Judge — March 7, 1908 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PLATONIC. never heard of rarebits, He never tasted pie, never ate dill pickles Gr sinelled of “extra dry.” hunned the airy mazes And the waltz’s dizzy whirl; He never wore a collar When he went to sce his girl. ~ you think our hero i dead one, so to speak, re very much mi s just an ancient —Widow. Ie Me Perlis Wa But He Abbott's Bitters ads greatly to S icickos krape fruit thedeliios THE GIRL WORTH WHILE. It is easy enough to be pleasant When you're looking and feeling flip, But the yirl worth while is the girl who smile With a cold-sore on her lip. —Sphinx. JUST LUKE IRON. Wije—" John, there must be a lot of iron in your system.” Hiushind—* Why do you think so?” Wije —* Because you invariably lose your temper when you get hot.”— Chirage News. Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Seothing Syrup the bat remedy fur theve children.” 2c. a bottle, HARD TO CONTROVERT. vur father given you that auto- Has y mobile yet it is so difficult to overcome his | He says that the gasoline bjevtir NEAR THE SPEED LIMIT. Father—"1 think Horace would get along better without his room-mate.” Mother—* Why, Horace says they fast friends.” Father—*Without doubt; and if he had fewer fast friends and’ more close ones I would be better satisfied.” —Widow. COULD ONLY GUESS AT IT. ‘The druggist had just filled a preserip- tion, I'd like a copy of that prescription, said the customer. Guess you'll have to get it from the doctor,” replied the pill compiler. “1 ver could read his writing." —Chicago News. ec UNCERTAIN. “T hear there is a dear little baby in our house,” said the neighbor next door, “Boy or girl?” We ain't decided 1” replied little Susic. “Pop and mum’s still serappin’ over a name for it."—Eau Claire Leader. WAITS AND MEASURES. “What sort of a table do they set at your boarding-house ?" asked the young man who was contemplating a chang “A table of waits and measures,” re- plied his friend. “The first long and | the latter short." —Chicago News. AUNT CHLOE’S SERIOUS HOPES. Lady (to colored laundress)—“ Well, Aunt Chloe, how is your hus day?” Ml to- cars are in bad odor, and that the elec: | Aunt Chloe (gloomily)—" He ain't no Irie ones are simply ‘shocking. "—Balti- Miss Mary. He's done gone on more American Y inscription, but de doctor's 4 imighty, serious Hopes. "bout his” dis Vou know that old saying,” b Delaware Democrat. Kanter, ° Take care of the pennies ant i take care of your “heirs.” Philadelphia Press A I E PILES CURED IN 6 TO 14 DAYS. OR AZ OINTMENT toscuaranteeel tocture any € A BORN POLITICIAN. | Sir, Pain't askin’ fer no handout or Can be had in cold bite bd “Well?” said the householder. | “Ss lits”’ “But L sure am at receptive candi date.” | lis moslesty was rewarded.—-Courier.| & SMALL BOTTLE FOR A SHORT Hs nuakesty way rewarded Courier pide | A woman can fory nce most C,H, Evans & Sons, Hudson, N.Y. anything but a bad complexion Chapped Skin The soothing, healing and nourishing properties of pine tar, glycerine and sweet vegetable oils, as combined in Packer’s Tar Soap | a. & | make it invaluable for chapped, chafed or irri- tated skin. Its routine use not only protects but sof- tens, whitens and fortifies. PACKER MFG. CO., THE EW YORK Copytignt, 1997, by Judge Co AN OLD MAN'S. DARLING. 295 Hitt Avenue, New Vork City. Juror Co. | MODERN FACILITIES. | TOO MUCH FOR HIM. Who wuz dis Rip Van Winkl Medical student (to friend suffering “An old-time guy wot slept. in de|from loco motor ataxy)—" Hold mountings.” ‘breath if you want to cure your * “Didn't have no public libraries, I, cups.’” s'pose, in his day ?”—Courier-Journal. | Invalid —" Hic —hie—strony.”"— n't hold it, ish too AND THEY SAY HE WENT TO COLLEGE. aks when Ido wrong,” | s in great glee, lan m glad it doesn't speak to ma, | And only speaks to me.”” | Widow DEATH AFTER MARRIAGE. Justice O'Hallora you children, Mrs. Kelly?” Mrs, Kelly—“1 hov two living, and wan married." —Democrat. fave any Over two Million sold in America in last three Whether you Know It. poets old fashioned razor or whether you depend upon the barber for your daily shave, there is still a better, quicker, more economical ant sanitary way — the * Gillette” way —and my sazor will convince you of this fact. ter way because of the great convenience it aft ise handte enables you to have as clone eas Fyou may wish—removing any beard without We feast diacotalos ation of the oki he quicker way because be thin, Ber ni hindes reqoire NoStroppiny as They are nuded Yoceaiy eeetek 1, individually hardened, tempered, Stropped by never-varying auto. They are a» inexpensive that shen ull yon thew th an old pens tw five minutes” time Tiette to obtain the moat clightlah shave. you ever had in your Mle. as es ible, nedd a matic machinery. Ktuiiing dewretry, Dorug, Cutlery, Hardware, and Sporting Goods bieatera. “Combination Sets from $6.80 t0 $30.00. Gitte Saks + Cea 263 Times Building, New York City. DOOMED TO LIVE ALONE. AN AMBULANCE NEEDED. “ According to this paper,” observed] Little Willie—* Say, pa, what is Mr. Goodwin, “an Ohio man has lived a | ball coach?” year on beer alone’? Pa—" It must be Well, that’s as it should be,” ambulance, my s« Mrs. Goodwin, man who vote nother name for an Chicago News ves on beer ought to be compelled to livealone.” | Some girls get engaged to a man so | —Chicago Ne as to make up their minds whether to : marry him. BUT IT ISN'T A MONOPOLY. ———— | “The sun,” remarked the kindly citi- ‘yen, for all.” “And that’s what worries some peo ple,” averred the caustic citizen, “They em to think the sun ought to be han dled at light. Lanisville Con rier-Journal POINTS, ‘The more people think they under i 4 tand others the less they seem to un The Tonic Cordial in favor through- out Europe for over sixty years. Enjey- able as a cocktail, and better for you. Sold Keeryehe LUYTIES BROTH S. Agents, New derstand themselves. An awful uncomfertable feelii [when youcan't remember the next day | the excuse vou gave the night before. The satisfactory thing about simism is how much worse things a ys turn out than it expected they ould. —Ex, comicbooks.com