Judge — June 6, 1908 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TOO STRENUOUS. “ I DON’T set myself upas knowin’ who is goin’ to be elected Presi- dent,” remarked Uncle Ez- ra Purdy, as he placed his right leg carefully over his left knee and gazed thoughtfully at the stove in Tibbitts’s general store. “I don’t callate to call the turn, but one thing I do know, and that is that the present administration too strenyus for me, and I ain’t “exactly what you is don't’ know but you're right, Ez," said Amos Butts, the village undertaker. ‘Not only that, but times ain't no good, There seems to be a lack of confidence. My business has been so slack the last three months that T have had to haul wood in the hearse most all winter to pay expenses.” “ Maybe people hate to die and miss all the fun,” commented Uncle Ezra. “But that ain’t to the point. What I claim is that the administration is too strenyus, too strenyus by half, Look at the way the present administration delivers the mail. The trains haven't got time to stop here, and consequently the mail is dropped off. Last Friday the pustmaster found the mail sack five mile down the West Hickey ville road. PAIN’ Jealous He— than mine?” She—"* Chocolate."* Jealous He—* Huh! all himself.” She—" Possibly. But I get the flavor when he kisses me!" IN! What makes his lips sweeter He's mean—he eats it The next day the mail sack offen the five-thirty-seven landed in Hod Peters's west eighty and blame near murdered a yearlin’ heif- er, Last Monday what did the mail cight-fifty-nine do? broke Station A\ Renfrew Binks's and knocked the chim- ley off the depot, and the draft in the ste and Renfrew’s nose ain’t been good since. The same night the mail sack off the nine-forty-three rolled up Main Street hellety-larrup, and smashed the plate-glass winder in Tupper's gruc- ery store, The pust-of- fice is in Tupper’s gruc- ery all right and there js such a thing The voluble one—"* 1 can always remember striking faces."* iD Begorra! ye'll niver wake to recolliction av ye poke moine.”” is where the mail should be delivered, but, by gravy! tl as doin’ things too strenyus. “Tupper wrote and asked the railrud company to pay for the winde tellin’ ‘em it was all cracked up, and the réilrud company wrote back and told / him the glass must have been stretched too tight when it was put in. Only yesterday a mail sack which was out on its own recognizance hit Constable Ezry Hand in the pit of the stummick and knocked all the wind outen h inner tube. It’s gettin’ so under the present administration that a feller ain't safe unless he is settin’ in a cyclone cellar with the lid bolted on. Too strenyus, I say too strenyus; and that seems to be the general sediment among the voters throughout this entire township.”” ROY K. MOULTON. COMFORTING, “ ILL my husband live, doctor?"* Well, madam, if he doesn’t he'll come mighty close to it."” DID YOU EVER! Did you ever descend in the night, with the view Of smashing a burglar chap burly, To find it was only ‘the gitl” in a stew “To tackle her wash good and early ? THE HISTORICAL PRECEDENT. ACH of the following-named gentlemen, upon bei late with the boys, has concocted a famous and, what is much more won- derful, gotten away with it. They are: Jonah—Ulysses— Rip van Winkle — Robinson Crusoe, 66 GAY, pat” “What now, my son?’ “When your foot 's asleep it really hurt, or is it only dreaming it hurts? 08 ——? Wi) THE BOY FOR THE JoB. Employer—" Av 1° Young applicant spoil your business. yu truth! Yep; but I ain’t so darn truthful as to comicbooks.com