Judge — August 10, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GUFFEY’S VACATION; OR, THE LURE OF THE WILD. YOUNG Henderson Gulfey of Bracy & Brent, Upon his vacation as usual went To rest from his labors at walking the floor About the big store, “Pointing out counters for hardware and silk.”” Where, all through the winter, the spring, and the fall, He'd held himself ready to answer the call Of ladies and misses, who purchase their laces, And ribbons, and doodads, and falals, at Bracy’s : Pointing out counters for hardware and silk ; Kipling and fig-nuts and Davis and milk ; Mowing-machines marked down for the farme Four-iu-hand ties and near-woolen pajamas ; Favors for Germans and kitchen utensils ; Ricycle fixings, indelible pencils ; Monkeys, and puppies, and Angora cats ; Opera-cloaks and assortments of hats— All of the things that a loor-walker steady Ever is ready ‘To do for the ladies who come by the score ‘To get their supplies at the Bracy-Brent store. One year for a change Guffey went to the mountains. There to enjoy all the curative fountains Places like that ever use to allure Ycople in search of some innocent cure For ailments that come from too great a devotion To work ‘mid the city’s turmoil and commotion, Arrived on the spot Guffey went from the station Up to the Mountain House, filled with elation At thought of the quiet And freedom from riot, The sleep and the rest Up there on the crest, Afar, far away from the bustle and tussle Of town with its ‘endless confusion and hustle, ‘The landlord came out with both hands extended And gave him a welcome that struck him as sphlid, ‘The smile on his face reached to back of his ears, The while in the distance resounded some cheers That, somehow or other, reminded our hero Of bacchanals worthy of Emperor Nero. By John Kendrick Bangs. “My terms,” said mine host, “are five dollars a day, But nothing for you, sir, if only you'll stay A month in my mansion ; the fat of the land Is at your command.” And just then the band Made up of a fiddle, a horn, and piano, Played on by two girls, and a near-blonde soprano, Provided relief By breaking the quiet with “Hail to the Chief," And. while the band thundered and blundered along In its welcoming song, Young Henderron Guffey was wondering why His coming was greeted with feelings so high. But, being a youth of some gumption and thrift, He couldn't turn back on so easy a gift, And so he replied "T would give him much pride To stay on the terms which his host, well-intentioned, Had mentioned. To rest for himself and prepare for the irk Of next winter's work. And worst of it all, at the end of ten days He found he'd acquired sixteen fiancées— The hotel was empty when Guffey got there, The office was lonely, the porches were bare. None played on the golf links, and all the canoes Were free of young wooers as Tophet of dews ; When, all of a sudden, arrivals flowed in Like rain through the holes of a roof made of tin. Young ladies, old ladies, and maidens whose years Could only be guessed at, with rings in their ears ; ‘The prim and demure, and the simpering, too, The coy and flirtatious, the Lrainy and blue ; The timid, the trustful, the fluttering kind ‘The fluffy, to frivolous fashion inclined ; ** Slid down the veranda." Tho! just how he got em poor Guffey ne’er knew— ‘And that's why he flew. One dark, stormy night he climbed out of his bed, Slid down the veranda, and cityward fled. Next morn in a paper an ‘ad. met his eye, And Guffey knew why That landlord had kept him for nothing a day, With the fat of the land Always at his command ; For there in the paper, with big double head, Young Henderson read : THE MOUNTAIN HOUSE OPEN THE FIRST OF JULY Ite Views Unsurpassed Fine Golf Links Near By @00D TABLE goob Music AMERICAN PLAY IN CONSTANT ATTENDANCE ONE GOOD-LOOKING MANI!! obekas, N.Y. No Charge for His Service. For terms Tod. REUBES SKINS “ By thunder!" cried Guffey Inclined to be huffy. : “« No wonder he kept me for nothing a day, Refusing all pay! He's used me for bait in a horrible way, And ‘stead of a guest in high honor, I've been Just a little plain worm fastened on to a pin, To catch all the gudgeons that duffer had reasorr To think that he needed to build up his season! In short,” he remarked in a tone of dismay, ““L've been played by a Rube for a regular jay!" “Like Mr. Napoleon's legion of France." Sweet graduates fresh from their studies galore ; School-ma‘ams by the dozen, of widows a score— They came in such bunches that Guffey suspected The place by a feminine plague was infected— Mothers, and sisters, and cousins and aunts, Like Mister Napoleon's legion of France Descending on Italy, seeking their prey, Poured in every day, Till every square inch of the hotel was filled With dames much bedizened, beribboned and frilled. And Guffey! Poor wight, Discovered himself in a horrible plight ! He giggled, and gabbled, and gadded about With this one and that one ; he took them all out Canoeing, and paddled until his poor back Gave way with a crack. He talked and he walked, he danced and drank tea, Till he scarcely could see. He fussed Till he cussed ; Made eyes at the young ones ; held yarn for the old ; At little bridge parties made free with his gold ; He played in theatricals, posed in charades ; Quadrilled with the wedded and waltzed with the maids; Climbed mountains and picnicked ; went straw-riding till The motion thereof made him frightfully ill— In short, Mr. Guffey, of Bracy & Brent, The day and night spent In dancing attendance on sisters, and aunts, And mothers, and cousins, with never a chance And all through the autumn and next winter term At least one floor-walker was meek as a worm! “* Meek as a worm.” comicbooks.com