Judge, 1907-07-20 · page 6 of 16
Judge — July 20, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces about domestic life and manners circa early 1900s: **"Fussley's Scheme Fell Through"** mocks anxious wives and hen-pecked husbands. Mr. Fussley meticulously prepares a checklist for their country trip to prevent his nervous wife's complaints, but she immediately finds an unchecked item, undermining his efforts. The joke satirizes the stereotype of nagging wives and defeated husbands. **"A Presidential Compliment"** references the late President McKinley, depicting him as gallant and witty. When a woman wishes her husband had McKinley's temper, he cleverly responds that two such temperaments in one family would be excessive—a polite deflection that makes her blush. This flatters McKinley's reputation for affability. **"Amply Protected"** is a brief joke about marital jealousy: a wife isn't worried about her husband's attractive stenographer because she employs a handsome chauffeur—suggesting mutual "protection" through counter-temptation. All three pieces reflect early-20th-century gender dynamics and domestic anxieties.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ruin that new parlor carpet in a week or two, Oh, I'll never take a moment's comfort while I'm away—not a moment's comfort! You'll have to go back, Charles.” Fussley did not reply for atime. He took out his hand- kerchief and mopped his per- spiring face, and then savagely tore up into little bits the list of things he was to remember. Finally he heaved a deep sigh, and slowly arose and said, *+Oh, I suppose I'll have to do it, or you'll worry us both todeath. We'll have to take the 2:20 train if I can get back in time. Mrs. Fussley, do you know what we are going to do next year to end this sort of ONS THE? DIAMOND. thing 2" FLauinco saseman—" These high ones ++ What, Charles 2” are easy!" “We are going to close up the house and board somewhere in the neighborhood for a week or two, and that will give you a chance to go home every day and see that nothing THE PROTECTING CLOUDS. has been forgotten.” Ah Lewis, “What! fishing Instead of attending Sunday-school? Don't A PRESIDENTIAL COMPLIMENT. you know the Lord looks down and sees everything you do?" - im ‘ F “¥ep) but be can't eee nothin’ to-day fr’s too cloedy.” HE late President McKinley was one of the most amiable men in the world, and could be equally gallant. On one occasion a very sweet and FUSSLEY'S SCHEME FELL THROUGH. attractive woman said to him, HE Fussleys had started for the country. That is, they had “Mr. President, I do wish my husband had such a temper as yours.” reached the depot, and their train was about due, when “Thank you,” he responded, bowing ; + but, really, madam, you ask Mrs, Fussley suddenly caught her husband by the arm and ex- too much.” She didn’t quite catch the drift of his reply, and looked it. citedly exclaimed, “You see,” he went on, «two such tempers in the same family would «Charles, Lam sure we forgot to close the window in the be a prodigality of sweets.” The explanation made the drift quite apparent, even if the President hadn't laughed a little at her, and her face reddened like a girl's. library, and "— “Now, don’t have a nervous fit, Julia!” cut in Fussley. «Every summer we go away you hang around this old depot for hours, while I'm sent home ‘on fool errands; but this time I'm prepared for you. For the past three weeks I've been jot- ting down the little things that you're always so nervous about, and I have carefully attended to them all. Here, I'll read you the list, and you'll see that I've checked off everything : * Put out the cat—O. K. Lock all doors and win- dows—O. K. “*Take in the clothes- lines—O. K. “*Give front-door key to Brown—O. K. “+Leave canary-bird at Smith's—O. K. c “Notify postman where to leave mail—O. K. + Put covers on parlor chairs—O. K. “Put cellar-boards over gratings—O. K. “*Take in chairs from veranda—O. K. “*Pull down window- shades— * Take in’ "—— «Hold on, Charles!" in- terrupted Mrs. Fussley. «You haven't an +O. K." after that last item.” **N-no, I haven't; but I must have attended to it. We wouldn't go away without no- ticing the shades.” AMPLY PROTECTED. igpctamcon: injsuchia ‘ Aren't you afraid, Mrs. Miggs, to let your husband have such a beautiful stenographer in his office?” hurry. Dear me! the sun will “Not at all, I have the handsomest chauffeur in town.”* comicbooks.com