Judge — August 10, 1907 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE’S HANDY HINTS TO HOUSEHOLD HEADS. WHEN enjoying a jumping toothache the pain can be allevi- ated in the following easy manner: Cut from an expensive comforter a piece about the size of your wife's first biscuit, but about a million times softer. Of course this will destroy the comforter, but it will also destroy the ache. Dip this piece of comforter into some kerosene until entirely saturated. Then push into cavity of the tooth and ham- mer it in firmly with a cro- quet mallet. This will im- mediately relieve the pain ; whereas if you went to a dentist, besides relieving you of the pain he would relieve you of perhaps two dollars. If the kerosene leaves a bad taste in your mouth it can be reme- died by eating a small cube of limburger cheese or gargling with roof-paint. The above remedy is infallible. One treatment is enough. Try it once and you will never try it again. How the comforter should be cut. oy, Perea. ‘THE INGENIOUS MAN. NCE there was a very ingenious man who believed in utiliz- ing everything according to its intended use as indicated by its label. ‘ One day he sat thoughtfully picking his teeth with the point of his jaw and trying to count the twigs in his family tree. Also he was giving some thought to the number of tiles in the roof of his mouth and the leaves in the palm of his hand. He spent a lot of valuable time looking for the visor and ear-flaps on the cap of his knee. He wondered, casually, why the bridge of his nose had not been made on the suspension principle instead of using abutments, and how many stones were in the arch of his foot— connecting this vaguely with the tendency of the sole in its vicinity to contract stone-bruises. He marveled by the hour why the pilgrim’s progress would not have been more rapid without bunions, and as he pondered he absently played toss-and-catch with the ball of his eye, occasionally throwing it across to the base of his brain, as if he were catching a runner at second. He spent a week trying to make an arrow he could shoot from the bow of his legs, whittling it out painfully with his shoulder-blade, and filing down portions of his finger-nails for points. Wher- ever he went he carefully kept step to the drum in his ear, and he almost went insane wondering why all his food did not make a full stop when it reached his colon. On Halloween he suspended his adam's apple from one of his vocal cords and tried in vain to bite a piece out of it. One day he ran pell-mell for three blocks to try to get a policeman to arrest the crook in his elbow. Naturally this sort of person would meet a unique death. One day he discovered his funny-bone and laughed himself to death at it. STRICKLAND W, GILLILAN, SHE GOES ANY TIME. Mistress—« Bridget, do you go by the kitchen clock or the one in the parlor 2” Bridget (indignantly)—« Faith, an’ Oi go whin it suits me, widout anny re- gard fer clocks.” HEALTHY HAIR is the result of the intelligent, painstaki care of the scalp wit Packers: Tar Soap Pure as the Pines Not only cleanses the scalp, but imparts vigor to those glandular structures whi: are inti concemed and of the hair. clean, y scalp, and lustrous hair. CONSPICUOUS. ee a third of a century ® Packer's® has “L saw you on the board-walk this mornin; “Did you? I'm so frightfully tanned, it’ you knew me." C as the ideal soap for Be ‘The Packer Mig. Co, New York City. JUST DUCKS. THE PUBLIC TREND. Hewitt— Are you in favor ot cap- ital punishment 2?” Jewett—“1 think capitalists should be punished.” UNTIL TOO STIFF TO BEND OVER. « When I drank coffee I often had sick headaches, nervousness and_biliousness much of the time, but when I went to visit a friend I got in the habit of drink- ing Postum. “I gave up coffee entirely, and the re- sult has been that I have been entirely relieved of all my stomach and nervous trouble. ««My mother was just the same way. We all drink Postum now and, without coffee in the house for two years, we are all well. “A neighbor of mine, a great coffee- drinker, was troubled with pains in her side for years and was an invalid. She was not able to do her work and could not even mend clothes or do anything at all where she would have to bend for- ward. If she tried to do a little hard work she would get such pains that she would have to lie down for the rest of the ay. “ At last I persuaded her to stop drink- ing coffee and try Postum Food Coffee, and she did so, and has used Postum ever since ; the result has been that she can now do her work, can sit for a whole day and mend and can sew on the machine, and she never feels the least bit of pain in her side; in fact, she has got well, and it shows coffee was the cause of the whole trouble, “I could also tell you about several other neighbors who have been cured by quitting coffee and using Postum in its “ There's a Reason.” package for the famous little book, “ The Road to Wellville.” place.” Look in comicbooks.com