Judge, 1907-07-06 · page 6 of 16
Judge — July 6, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes American Independence Day celebrations through multiple angles. The poem "A Fourth-of-July Picnic" mocks the predictable, commercialized nature of the holiday—loud clothing, clichéd patriotic speeches, and cheap food ("crackers" and "pop"). The cartoon series depicts a child's chaotic day launching fireworks at six different times, illustrating the genuine danger fireworks pose to children—the stated concern being "keeping children out of harm's way." Related humor pieces mock drinking culture around the holiday: a "Fourth-of-July surprise cocktail" is simply mixed liquor that makes drinkers "see stars" (implying injury), and a grocer's insurance workaround involves stocking water-crackers alongside firecrackers. Overall, the satire critiques how Fourth-of-July celebrations devolve into noisy excess, commercialism, and recklessness—particularly dangerous for children—rather than genuine patriotic reflection.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A FOURTH-OF-JULY PICNIC. PICNICKED on the glorious Fourth, And strange things there I saw— No cooked-up patriotism, you bet, But everything was "Rah. The girls they wore their hair in bangs, And were a cheerful crowd, While every fellow on the grounds Wore clothing that was loud. I wandered all arourid and heard The speakers everywhere, And never once sat down, although ‘The cheers were plenty there. The picnic music beat the band, The air was full of airs ; And while the drinkers drank their horns The tooters tooted theirs. The bill-of-fare was just the thing To make the patriots hop ; For crackers were the food they ate, And what they drank was pop. And when the day was done I thought One-fourth of so much noise Was quite enough to satisfy Our patriotic joys. WILLIAM, LAMPTON. WHERE THE SURPRISE CAME IN. | cS ; ; *¢GIMME a Fourth-uv-July surprise res ed = cocktail,” said the tough-look- sf aa : ing individual with the red nose and SUGGESTION FOR KEEPING CHILDREN OUT OF HARM'S WAY ON THE protruding chin as he leaned on the bar NATIONAL HOLIDAY. and smacked his lips.“ An’ say, cully, put plenty uv patriotism in her, or dere’s liable ter be a rough-house it is a3 long as it's strong. Now, a big dash uv pepper-sauce an’ a in dis shanty.” hunk uv lemon an’ a shake, an’ ye've got sumthin’ ter make a patriot «That's a new drink on me,” replied the bar-tender. uv any man, Dat’s de way, cully. An’ here's to 4e glorious Fourth, “Wot ! never heard uv a Fourth-uv-July surprise cocktail? Well, de day we licked somebody, but I don’t jist recollect his name.” cully, git busy, an’ I'll put yer next ter de greatest wash ever. Now, “+ Why do they call that a Fourth-of-July surprise cocktail ?" asked shut yer peepers an’ pour four or five different kinds uv booze ina glass _ the bar-tender’as he waited for his pay. wid a hunk uv ice in it. Don't make no difference wot kind uv booze + Cause it makes yer see stars fer one ra ** But where does the sur- THE ANNALS OF A JOYOUS DAY TOLD IN SIX OUTBURSTS. Prise come in?” “Why, you gits de sur- prise!" replied the other as he dashed out the door and was lost to sight in the passing crowd. HEADING OFF TROUBLE, +6 PARKER, the village gro- cer, is going to carry a fine lot of fire-crackers this year.” “Won't the insurance companies make a row with him about it?” “No. He's going to lay in an extra stock of water- crackers at the same time.” BOOSTING BUSINESS. Pitly—“The doctor has given a number of the boys in the neighborhood a dollar apiece to spend for fireworks, Isn't he a fine fellow?” Smartly —* Well —er — he's quite a business man, at any rate.” OVERHEARD ON THE THIRD, Mrs. Gunbusta—" My boy, always remember that second thoughts are always best.” Young Wilfred —* Second thoughts! Gee! I think Fourth thoughts are best now.” comicbooks.com