Judge — December 28, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

= Eee ess== —=£-<A Cay PUBLISHED WEEKLY. YESS peg oe 10 CENTS A COPY. 225 Founru Ave., New Youx. Caste Appress,“Jupcarx.” Txt. 2214 Gramencr. Western Apvexrisixc O ‘One cony, one year. or sz numbers- + . Ove cepy, six months. cr 26 numbers = + (One copy, for thirteen weeks Postage free to all Wwance by draft 6 jew York, or by express or postal REIGN SUPSCRIPTIONS™To all forengn Evnorean sates-acenrs—/nternational News Company, Bream’s building, Chancery Lane. EC. The contents of FUDGE are protected by covyright in both the United States and Great Britain. John A. Sleicher, President. Jbscribers in the United States, and in Hawaii, Porto Rico, the ‘order, mot by lacal checks, whic ‘counirees in the postal ani F. W. Schneider, Secretary. Arthur Terry, Treasurer. ree tte Building, Chicago, Ii TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: é $300 + "Be : 13s 225 Fourth Avence, Toctuding the Cuiistaas Joc. ippine Islands, Guam, Tatuila, Samoa, and Mexico. inder present banking rigulations of New Vork, are at a discount im that city. 88 vinces, $5.30 a year. London ; Brewtane't, de 1" Opera, Parit: Saarbach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany, infrinaement of this copyright toll be srompity and bigorousiy prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-addressed ertrelope ‘with all manascriots, otherwise return of the Latter qwhen found unavailaNe cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contribations sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address Yoritten plainly on each and every seoarate sketch. The accompanying joke or descriptive insure safe and prompt retura of material not accectes. letter-press should in évery instance be swritien avon its indtosdaal picture, and NOT epon a separate siio of paper. inciosare of stamps to the fall amoent of postage (8 also required, to JUDGE caneot be found at any sews-stand, tbe peblisbers will be wader obligations if that tact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. A HAPPY NEW YEAR. BEST WISHES for a glad new year from JUDGE to his readers! A wish stands for little unless it is backed by all the effort possible, and JUDGE will do his best to brighten the coming year for you! A good laugh every week, if you adhered to it and were regular about it, would do more for you physically, mentally and morally than a dozen doctors and preachers could achieve working week-days and Sundays. We will try harder than we have ever tried before, in our quarter-century of existence, to supply you with this medicine. We are full of new plans and ideas; but, whatever changes occur, one ideal remains unalterable—we want to make you laugh heartily. A new editor will chat with you through these paragraphs. If you find him growing prosy and dull, write and say so. Grant Hamilton, the famous caricaturist, is coming back to us as Art Ed- itor, and there are thousands of old friends among you to give him wel- come. ‘Zim’? and Flohri will stand ready to jab the ends of their pencils into various tender political spots. Not to hurt, you understand, but to tickle. It is the misfortune of some folk that it hurts them to be tickled. The wittiest wits of the land promise to be among our contributors, and there will be new artists, as well as old friends, to amuse us with their pictures. These are some of JUDGE’S New Year's resolutions. Why enumerate them all? You will learn of them when you enjoy their fulfill- ment. Happy new year to you! The panic is past and the pieces are all here. We hope to help, with all our little strength, to put them together again. Don’t knock the old year. He probably did the best he could. Jump into the procession and fol- low along behind the new. Be cheerful. . AN INVESTIGATING commis- sion in Chicago has discovered that eleven hundred street-laborers were on the city pay-rolls as extra employés to clean up a heavy fall of snow. That is all reasonable enough. The thing the commission objects to is that the men were em- ployed in July. City-hall clock must have stopped. ‘WATCH OUT. Look OUT for the Juggernaut! Beware the jubjub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch! Upton Sinclair is going to put his Helicon Hall colony on wheels and tour the country. If any of you have trusts or monopolies in the front yard, take them in-doors and put them in the cyclone-cellar. Little children of the rich had best keep off the streets and go to bed early. If you look like a monopolist, we beg of you to disguise yourself in long Kansas whiskers, or the goblins will get.you if you don’t watch out. Ciicaco statistics show that there are eighteen and seven-tenths policemen to every city square mile in the metropolis of the middle west. It Is these fractional policemen that make all the trouble. Give us fewer officers to the square mile, but let them all be whole ones. GOOD RIDDANCE! THE END-SEAT HOG. ‘THE REPUBLICAN band-wagon is a roomy vehicle, and it is full to overflowing with a bunch of merry fellows, every one of whom is anx- ious to shin over into the front seat and play driver. What a mournful contrast is presented when one glances at the donkey-drawn vehicle mean- dering close behind! Judge Gray, Governor Johnson, Governor Folk, Congressman Williams hiking alongside, trying to climb aboard, while the portly form seated on the step entirely blocks the entrance. Every man in the country has a right to try to be President, and to try as often as he likes; but for decency’s sake, Mr. Bryan, don’t be an end-seat hog! SHATTERED IDEALS. BEE-KEEPERS’ association, which met recently in Chicago, revealed some horrible facts about the bee. It appears that he is exceedingly lazy, that he loafs, that he procrastinates, that he becomes a tramp, and even is known to goon strike. Much of this trouble, it seems, is caused by the importation of Italian bees, which have had a demoralizing effect upon our native insects. Looks to us as though bees had been associating too much with human beeings. But we are troubled most by the shattering of a cherished tradition. Maybe Pocahontas never saved Captain John Smith’s life; possibly William Tell never shot that apple; perhaps George Washington ever told a lie; but for pity’s sake, truth-seekers, leave us our littlebusybee, who improves: eachshininghour. WORTH THE CANDLE, JHE FLEET is on its way, de- spite the scoldings of a small section of the eastern press, blinded by Teddy-phobia. This naval en- terprise appeals to the popular im- agination, and a popular vote would overwhelmingly indorse it. Stop “Knocking”! It is the people’s navy. Let them play with it, es- pecially if the game makes greatly for increased naval efficiency. eee PIPES. A FEW days ago New York’s of- ficial water register discovered the existence of a water-pipe deep under ground, leading from the city main into the Fifth Avenue Hotel, supplying 75,000 gallons of water a day. Apparently no one ever sus- pected the existence of this pipe— certainly the hotel people expressed tremendous astonishment. There was no ancient city record to show when it was laid. This discov- ery calls to mind the fact that a few months ago an ancient pipe-line for the conveyance of crude oil was discovered under the East River. No taxes were paid on this property, and there was no official record of its existence; yet, oddly enough, oil still flowed through it. JUDGE believes that scientists all over the country should become aroused over these evi- dences of a buried past. What Aztec or Toltec civilization may have preceded us! By all means let us excavate. _ comicbooks.com