Judge, 1909-01-02 · page 10 of 16
Judge — January 2, 1909 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several New Year-themed satirical pieces mocking domestic life and consumer culture circa early 1900s. **"Starting the New Year Right"** jokes about a husband who can't keep resolutions because his wife forces him to attend church every Sunday—suggesting wives are obstacles to self-improvement. **"Mary's Lamb Again"** plays on the nursery rhyme, with a child's complaint about wanting lamb sauce, likely mocking spoiled children or rationing debates. **"A Post-Christmas Letter"** presents a child's bitter complaint to Santa that all toys broke immediately—satirizing cheap manufacturing and planned obsolescence in Christmas gifts. **"The Lady or the Auto?"** parodies Frank Stockton's "The Lady or the Tiger," comparing a woman to an automobile. The joke: both are unpredictable, unreliable, and will eventually "break" or betray you—contemporary misogynist humor equating women with malfunctioning machines. The page overall mocks marriage, consumerism, and childhood disappointment through period-specific anxieties about modern life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
STARTING THE NEW YEAR RIGHT. “y HOPE,” said the min “that you intend to the New Y with the splendid GLIDES > resolution that you will putevery ALONG faa) moment of your waking hours tu some good use." “Td like to, but Tean't do in” “Can't do it? Why not 2" “My wife would make life 4 burden to me if 1 didn’t yo with her every Sunday morning to hear you prew A LA TENNYSON. Y SON, you spread your sail, his precept hear, though it be small "Tis better to resolve and fail ‘Than never to resolve ut all MARY'S LAMB AGAIN. ARY had a little lamb, but P ppicie a it was spoiled for want of Wine aantinc™ Naw ee a little Y. the toad.” A POST-CHRISTMAS LETTER. Y BEAUTIFUL old Sant Thate to write oh, ¢ ‘ause I've prot the worstest news er you did henr, My jumping-jack won't jump at all, My chair has broke its back, My bestest dolly’s lost its head My cars run off the track My automobile won't wind up, My ship, it went and My nicest book But Ive got exes gee en't stron And did you know a Ix very hard to fix? Next year, ne stronger stull, FARO Reo And use a glue sticks, <THLLA CONRY. A “DASCH” FOR THE POLE. * A THE LADY OR THE AUTO? WO RY = . , oe (With apologies to Stockton.) mash bt «eS 1 ar : oo O FAIR she was! so trim and trig! So strong, yet slight, and not too big, With seeming just enough of spi 1 wondered if E had the price! ™) ITHTHYOSAURY. ANTE ~y j t | I got her, tho’ it cost me iLuv Ey baer fi (Orshe got me, as doth app. Oh, how my face with j ‘shine , When first I thought that she { was mine! \ FReEl ) How smoothly, swiftly on we \\Guxt iO, drew, As tender lovers always do. And we were they, yes, we sue! She yielded to my. slightest touch. She broke, she tore, she burned up bills, She balked, she kicked, she g: hill She me flying in the ditch ‘The Lady or the Auto- which ¢ CWARLIS IRVIN. JUNKIN, TOO BAD. Frost -“*The good die young."* NEW YEAR'S IN Snow —" Yes; the infant rauchnata Wh mortality is not nearly so large as it used to be." comicbooks.com