Judge — November 23, 1907 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. CHRYSTAL HERNE IM ‘THE STEPSISTER,”” CHARLES KLEIN'S NEW PLAY. A crystal ‘twixt us and the sun, ‘To make poor mortals burn. I'd thankful be if she were mine And I were only herne. THEIR THANKSGIVING SCHEME. 44RS. SKINEM,” he timidly began as the landlady of the board- ing-house came to her door in answer to his knock, “I—I called to see you just a moment regarding the Thanksgiving dinner.” “Well,” she asked with a scowl that made him wish he was a thousand miles away. You see," he went on, we—we were talking it over just now, CAUSE FOR THANKS. [/M thankfal that my hair is black, And that my eyes are gray; T'm glad I have a sealskin sacque That I can put away. T'm glad I have two dainty feet And hands both white and small, And that my speaking voice is sweet, And—well, I guess that’s all. Suppose my hair was tinted blue And that my eyes were pink! What if that scalskin on me grew, Or even if ‘twas mink! ‘Suppose my ears o'ertopped my head— My jaws had vast expanse! T'm glad I'm what Tam. I'd dread To take another chance! LURANA W. SIUELDON. THE REASON. Minister—“ Why is it, John, that you can’t go to town without getting under the influence of liquor ?” JSohn—" De folks axes me ter drink an’ I kain't bery well ‘fuse, sah.” Minister—“ Tut! People don’t ask me to drink when I visit them.” John—"1 reckon I's mo’ pop'lar dan yo’ is, sah.” and we decided that it would be best not to have turkey or plum-pud- of it. ding or ice-cream on Thanksgiv- ing, as"— Stop right where you are, sir—stop right where you are!” cut in the landlady angrily. “Who do you think is running this boarding-house, anyway ?” “Why, you, of course, ma'am.” “Who provides the meals here at great trouble and ex- pense?” “ You do, my dear Mrs. Skin- em.” é “Who sees that the people of this house always get what's best for them to eat?” ' "You—you do, Mrs. Skin- em.” «Am La woman, do you think, who is capable of running a first- class boarding-house as one should be run?” she demanded to know as she looked him up and down in a way to. make his hair curl with fear. “You—you certainly are,” he promptly replied. “ Well, then,” she said, * you may go down and tell. the other boarders that, just as long as I am at the head of this place and pay the rent and buy the provi- sions, I propose to do as I see fit, - and I will take no orders, sir, re- garding the meals.” » And instead of the beef-stew and bread-pudding that Mrs. Skin- em had planned for the Thanks- giving dinner, she provided a twenty-pound turkey and a mam- NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. ‘The papers say there would be no panic if people only had {n the banks." I'm not worrying. Confidence is the only thing | ever THE SCOFFERS. “Why are those birds cooped up?" “Why, that goes with civilization."” moth plum-pudding and a gallon of ice-cream, and she went around all day with a chip on her shoulder, just wishing that some one would make a complaint about it. . But there were no complaints. » There were only chuckles and smiles and whispers over the little game that had been played so neatly on Mrs. Skinem, and sometimes a shiver as some of the more timid thought of what would happen if the husky landlady ever learned AB Lewis. A SMALL OCTOPUS. JH, Washington, hearkent T know of a trust ‘Your wonderful lawyers Are fatile to bust. ‘The price of the product Is low at a glance, But in a brief season Will highly advance. An interstate creature, It uses the mails. Monopoly, surely, Yet no law avails. You can but in sorrow Your trust-whacking cease ‘When Polly sells kisses A penny apiece. INDIFFERENT. New England lady (correct- ing waitress)—" You should not « Wa-al, I'd as lief cut my maouth with a knife as jab it with a fork.” AMBITION SITTING ROUND. Disgusted wife— Say, nig- gah, eber sence Ah married yo" yo’s dun nuffin’ ‘cept sit round de house. Doan’ yo' eber feel enny ambishion ?” Lazy husband—Ab feels ambishion w'en Ah's sittin’ round . hyah, honey; but jes’’s soon 's Ah stahts ter wo'k Ah gits dis- couraged.” comicbooks.com