Judge — December 28, 1907 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOOD PHILOSOPHY. big ocean liner ?" jim, “ An’ did you eber see one o' dese ‘lec- tric motors pick up a han'some shiny lo- comotive an’ drag it: frum de Baltimo’ tunnel ?” * Lots o° times.” “ An’ did you eber see a quiet ol’ knee- sprung white hoss pullin’ a helpless auto- mobile to town *T sho! has “Well, sonny, dem’s all to remind you dat no matter how big or important an‘ stylish you gits, dar ain’ no tellin’ when you may need help f'um somebody dat don’ seem to cut no figure wuf mention- in’. '"—Washington Star. BOUNDED. The class in geography in one of the Brooklyn schools was asked by the teacher, “ What are some of the natural peculiari- ties of Long Island 2" The pupils tried to think, and, after a while, a boy raised his hand. “1 know,” said he. “Well, what are they?” asked teacher. « “Why,” said the boy, with a triumphant look, “on the south side you see the sea and’ on the north side you heard the sound."—/duho Scimitar. the Cellarette, side-board,’sleeping-car or ocean steamer kit is incomplete without Abbott's Bit- ters. Adds zest and flavor, aids digestion. A SLIGHT CONFUSION. It was ata reunion of a gallant Irish regiment, and in due course a member rose to express his carefully rehearsed sentiment, “ Here's to th’ ould Fifty-ninth,” he be- gan hotly, «th’ last in th’ field an’ th" first to lave it. “Ye muddler !" shouted a compatriot, springing to his feet. ‘+ Here's to the ould Fifty-ninth, equal to none !"—Dela- ware County Democrat. -_—s Sohmer & Co., the great Piano firm, can point with pride to the magnificent indorsement their instruments have received at the hands of the best native and foreign musical artists. MOURNFUL MILK. “Haven't you any milk that is more cheerful than this?” queried the new boarder as he poured some of the liquid into his coffee. “ Why, what do you mean by that?” queried the landlady. «Oh, nothing,” rejoined the new board- only this milk seems to have the blues.”— Chicago Daily News. ~ Massage of the Scalp —a combination of scalp cleaning and intelligent ¢: ercise of the scalp—is a hy- gienic measure that should be systematically employed by all. A good lather of Packer's Tar Soap well rubbed into the scalp is an unsurpassed hair tonic. Send for our booklet, ‘‘ The Value of Systematic Sham- | pooing,” which tells how | and’ why. THE PACKER MANUFACTURING CO. “Sonny,” said Uncle Eben, “did you eber watch one o’ dese here little tug-boats come snortin’ along takin’ kyah of a great “ Yass, indeed,” answered Pickaninny MARK TWAIN'S DISCOUNTS. “ Mark Twain is the most interesting character in American literature to-day, and has made more money out of it than any other author,” said A. S. Swanson, representative of one of the great publish: ing houses. ‘He lives just around the corner from our place, and so we see him very often, He is never so happy as when telling a story, and is often scen doing so in a group of congenial spirits. He was sales department of our house, and being attracted by a particular book asked the price. «+ Four dollars,’ said the clerk. ++ Well, now," said Mr. Clemens, ‘1 am a newspaper writer. Don’t I get a dis- count for that ?° «+ Certainly,’ replied the obliging clerk. “+ Lam also a magazine writer. Do I get something off for that ?° ++ Yes," said the clerk ; count for that.’ ++ Tam also an author. - Don't I come in on the author's discount ?° “+Yes, sir; you get the author's dis- count. you get adis- am a stockholder in this house. that entitle me to something off ? “++ Yes, sir,’ the clerk returned. “+ Now,’ continued Mr. Clemens, ‘I would like to state that I am Samuel Does that fact entitle me to another rakeoff ?" “Tt does," said the clerk after a mo- ment’s hesitation. “ «That's good,’ replied the author; y how much do I owe you ?° ‘eowe you eighty cents," said the clerk."— Washington Post. Get Ready for the New Year by ordering a supply of Does Copyrignt, 1907, by Judge Co. AN OLD MAN'S DARLING. Photogravare in sepia, 15 x 1936. Ove Dollar. Send five cents for our beautifal illustrated catalogue. Jovce Co., 295 Fourth Avenue, New York City. Any one can Play any Guitar win sv im 10 manures Viaye telling me that recently he went into the | In addition,’ said Mr. Clemens, ‘I | AS OTHERS SEE. US. Some Japanese Cartoons on the Subject of the Recent International Disturbances. SEs = >) 54 The bad boys are cry- ing out, “The coming to the East of a big fleet.” Columbia, the goddess of peace, is imploring them not to shout lest they might |wake up Master Rising |Sun. But Master Sun, be- |ing a stone statue, does not mind the noise. While Mr. Taft was being entertained at the Imperial, the Goni-kan was burned, ‘causing seventeen casualties among firemen. This has been an object- lesson of the Japanese duti- fulness. Hope Mr. Taft will apply the spirit to the suppression of San Fran- cisco riots. Vancouver Mos—"*You rascals! Take it! Take fue Commissioner [suit (wires to the home govern ment}—"'San Francisco 1s quiet. Canadian authorities are against the mob!"* Sat Francisco Mop— “Japs seem insensible to pain.” NO ROOM TO BREATHE. “ You shouldn't run after a car during the rush hour,” said the conductor reprov- ingly. climbing aboard. « The abnormal chest expansion due to the effort to draw into the lungs a suffi- cient supply of oxygen to repair the waste Suite 87N, 81 Fulton St, New York Write ALGER. Pi can Cedar ty allwnakes, Wa, the other passengers,” explained the con- ductor.—Philadelphia Ledger. GOOD CAUSE. Why does the heathen rage ?” « Perhaps,” said Mrs. Strongmind’s husband timidly, “ perhaps he’s wearing «Why.not ?” panted the man addressed,| one of the shirts that Harriet made for him."—New York Sun. VEGETARIANS. “Lam a vegetarian,” said the man caused by accelerated heart action crowds | haughtily ; “I live on vegetables.” «So does a potato-bug,” replied his sar- castic friend.— Yonkers Statesman. comicbooks.com