Judge — July 13, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SS es ZBig ile A CIS Sa SS aS PUBLISHED WEEKLY 225 Foumrn Ave., New Youx. Canis Appurss,“Jupcang.” Tex, 2214 Gramencr. John A. Sleicher, President Fourth A A. Nichols, Secretary: Treasurer. ven York. Wasraxn Apvernisinc Orrice— 1313 Hartford Building, Chicage, It UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. Ove copy, one year.orsnumbers= = = ee Ove copy, six months. or 26 numoers : ‘One copy, for thirteen weeks TERMS TO SUBSCRIP $3.00 230 oe ge 135 Incloding the Cunistaas Juocs FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal onion. $5.0 a year. Eonorean sates-acunts—tuternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane. E.C. London: Brentana's. Avenue del" Otera, Paris The contents of JUDGE are protected by conyright in both the United States and Great Britain. CONTRIBUTORS must inciose 4 stamped and self-adiressed entveiope with all manascriots, otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be ovaranteed. DRAWINGS and ail contribations sent to the Art Department should have the sender's felt name and address ‘written plainty on each and every seoarate sketch. descriptive letter-oress should in every instance be written avon its indtoidual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paper. insure safe and prompt return of mater(al not acceotes. Swarhach's News Exchange, Maine, Germany. infringement of this copyright will be oromotly and Picoroesiy erosecuted. The accompanying joke or Inciosare of stamps to the fall amount of rostage is also required, 10 MW JUDGE cansot be found at any vews-etand, the publishers will be wader obligations if that tact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. ‘THE LIAR AND THE FINE ART OF LYING. RESIDENT HADLEY’S baccalaureate on “ The Liar” gives a novel direction to commencement admonition. The subject is more, rather than less, startling just because it’s so commonplace, and the stern be- seechment to quit lying has almost an hilariously amusing quality, since it We had supposed the fine art of lying had gained universal indorsement. We have lately heard a reformer declare that no reform can go forward without it. For instance, is it intended to promote a certain specific amendment in law? Then, by all means, don’t say so, but announce something entirely different, something inoffensive, something that nobody cares anything about. Do the innocuous thing with a fine nonchalance, write a new law large, fill it with verbiage, profess indifference to its fate, and then see to it that the specific thing desired is stowed away secretly in its most forbiddingly turgid section, and there you are! That’s the way the plutes do, said the reformer, and the angels of light must learn from the angels of darkness how to do things. The phi- losophy of the business is simple. If you want a thing done, and show by excess of feeling that you want it done, it must be there’s a reason why you want it done. There is somebody else who has just as strong a reason for not wanting it done, but he doesn’t know it until he knows why you want it done. Hence the way to doa thing is not to let anybody know what you're doing. Another way is to say just the opposite of what you believe. Do you want the nomination for congress, Presidency, alderman- ship? Then declare you don’t want it and wouldn't have it. In short, if you want to go anywhere go the other way. If we read in our morning paper, “* This hat cost us $1.00, Earlier in the season we were selling it for $5.00, but we are content with less profit now, and are asking but $3.00,”” we would go across the street and buy where the sign read, “* Worth $5.00. Going at $1.00.‘ Nobody lies. The word is brutal. But ‘‘ by indirec- tion? we “find direction out.’”” is so obviously impractical. ‘THE MYSTERY OF THE PREVAILING TIP. se THE WAITERS, in cocvention assembled, have condemned tipping. They object to it, and always have objected to it. The tip offends their self-respect; it keeps dewn thelr waxes. Every solid reason is against it. There are three parties to the tip—the giver. the receiver, and the receiver's employer. And here is the queer thing about the whole business: Tne giver of the tip, by a big majority, is hotly opposed to it. The receiver of the tip has now confessed that he condemns it; that it assails his pride as a man, and works actual hardship to him as a wage-earner. The employer of the tippee in most cases decries it—and yet tipping goes on. The re- sentful giver gives, the objecting taker takes, and the disapproving sponsor approves. This, come to think, is about the way of most of the other wrong practices in this wrong old world. Nobody approves, nobody in- dorses, but they goon. As a matter of fact, the waiters only object to the tip “in convention assembled.”” When the man with the tip approaches they extend the welcoming hand. So with the tipper. He swears at the practice, but it tickles his pride all the same, and gives an inexpensive thrill of uppishness, caddishness, superiority, and condescension. So he tips. The employer prevaricates also. He knows the tip cuts his wages bill— sometimes he comes in for a ‘‘divvy.’’ In short, the three parties to the tip, when they say they object, are only trying to cover up the fact that they are what President Hadley says they should not be. THE ULTIMATUM OF THE INDIANA GIRLS, THOSE Indiana maidens who have decided that wooers must have a financial rating of at least $2,000 in cash or goods and chattels earned, and $2,000 in futures in the shape of life-insurance, are the pace-makers for ail marriageable women of the modern type. The girls in this combine reside in rural communities, where material assets range low. Adopting the same policy, the urban girl would have to require, say, $10,000 of ac- crued fortune and $10,000 in mortuary collateral, while in the largest cities the minimum might rise to $50,000, or even higher. The day is gone by, ap- parently, when the nuptial contract called for nothing more substantial than love’s sweet vows. In some parts of the country, in the good old days, a bag of beans for the parson and two dollars in cash was considered an am- ple start for a conjugal career. Even now we sometimes hear of a brid groom who has to persuade the preacher to trust him for his fee. But this is now to be done away with. There’s no use in poking fun at the Indiana maidens and their calculating thrift, for their move jumps with the spirit of the times, and will strike most people as indicating a very commonsens- ible mood for young ladies to cultivate. Instead of quarreling with this ultimatum, young men ought to set forth their demands, It might be well to require the young women to show some qualifications for the business of bossing a home, beautifying and beatifying it. ing passes is the Kishosoquillas Valley. Even Roggie Sullivan of Chicago is at it. Harvey. That settles it. The worst has happened. reeds a Jose of hard times. By the way, Mr. McDougal was saying ee DE the sane thing this time last year. EEMS queer that the only road in the country that can go right on issu- FINING a Democrat is coming to be the recreation of the country. EUROPE hot for re-election of Mr. Roosevelt, reports Colonel Alphabet MUsT come. Banker McDougal of Buffalo says so. The country comicbooks.com