Judge, 1908-06-20 · page 12 of 28
Judge — June 20, 1908 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines: **"Tom's Mustache"** is a romantic poem mocking sentimental Victorian verse by praising a young man's delicate facial hair in overwrought language. **"An Anecdote Under Difficulties"** depicts two drunk men mishearing each other's words—"Gladstone bag" becomes "sandstone," "whetstone," and "grindstone"—a comedy of phonetic confusion common to period drinking-humor. **"For Musical Conductors"** jokes that grand opera needs modern naming conventions (unclear specific reference). **"Before His Holiness"** appears to satirize Catholic confession, with a woman discussing Michael Clancy's behavior to a priest in broken English, likely poking fun at Irish-American stereotypes. **"Those Good Old Days"** contrasts past travel with modern "mud-slinging" (political attacks), suggesting nostalgia for simpler times. The page emphasizes wordplay, ethnic humor, and light social satire typical of Judge's era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TOM'S MUSTACHE. OFT as the down upon a young dove's breast, Chaste as the silk fringe of a aiden’s sash, Faint as the twilight melting into rest, Is Tom’s mustache. Fuller of hope than dreams of love or war. Dreams that no threat can ever quite abash Cultured with care, yet © Is Tom's mustac needing more, And should some day coy love his lips t diction surely ventures nothing rash), That which will make the wooing still more sweet Is Tom's mustachy ALERT KML AN ANECDOTE UNDER DIFFICULTIES. ut two sheets in the wind)—* Ever tell you ‘bout my near-losing urope 1) Never did, sh'help me!" ; a grip. What they call a Gladstone Set it down on the sidewalk in Paree on vd chap (three sheets in the Firat chap asn . and that's where 1 bought it, See your sandstone bag, eh? First chup “No, not My Gladstone bag. Had just set it down near the curbing and started to light a cig- ii) arette on the Bois Bou- log cond chap—** Where shay boy b'long what sthole your soapstone bag?" First chap- “My Gladstone bag! Was just getting ready to light up and have a smoke, and along comes a fellow and makes a reach for" Second chap“ Ushi Your whetstone bag." First chap—"“My Gladstone bag! Just then I turned around and saved" md chap—* Saved your grindstone bag! Good feller! Was grindstos bag all right, all right?” First chap ‘Oh, go to thunder! I've got t catch a train, any way, “What was that fe low trying to give you? queried the bartender, a FOR MUSICAL, CONDUCTORS. few minute “Amd why don't they have up to-date name for grand Second 1 Trying to spring something about a Blackstone gag, 1 guess, * Must be a lawyer,"? mused the bar-keep, BEFORE HIS HOLINESS. seyeu say that Michael Clancy put his arm around you?" came a deep voice from t mme shee. Oh, JACK ROBINSON, fessio “He did, father.” * And kissed you repeatedly against your will?” “Th? same, your ri “ When did all this 0 “Oi think about 18 Why, that was five her; but Oi love t’ think about it.” ur, my good woman?” @ THOSE GOOD OLD DAYS. “You used to travel a great deal, Senator Brown." t man regretfully; ‘ that was my pass-time, Mud-slinging leaves one with dirty hands, w.¢, RODERTS, PLE JOE'S AUTOMOBILE. comicbooks.com