Judge — July 27, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE QUERULOUS QUICK-LUNCHER. FAT in haste and repent in pepsin. Do not eat with your knife ; it spills the beans. A penny saved is a penny earned—by the doctor. No man ever ate himself to death on a meal-ticket. Five minutes saved in eating; five hours lost in diges- tion, Chew your food not at all. It will then stay with you longer. Concrete construction was known long years ago by pie- bakers. Ever pick a bit of lamb's wool out of a plate of «real chicken-soup ? If the restaurants used ++ musical" plates those continual crashes could be orchestrated. Do you give the waiter a tip? Sure, else he gives his waiter a tip and soup goes in your lap. Talk about matinée idols! Have you ever noted the waiter who has invented a new phrase, such as + Chicago and Boston Express,” meaning “pork and beans in a hurry"? raven pay suevum. HOW HE GOT THE IDEA. eeMAAr” M* Yes, dearest; what is it?” “+ Did you get my baby sister at the grocery ?” -- WHAT MADE HIM. “Of course not. What ever put such an idea in your head?” “* How did Percy van Saphedde happen to get such a vogue?” : . yaa “Haven't you heard? Why, they were visiting the zoo the other day, ana they «It says on the grocer's wagon, * Families supplied. found Percy actually conversing with the monkeys in their own language.”’ ~. TOO SHORT NOTICE. j | +#OPED Uncle Jed" was so fond of his coppers as to have acquired | the reputation in Millville of being a «+ leetle nigh,” but"he | was also fond of creature comforts. Somehow it taxed his ingenuity | to reconcile these conflicting tastes. The citizens of Millville were much addicted to entertainments of a social and edible nature called «*subscription parties,” and Uncle Jed was almost invariably one of the participants. He sacri- ficed his desire for economy, however, by fasting for a certain length of time beforehand. On one occasion a party was hastily arranged “in honor of a transient guest of the town, and Uncle Jed was informed of the affair on the forenoon of the very day on which the entertainment was to be given. . **No, no!" said the old man emphatically. ++I should have been happy to go if you'd gin me more notice. You gin’rally charge about four times what it's wuth, anyway ; but if I have a chance to git ready, I can git about half my money's wuth. As it is, I can’t go this time. It’s too short notice.” JUST HAD TO LET HIM DO IT. Editor—**| hated to refuse Scribbler’s poem, It was a good one.” Sub-editor—“ Then why did you refuse it 2” Editor—«Why, he said if I didn’t take it he would kill himself.” DIVIDEND JUST DUE. * But wouldn't you like to live your life over again?” *« Not so as you could notice it. I've got a twenty-year insurance-policy coming due next week." AN APPEAL TO CAESAR EDITORIUS. [ SOLD some verses not long since; Now, poets are a hungry lot ‘They paid me just five dollars. (I do not know who said it). Enough to buy a shirt or two ‘They long for silver and for gold, And half a dozen collars. But even more for CREDIT. You thought the poem rather good— And if you be an honest man, In fact, you even quote it. And not a sinner hoary, You name the mag. that gave the five, You'll give us all a fairer deal But do not say who wrote it! ‘And let us share the glory ! CHARLES 1. JUNKIN. WHY HE QUIT IT. Percy—‘eAre you still keeping up your deep-breathing exercises, old chap?” Ferdy—*1 have discontinued it for atime, dear boy. I am rooming next door to a glue-factory just at present.” INVITED OUT. “ How did her father treat you?” PROUD TO HAVE IT. uite warmly. He invited me out.” , i ‘ . i -sician?” Indeed !** 46QAY, pa, what Yo they mean by a fashionable physician ? Yes. He said, ‘Come outside, where there'll be ++ A fashionable physician, my son, is one who makes any disease epidemic?" _no danger of smashing the furniture.’ comicbooks.com