Judge — November 30, 1907 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘WON THE BET. Smith and Jones were passing down Oxford Street, London, and before them strutted one of the members of a musical society, who sang as he walked along snatches from ballads and operas, to his | own intense satisfaction. “bet you a level shilling,” said S. to J., “that I give that chap in front of us, ‘ho is singing, a terrific kick, which he will not resent, and instead of being an- noyed will thank me.” “Perhaps you know him—he is a friend of yours,” J. replied. “T have never spoken to him, and he doesn't know me,” said S, “Right you are, then; I'll take you,” ‘advanced to the warbler and, watch- ing his opportunity, dealt the tenor a ter- rine kick. The singer turned round, maddened with passion at the unprovoked and unexpected attack. S., in no way dis- concerted, raised his hat politely and, with the most profound bow and with the appearance of sincere regret, said, “Excuse me! I thought from your voice I recognized my old friend Caruso.” The compliment was too telling, and the singer, overcome with pride at the suggested comparison, replied, "My dear sir, you are too kind.” Smith won the bet, but the joke should not be tried upon the same tenor again,— Tit-Bits. The first thing in the morning, if you need a bracer, should be a tablespoonful of Abbott's Hitters in an ounce of sherry or a glass of soda. Try it. WOULD CHOOSE HIS COMPANY. In the West, some twenty years ago, there lived a good man who gave up a part of his time to teaching the Indians the Christian faith, On one of his trips he stopped at the ranch of a well-to-do and very religious Swede, and requested a night’s lodging. The Swede thought a great deal of the missionary and disliked to offend him ; but he also disliked extvemely having a pack of dirty, greasy Indians hanging about his place, so, after much hemming and hawing, he stated his objections. “« But these Indians are Christians, my good brother, and if you can't abide with them for a single night here on earth, how do you expect to dwell in heaven with them through all eternity 2” inquired the indignant missionary. The Swede was perplexed, but, after thoughtfully scratching his head a mo- ment, he said, “The Bible says that in my Father's house are many mansions, an‘ It'ank I haf a separate house."—Zip- pincott's. Police justice— Instead of spending your time and money in the saloons, why don’t you try to make your home pleasant and attractive ?” Dejected old bum—*1 do, your honor. I stay away from it all I can.""—Chicago Tribune. “The Value of Systematic Shampooing. Booklet with practical information and suggestions for the proper care of the hair and scalp mailed free. ie Fate Mfg. eo makers of acker's Tar Soap, P. O. 985, New York on wise CHICKENS OF LEISURE. Mrs, Goldvein, having unexpectedly come into a fortune through a lucky stroke, set up a country home near Tor- quay, where she lived in style. One day, while she was showing some of her old-time friends about the place, they came to the poultry-yard. “ What beautiful chickens !” the visitor exclaimed, All prize fowl,” haughtily explained the hostess. “ Do they lay every day ?" was the next question. “Oh, they could, of course,” was the reply, “but in our position’ it is not necessary for them to do so."—Pick- me-up. Mothers will find Drs. Winslow's Sooth- ing Syrup the best remedy for their children. 2se.a bottle. HE GREATER DANGER. They were. about to entertain a few friends, and her husband suddenly busied himself with the umbrellas, carrying them up stairs. When he had taken up the last one she said to him, somewhat amazed, “Why, dear, why do you hide the umbrellas like that? Are you afraid our friends will steal them ?" “No,” said he; 1am afraid they will recognize them."——-New York Press. WHAT WAS IT THE WOMAN FEARED? What a comfort to find it is not “the awful thing” feared, but only chronic digestion, which proper food can relieve. ‘A woman in Ohio says : «Twas troubled for years with indiges- tion and chronic constipation. At times I would have such a gnawing in my stomach that I actually feared | had a—I dislike to write or even think of what I feared. “Seeing an account of Grape-Nuts, I decided to try it. After a short time I was satisfied the trouble was not the awful thing I feared, but was still bad enough. However, I was relieved of a bad case of dyspepsia by changing from improper food to Grape-Nuts. “Since that time my bowels have been as regular as a clock. I had also noticed, before I began to eat Grape-Nuts, that I was becoming forgetful of where I put little things about the house, which was very annoying. “But since the digestive organs have become strong from eating Grape-Nuts, my memory is good and my mind as cle: as when I was young, and I am thankful Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Read the little booklet, The Road to Wellville,” in packages. “There's a Reason.” Br Arthur E. Jameson, Copyright, 1907, by Judge Co. AN OLD MAN'S DARLING. Photogravure in sepia, 15 x 19/4. One Doltar. Send five cents for our illustrated catalogue of beautifal prints, June Co., 225 Fourth Avenue, New York City. UNANSWERABLE, Doctor B— rarely met his match, but on one occasion he fairly owned that he had. He was sent for by an innkeeper who had a quarrel with his wife, who had scarred his face with her nails so that the poor man was bleeding and much dis- figured. Doctor B— thought this an opportunity not to be lost for admonish- ing the offender, and said, + Madam, are you not ashamed of your- self to treat your husband like this?) The husband is the head of the family—your head, in fact, madam.” * Well doctor,” fiercely returned the virago, “and may I not scratch my own head ?"—Poughkeepsie News-Press. Mother — "Why did you not scream when Hans kissed you?" Daughter— He threatened me.” Mother —" How 2" Daughter —""He said if 1 did he'd never kiss me again.” — Meggendorfer Blatter, The Order of the Day by those who know what good ale should be is for EVANS ALE which in its perfection is a revelation to ale drinkers. Mellow Flavor Lasting Froth Sparkling Brilllancy are its unique characteristics. Chats, Restaurants and Dealers, “Yes,” said the parsimonious farmer proudly; «I've had these trousers off and on, now, for ten years."—Exchange, The Twenty-Seventh Christmas Judge will be on the news- stands December 2d. comicbooks.com