Judge — September 7, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY. 225 Founrm Ave., New Yore. Caste Appress, “Jvpca: John A. Sleicher, President. Wasraxx Anverrising One copy, one year. or «9 numbers - ‘One copy, six months. or 20 aumoers - ‘One copy, for thirteen weexs és ostage free to all subscribers in the United States, and in Hawaii, Porto Rico, the Philippine Islands, Guam, Tutui ony be ral order, mot by local checks, which, wnder p FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To ail loresgn countnes in the postal union. $6.50 a year. Einornan satas-acunrs—/nternational News Company, Bream’s building, Caancery Lane. EC. Pe Sobscriptions payable in advance by draft on New York, or by express or A. Nichols, Secretary Treasurer. ‘225 Fourth Avenae, New Vork. 1313 Hartford Building, Oricage, It. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: Tociuding the Cuiastaas Jupck. ; pine Islands, Go mi, Simos. and Mexico. ler present banking regulations ‘are at a discount in that city, Canadian Provinces, $5.40 a year. * London : Brentane's. Avenue de Opera, Pari: Saarbach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany, The contents of FUDGE are protected by covyright in both the United States and Great Britain. infrinoement of this copyright will be eromotly and bigorously vrosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inciose a stamped and self-addressed efoeiope with all manascriots, otherivise retarn of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contribations sent to the Art Department should have the Sender's fall name and address Toritten platnty on each and evers seoarate sketch. The accompanying joke or descriptive letter-oress should in every instance be taritten avon its indtwidval picture, and NOT upon a separate sito of paper. inciosare of stamps tw the fall amoant of postage is also reauired, 10 insare safe and crompt return of material not accentes.. MW JUDGE cannot be found at any news-stand, he publishers will be under obtigations if that fact be promptly reported on pontal-card or by letter. J. D. AND STANDARD OIL LIMBER UP. HE WRITER has received from the notorious and scandalous Standard Oil Company a little pamphlet neatly printed and bound in an ochre- tinted cover, which has made him proud and happy. It is the first com- munication he has ever received from such an august source. What tickles him most is the Standard Oil’s assurance that it is innocent. When a man who can hear a $29,000,000 fine pronounced against him and not faint dead away, comes to us frankly and tells us all about his troubles and asks our good opinion, it warms our heart and makes us generous. We re- member that for many years Mr. Rocke- feller held himself coldly aloof from the American people. The humorists thawed him out, and got him into amiable and friendly relations with the public. The re- sults were good for both. We think we will incur the displeasure of none when we say that as soon as J. D. began to talk and chum with the world certain repulsive views of him, which had been Tarbellized into the semblance of truth, began to disappear. So now we consider that, when Standard Oil limbers up and undertakes to be frank with the American people, a similar crum- bling of popular prejudice may take place. We gather from the pamphlet mentioned and from the large number of editorial reviews of the Big Fine, that there is a Standard Oil side of the question, which the American peo- ple would be glad to know. It is even possible that the Standard Oil chiefs, speaking for their half million stockholders and employés, may average up to the general level of their fellow-citizens in intelligence, honesty and decency. Without going into the merits of the case, this scribe takes this opportunity to thank the Standard Oil Company for its interesting little pamphlet and congratulates it on this method of acquainting the people with the Standard Oil conscience and behavior. eee A GOTHAM political picnic with blackjacks, knives, pistols, scalding- hot soup, and thousand shurt is certainly going some, even for Tam- many. ON THE IDENTITY OF Some weeks ago JUDGE published a cartoon, a miniature reproduction of which is printed herewith, in which Mr. Bryan was treated in the guise of Napoleon on the occasion of his celebrated retreat from Moscow. We had in mind the then current interview in which Mr. Bryan had discarded government ownership of railroads as an immediate plank in his platform. This was such a heavy piece in the artillery of Bry- anism that it of necessity recalled some of the other disappointments and backdowns of history, and the cartoonist naturally seized upon the Napoleonic incident. We were ready to believe that the ever-vigilant critic would find abundant opportu- nity in the cartoon for the practice of his trade, but we were not ready for the kind of complaints that turned up. Here’s a Chicago man, who writes, inclosing a copy of the cartoon, and with a great show of deliberation calmly inquires which SOME PRACTICAL THEMES FOR THE HAGUE CONGRESS, WE HAD hoped that the Hague Peace Conference would put an end to war. The conviction grows with the passing months that it will do nothing of the kind. Since the horrors of war fortify themselves behind the heroics of war, and militarism seems to be the expression of something in human nature that is ineradicable, we venture to call the attention of the Hague Conference to some measures that are practical. It is time to forego any further attempt to end war and ‘turn to the much easier task of rendering war harmless. We would humbly suggest the following : On every battle-field the soldiers get hurt by falling on the hard ground, or on stones, or logs. This is especially true of cavalry engagements. Why not have the nations agree to supply their armies with pillows ? These would not only be useful in engage- ments but they would come in handy be- tween fights for the soldiers to rest upon. Next, we would re-introduce the coated mail of chivalry, but have it of some light metal, such as tin, so that it wouldn’t add much to the burden which the soldier has to carry. Further, the powers might agree to cushion rifle and cannon balls so that their im- pact would be less deadly. A cannon ball that would push its victims over upon the pillows already mentioned without the horrible accompaniment of blood and carnage would be a boon. We could never see much sense in the murderous shells that go to pieces as they fly. Here again we would suggest that these shells be made to carry a quantity of the best perfumes so arranged that when the shells burst the battle-field will be covered with sweet-smelling odors. We have been told that the nausea of a battle-field is largely due to the evil vapors born of battle. Our scheme of a perfumed shell would make battle-fields sweet and wholesome. These and many other equally practical measures might better consume the time and effort of the Peace Conference than the subjects it is now considering. Such measures would leave war with us as a spectacle, a profession and an aid to fiction and yet rid it of those things which make it shocking to sensitive nerves. A CARTOON PERSON. figure in the cartoon is meant for Bryan. The reader will see that the fig- ures are not multitudinous for number, and we had supposed that it would be plain at a glance which was Bryan and which the other party. We even tagged the Napoleonic figure in a way that seemed to us fully to cover the question of identity. But in spite of all our care, here is this un- certainty, All of which goes to show that no matter how plain you make a thing, to somebody, some- where, it will be anything but plain. In the light of the letters we have received, we have taken this cartoon and looked it over without prejudice, and we now say, as we thought at first, that though we might have been more explicit and labeled the figures in larger text, it wasn’t necessary. Where one or two have gone astray, we believe that the majority have seen this cartoon as we do. Nevertheless, henceforth we mean to be more explicit still. comicbooks.com