man. When one poor leedle feller ‘Why didn’t," she cried, in a voice of complaint, gets tired I take him up and ride on de odder von.” “That sign read, * Look in!’ not, ‘ Look out for the paint!" * comicbooks.com