Judge — November 21, 1908 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHY | WOULDN'T MARRY MY WIFE. (From the Gentlemen's Home Journal.) ONVERSATION—as_ con- versations unfortunately will when only married men are present—turned on our wives. Presently one of us asked the com- pany, Say, if you were ‘@ young man and knew as much as you do now, would you marry your wife again Personally I do not believe in discussing such questions. As the proverb says, it’s no use erying over spilt milk. It's a good deal wiser to mix water with what's left in the jug and blame the milk- man, But the question haunted me. I thought it over at lunch, and discussed it, guardedly, of course, with the young woman behind my favorite lunch counter. As a result—for we agreed that it is always the wife's fault—I am about to dictate to my stenographer a few of the reasons why I should not marry my wife if I had it to do over again. This Ido for the benefit of wives in general. My stenog- rapher may sooner or later become a wife herself. Not that I mean this to be an exposé of marital infelicity. My own married life has been comparatively successful. We are as happy together as two cold doughnuts on the same plate. But many a husband craves and needs a more complete realization of his youth- ful day dreaming. Few wives understand the yearnings of a man’s poetic and sentimental nature. The first reason why I would not marry my wife is because she is older. This may seem strange, insomuch as I knew she would grow older when I married he I have, to a cer- tain extent, grown older myself. But the popu- lar magazines are full of pictures of women whom I know to be older than my wife, yet who look at least ten or a dozen years younger. idently, therefore, is my wife’s fault. What one woman can do, my wife ought to be able todo. I cannot blame myself for sometimes feeling indignant that she is no longer the shy, sweet creature that in one happy summer week I learned to worship. I married a woman brought up like myself. That was a mis- take. There was almost nothing to make her realize that I ama superior creature, and when a wife does not, day by day and hour by hour, rely more and more upon her husband's judgment and experi- ence, ahome is inevitably divided. There are conflicts of opinion that cannot help but mar the translucent delicacy of ideal matrimony. Nothing, for example, so handicaps a map in the battle of life as to have his wife constantly “| disagree with him in mat- | ters of taste, Another reason why I would not marry my wis is that she is more polite to me than to any other man of her acquaintance. Politeness, of course, is |necessary. I insisted upon it in the beginning. But she. has a special manner which she uses to me—a way of saying, “If you please, my dear,” or, “Of course, if that is your opin- jon,"’ that I have heard wives use to their hus- bands. The woman at the lunch counter is polite, but it is in adifferent spi ‘THE FORTUNE Sharp Edge you on the day indicated pa Pd Ne Jackets ‘Yar Sealy WWHGIN TOO EARLY This card means that a terrible misfortune will befall | T would not marry my wife again because of her immoderate use of chocolate drops. I am perfectly willing that my wife should eat chocolate drops in moderation. In fact, I am no such fool as not to know that if a woman cannot eat chocolate drops at home, she will go where she can, But I have beseeched her to moderate her in- dulgence. I have sought to build up her pride, to shame her woman- hood, to show her that she is becoming the slave of a habit. She positively tastes like a chocolate drop. She knows I dislike choco- late, and it makes no difference. Like all wives, she expects ca- resses, and yet she insists upon tasting like a chocolate drop. Even our children notice it, and comment upon it in a joking way that should nevertheless be taken as a serious expression of disapproba- tion. My wife is not truly delicate and refined, a8 1 am, She insists, for example, in taking the baby in a perambulator when we so out for a walk. She likes to stop and gawk—I can find no other word for it—gawk at the bargains in the shop windows, She stops, right in the street, to speak todirty-faced urchins. She makes jokes with tradespeople, She once allowed me to see her when she had the mumps. These things have been a terrible bur¢ If had my life to live over again, nothing would induce me to undertake them—no, not even the proud delight of being the father of six won- derful children. These are only a few of the reasons why | would not marry my wife, but they are enough perhaps ‘to set some wives thinking and introduce into other homes something of that ideal companionship for which men marry and which so seldom material- izes. Much would be accomplished if women would only realize kow their hus- bands crave appreciation. If I say to my own wife, ‘*Do you like my new suit?”’ she will probably answer, “ Yes; it is very becoming,” and wonder why I asked her. Yet Iam sure there is hard- ly a man living who would not be made happier to hear his wife say, “ Dear, I do wish you had a new dr t, but you do look awfully strong and handsome n tome. sc in that one, as you do in everythin UPWARD START. APTER CHANGING FROM COFFE | PosTUM. Many a talented person is kept ba because of the interference of coffee with the nourishment of the body. This is especially so with those whose nerves are very sensitive, as is often the case with talented persons. There is asimple, easy way to get rid of coffee evils, and a Tennessee lady's experience | along these I worth considering. ERGENCHEN, TO HE KNEW. Medium (after the se ance)—"* Can any one tell o Baya: me how spirits could have} ‘* Almost from the beginning of the gotten into the room and use of coffee it hurt my stomach. By moved the furniture when | the time I was fifteen Twas almost a I thed sre locked?'" |Rervous Wreck, nerves all unstrung, no all the doors were locked?""| strength to endure the most. trivial Bright boy (raising his | thing, either work or fun, hand)— With skeleton| ‘ There was scarcely anything I could keys.” eat that would agree with me, The li ° tle I did cat seemed to give me more BEWARE. |trouble than it was worth. I finally ; i quit coffee and drank hot water, but Wife (looking up from tre was so little food L could digest, L newspaper) —“* This paper was literally starving; was so weak I says that kissing is dan-| could not sit up long at a time. gerous because of germs.| “It was then a friend brought me a Now, I should like to know hot cup of Poatum, ey arank part of it, . , and after an hour I felt as though I had what one might catch by | 124 something to cat—felt strengthened, kissing? That was about fi years ago, and, Husband (wearily)-- after continuing Postum in place of “+ Husbands.” coffee and gradually getting stronger, to-day I can cat and digest anything I want, walk as much as I want. My nerves are steady. “T believe the first thing that did me any good and gave me an upward start : on was Postum, and I use it altogether now with me? . ____ |instead of coffee." ‘* There’s a Reason.” Reckless driver (slight-| Name given by Postum Co., Battle ly intoxicated) —‘* Sorry, Creek, Mich. Read “ The Road to Well- mum; but—but I can't Ville,”” in packag am : .|_ Ever read the above letter? Anew one oblige you. I'm mar-mar- | jocare from time to time. ‘They are ried already.” ‘ genuine, true, and tuil of human interest. NO DANGER. Excited woman—"'Are | you going to run away comicbooks.com