Judge — October 31, 1908 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ch iI i thy ASS ns EVILLE FOOTBALL Step right up and AT THE JUNG The progressive monk—" Come on, now, gentlemen! twenty-five cents! Only a few left! THE MUSINGS OF AN OFFICE-BOY. HE MAN who is in the biggest hurry to sce the ‘ boss "" is usu- T ally the man the ‘ boss "’ is in the biggest hurry to get rid of. The successful politician knows the meaning of the words ‘on the doors of a bank. It takes the ‘* Push"’ to get in close to the coin, and a ‘* Pull’ to get away with it. There is just two ways to win the ‘* boss's ’” hard or be a blonde stenographer. When the head bookkeeper calls you down, don’t get sore; just smile, and when the collector he has been dodging calls again, show him where he a When t old man "’ says he will be back in five minutes, don’t believe It takes longer than that to put the ice in the glass. When the good-looking stenog- rapher comes in dressed up like a Broad- way show window, act like you didn’t see her. It’s mean, but women must be taught their place. Nothing succeeds like success, un- less some one dies and leaves it to you. Next to a soft answer, there is nothing like a soft drink to drive away wrath when the boss's wife has b waiting for him. Always be kind to your inferiors, even the insurance agents. They have 4 right to make a living, even if they do make a fuss about it. When the man from the country who is strong on the * boyhood-days "” talk wants to see the ‘ boss,"” always show him right in, especially on Sat- urdays, It shows your heart is in the right place, if your head isn’t. When the bookkeeper who wears the rosebud in his buttonhole is whis- ing confidential over the "phone, his churned up into whipped-cream don't walk aw: get in close and listen, It shows a friendly inter- est, and he likes it. When the ‘old man’? growls at you for nothing, don’t sulk; kick the cat. If you ha borrow it. The pale fellow who wears glasses said that patience, like virtue, was a attention. Work en't one, jewel. Did you ever hear of any one loaning money on that kind of jewelry? Don’t carry your troubles on the surface; it might worry the janitor, Think it over in the subway. When you don’t feel right, smile; it don’t cost anything, unless you use the kind of smile the gets around the corner. “boss” ¥.G, AULSBROOK. PRETTY SMALL, opt SMALLEST man I ever saw," deolared a commercial traveler in a local hotel the other day, ‘* was a man whom I saved from drowning at Atlantic City one day last sum- mer, It happened that thia fel- low while tipsy accidentally fell off the end of the pier in deep water. Not being able to swim he began to emit lusty yells for help as he floundered about. 1 chanced to be strolling in the vicinity at the time, so rushing to the spot I plunged in, clothes and all, to the rescue. “ Being an unusually strong and efficient swimmer, I soon had my man where willing hands drew us both up to safety. While I stood there, my forty-dollar suit dripping icy water, the saved one began to blurt out his thanks. The next moment, however, he began to fumble in his vest pocket. “ Say,’ said he, eying me suspiciously, as the curious crowd closed round us, ‘ did you take that nickel I had in this pocket? Ni ( in) Wi iit) | GAME. J get your seats in this grand-stand for SECRET CONTRIBUTIONS. Stella—* Do you think contributions should be published before the close of the campaig: Rella—** No. 1 give my little brother a dime stay out of the parlor when Mr, Jones com very night to GRANT £ HAMILTON — TAFT ON HIM. pur rr comicbooks.com