Judge — November 30, 1907 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE RICH CHILD'S NURSERY-RHYME, IDE a ‘mobile to Banbury cross ; Upset an old lady who drives a farm-hoss. Automo Billy laughs loud at her woes ; To him itis music wherever he goes. With his * Tootity, skootity, Dashity, crashity, Jumpity, bumpity, thumpity, humpity, Gogglety, wogglety, jogglety, bogglety, He shall have music wherever he goes! FREDERICK MOXON. JUDGE'S COMMISSION REPORTS ON THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE CRUSH. RIEND JUDGE—Your honorable commis- sioners appointed by you to investigate the Brooklyn Bridge crush beg to report that |. they find as follows : First. We found the bridge all right, the cars all right, the policemen all right, and the crush all wrong. Second. It ought to be apparent to a half- naked eye that the whole trouble is—not with WON'T LET GO. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. Connuctor—"* Tickets, please PAULINE FREDERICK, LEADING LADY IN “WHEN KNIGHTS WERE BOLD."" Some knights, I’m told, are only bold that there are too many of them, and that the Whenever nights are fair: very ones who are complaining of the crush are the identical persons who cause the whole trouble. But! Id to see your show, . ' * Though whirlwinds filled the alr. Third. Your commission finds that these people, nearly all, come from Brooklyn in the morning and return in the eve- NOT A FAMILY ning, and that the NECESSITY. residents of this bor- 66 MAMMA. is all ough are in no wise alone to-day, responsible for the Bessie, dear, and if unseemly bi-diurnal anyone rings you will ruction; that these answer the bell.” Brooklynese carry Presently the bell away weekly large sounded. As Bessie sums of money which responded to the ring they spend at home, her mother inquired, to the betterment ot “Who is it, dear?” their own and to the “ Thomone thell- financial detriment ot ing thilver-polish,"an- our borough. nounced the child. THE REMEDY. “Say no, thank Your honorable you, and close the : at f commission would * door,” continued the J , suggest either one, or mother sweetly. 2 all three, of the fol- The child obey- ‘ :. lowing reasonable ed, and a moment 5 : and effective _reme- later the bell again i dies : was heard. \ San | First. Remove “Who is it this q fx the bridge. time?" inquired the : Second. Remove mother in a tone of : the crushers. annoyance. ~ Third. Remove “Oh, mudder, ey a Brooklyn. mudder! here's aman i ‘3 COL. SILAS SLASHER, with a wooden leg.” : Chairman. “ Mercy ! anoth- er peddler?” voiced SOLICITOUS. the susceptive wo- Nurse — “That man, “Tell him we boy is here again, He don’t want any.” says his master is anx- \ ious to know how you NOT YET. . q are to-day.” Mrs, de Style— Dangerously sick “I suppose your man—" God bless his daughter is to have master, whoever he her coming-out ball may be! He is very very soon, isn’t she ?” solicitous about my Mrs, Rose Quyck health, Nurse, ask —"Oh, dear,no! My that boy who his kind- daughter has another hearted master is.” year at school before Nurse (return- becoming a dilitante, ing)—" He says his and will not make * Aa Ge master is Mr. Plume, her debris until next “Kitty, [love you. 1s there any chance for me?” they ondertaker, just season. “I'm sorry, Jack; but the line's busy.” round the corner. the bridge, nor the cars, nor the approaches, Mr. Newurweo—" Reach Into my side coat-pocket. but with the people, It is plainly evident You'll find them there. comicbooks.com