Judge, 1908-01-25 · page 6 of 16
Judge — January 25, 1908 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical journalism: **"He Felt Grateful"** mocks theater etiquette through a ticket seller's story. A man tips the usher with a cigar, claiming excellent seats were provided. The punchline reveals the usher deliberately seated him next to an obstructing post to separate him from an annoying elderly woman—making the "service" accidentally beneficial. **"Judge's Decisions"** offers brief aphorisms on life (childhood, ambition, mice as problems for women), typical of the magazine's moralizing humor. **"Dangerous Inflation"** satirizes rising costs. A dentist's gas anesthesia fee concerns a portly patient, who jokes he needs anchoring down instead—suggesting both weight and inflation anxiety. **"Only a Retailer"** shows a drunk man unconcerned about beer price increases since he buys by the glass rather than in bulk, missing economic reality. The verso portrait and love poems appear to be romantic content, possibly featuring a notable woman ("Polly") of the era, though the subject is unclear from this excerpt.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FAIN woul A few vers Dear Polly, I write But I'd rather caress you, Wer i Dear Polly, I wri I'm not satisfied quite With the way T address you, Polly, darling. T write, thing clever and bright n would indite se her delight. tender, yet jolly. I fain would indite A few verses tu Polly. But I'd rather caress youl). JUDGE'S DECISIONS. A SONNET TO MY SONNET. EVER say Die! 11K; sannets that T sometimes try to write When finished seem to me inane, or worse, An emergency breeds enthusiasm. Ba : them, I tear my hair and curse, A mouse is a divil among. the y temper quite women, worn, a cog-wheel fits too tight, Fire does not always destroy—it is Upon the achine that fills my purse ; also to turn some set-serew right I for proving purposes, Or else TE. In chany ars to grind this style of verse A tramp rarely fails of success, be- cause he's so terribly earnest in his ir poetic feet calling likewise bunions, corns, Childhood is a romp over a field of flowers—trampled flowers, which, as we grow older, become just a part of As «within the averay ourselves. KON OLE GREENE HE FELT GRATEFUL. THe TICKET-MAN at the theatre had just opened up for business magazine when a fellow hurried into the labby and passed at eiygir through the win dow with the remark * Have a smok "What's this for “Por prest fay std chap.” isked the man in the box-oflice. + the reply. *'Phose were excellent seats you gave mie sane t haely fr ” Oh, T see ess sir he continued, “and T really ought te make it half a dozen weds. « sieleringg what veu did for me.” Well, Pe ylid you diked: the seat i the ticketman, Lets see, aide) Lp vor in By Ness 2and g 2% No siry in Ry roand WR, roand re? ‘Phen then this sac bit ef siretsm on your part 2” F Not at all, sir—not at all, replied the other earnestly, There is a thick Post between these seats, yeu know 2" Ves: that's why PE thoughe" ePhat’s why Tliked them,” he interrupted. Phat old maid with sentimental after the third: act and started to but TE kept her dod me a leap-year prey yg aire J the post until the curtain went up aygtin and I was saved. Here, have another,’ ALK Lewis DANGEROUS INFLATION. ONLY A RETAILER Fat Man (to dentist) —" Are you going to give me gas? Boozer Brows Dentist—"C sir” ter raise de price uy beer a dollar a keg a Dutt Doras—" Hump! Dat w Fat Man— least. I always buys by de glass.” pated! Dey're goin’ "t phase me in de Phen better anchor me down first.” comicbooks.com