Judge — December 21, 1907 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

YOUR PRESENT. JF 208 wanted a giel Would the gift of a curl Suffice for your passion so great? If you wanted a wife Would a pin or a knife Quite satisfy you with your fate? If a girl wants a beau Will a candy or so Content her ford heart with its lot? If she’s anxious to wed Will your picture instead Just quite fill the bill? We think not ! When Christmas shall come Do not be so dumb— Just listen to this little trick : Go boldly and * pop, Kiss her, too, then don’t stop, But give her a wedding-ring, quick. LURANA W, SHELDON. ANOTHER VERSION. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. S THEY neared the land KATHLEEN CLIFFORD IN ‘THE TOP O° whale began to wail bitterly. eee ars Se ahaa! “ What are you blubbering for?” ‘Don't treat my praise with scorning! called Jonah from the cabi. To the top of the world my heart is * Boo-hoo! You've Jonahed the the wien ich you the “top of tp. and Tl have to cough up the mornin’.”* missing profit.” MORE CLEAR THAN CORRECT. A VERY MODERN CHILD. Farner—" Tommy, what do you want for.Christmas this year?" te] CAL'LATE the United States language is a sight better'n any of them Tomer rn goleg to aukc Santa Claus to give nee diverce, furrin’ talks,” observed Mr. Crimmins as he laid down his newspaper ‘cause Jane and I have quarreled so much lately." and began to polish his spectacles with the corner of the felt table-cover, in * the happy consciousness that his wife could not see out of the back of her speaks of one feller’s eye as ‘wanderin’ over a court-room:’ head ; ** but "— Them’s the very identical words. And then ag’in it says, + His What be you drivin’ at?” irritably inquired Mrs, Crimmins in a with- eye fell on the book before him.’ Now, anybody with a grain ering tone, turning in her chair, while for one alarming moment the spec- of sense knows his eye didn’t do no sech thing. It stayed right tacles, only half rubbed, sat upside-down on Mr. Crimmins’s long, thin nose, in its socket. I've heard tell of folks that had piercin’ eyes and “ Jest this,” the old fellow said as the moment had passed and he could dreamin’ eyes, and eyes that roved and roamed and cavorted once more rub in safety; «jest this, You hear folks speak of a nose sniffin’, maybe, and a mouth twitch- in’ or tremblin’; but so fur as I've ever heard those things is mostly done right to home, where those fea- tures lay and is situated, so to ‘speak. But when it comes to eyes—or, for that matter, one eye is about all that’s gin'rally mentioned— seems as if there wa'n't no end to the things folks ‘d make it do. “Now, here in this pa- per I've been readin’ it NOT THAT KIND. “Don't lose your head, pop."" round gin’rally, and what, I say, what is the use of say- in’ sech "— Mrs. Crimmins whisked her chair suddenly around and caught her husband giving the final polish to his spectacles. You may not be able to figger out all the whys and wherefores,” said she in an ominous voice ; * but when I make mention to you that my eye is clapped right onter you and your doin’s with my table-cover, I reckon you know what them words mean !” GIVE AND TAKE, Lawyer (examining juror) —* Do you under- stand the difference between character and reputation ?” Juror— Reputation is the name your neighbors give you; character is the “It ain't my head the skates are on.”” one they take from you.” THEIR COMPROMISE. NE crening in the twilight dim Although her eyes were flashing fun, We talked of presents, Bess and I. Quite seriously I whispered low, “« What gift shall I give you,” cried Bess, “ If you would make me happy, dear, “ A pair of gloves, or just a tie?” Just give me you—and mistletoe.” “We'll compromise on gifts,” cried Bess ; «+ Let me suggest the thing to do. THE ENGAGED ONES. ‘You just present yourself to me, “We need look no farther, dearest. Can you imagine a sweller And I'll present myself to you.” . 5 tree than this one in which to build our nest in the spring?”” PRRRIXE LAMBERT. comicbooks.com