Judge — November 21, 1908 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

REFLECTIONS OF so he got married and UNCLE EZRA. hasn't had a chance OBODY ever knows to stutter since. N ‘a poet is alive un- If you want to til he is dead. find out for sure I see a New York whether you are a woman has offered a great writer write a prize for the best skin book and lyrics for a food. Thebestskin food musical comedy. If I know of is oranges or some manager pro- bananners. duces it you are not Why are folks mak- a great writer. in’ so much fuss about About the most the great achievement embarrassin’ thing I of buildin’ a tunnel un- know of is for a fel- der the East River? It ler to accidentally would be a blame sight drop his false teeth in more remarkable if the soup at a church somebody shou}d build a oyster supper. tunnel over it. The styles in If Haskell is as plug hats change so much of a lia, as; the - often that a feller President makeshimout can hardly wear one to be, there out’ td bem"; more than once or good job waitin’ for him twice before it is at the weather bureau, away behind the Most of the big times. Hod Peters JUDGE'S FAVORITE guns in the navy ‘are only wore his once— MARRIET BURT IN “ALGERIA.” amooth bores, and, by the time Grover Among the stars you shine heck! most of the big Cleveland was first To light the Great White Way, A 8c Ree Where one finds joy and mirth gune in politica ted—and it ain't When you drive care away smooth bores, too. in style at all now. There was a poker Methuselah ain’t party to Anse Hilliker’s house one night last week, and they used entitled to so much cold pancakes for chips. While Anse was dealin’ a hand, his young- credit, after all, when est kid slipped up behind him and ate up $33.65. we stop to think Elmer Spink stuttered something fierce and wanted to cure it, there were no forty- candle - power oatmobiles A QUACK DOCTOR. chasin’ around the asphalt in his day and age. There is a special job for shorthand writers in heaven. They have to turn in and help the recordin’ angel every four years durin’ the national campaigns. Almost everything has a mission in life, exceptin’ mission furniture. koY K. MOULTON. THE NIGHT AFTER THANKSGIVING. OW on my breast doth heaviness N And anxious sorrow sadly I ‘Tis echo of last night's distress— I dreamed I was a chicken pie. My crust was full, yet would not burst, Although I did not cease to strive. I felt their wings, and—what was worst— Each mother’s chick appeared alive! In vain I sought to plunge a knife To where such great disturbance lay; 1 only managed in my strife To cast the bedclothes all away. At last—I knew not when nor how— ‘This vision sauntered from my head. And yet I could not rest, for now I was a roasted pig instead. My ears were decked with something green; T held an apple in my paws. And some one—meanest of the my Had jammed a lemon in my jaws! I woke from this to swiftly drag My senses through a greater woe; I was all sewed up in a bag— A pudding, I would have you know. And now all earthly hope seemed past- I screeched and floundered, so they said. This morning, when I woke at last, I wished I had not gone to bed. 1.8 WATERHOUSE. ad Pil eteear CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES Farmer G ' Lhate to kill thet turkey I've fed her sence she wuzzen sauch bigger then a sy. ate ' . ing?” Sympath . if r Farmer Vere (Later, after lifting the Uncle ‘Rastus—** Six months ef I's dun gits kotched wif bird) Shot she ain't hatf fat ‘ dese chickuns,"* Crawford—* What do you expect to get for Thanksg comicbooks.com