Judge — June 29, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

fy)! rl THE SENSITIVE CROW. There once was a sensitive crow, Who never near corn-fields would go If the scarecrow displayed Was not nicely arrayed In style from its head to its toe. PHILOSOPHY OF A POLITICIAN. CANDIDATE wit‘out enemies usually ain't got no frien’s, either. A policeman an’ a car-conductor oughn’t t' have no trouble startin’ a s'loon. A man’s vote is priceless—it's far too val uable be given away fer nawthin’, Lemme run me ward an‘ I don't care what congress makes th’ nation’s laws. Many a statesman who calls himself self made is nawthin’ else but machine-made. My eppitaff? Put these touchin’ words on th’ tombstun above me name: * I got mine.” When th’ reformers start t’ puttin’ graft- givers inter th’ pen there won't be any bribe-takers. Th’ lad who is caught with th’ goods on him soon finds himself wit’ another kind 0’ goods on—striped. Naw; th’ originators of a big graft never git nabbed. It’s th’ slow-pokes who Start ter imitate them just about th’ time th’ peepul are wakin’ up.” PETER PRY SHEVLIN, ENLISTING A SUPERIOR MOTIVE, 44] TS years since I've seen your wife around She has always been more or less of an invalid, hasn’t she 2” “Yes; but I thought it non- serfse, so I told her so much, that I would in- crease her allow- to pay her doctor's bills. She hasn't had a ance, she doctor since, nor been to his office. You see, she must have clothes. Great scheme that, It’s a sure cure for fashionable inva- lidism.”" her husband an unpleasant person 2" “My, yes! As unpleasant as the man in a woman's novel.” that we could lure to his doom! A BEVY OF MISSES. THE tattler—Mis-inform. Engaged girl s-taken, The heavy-weight—Mis-lead. Ballet-girls—Mis-understandings. The heiress—Mis-fortune. The hustler—Mis-do. Gullible girl—Mis-believe, The grafter—Mis-appropriate. Well-bred girls—Mis-behave. The gossip—Mis-tell. The liberal girl— Mis-treat. The typist—Mis-print. Well-informed girl “« Bridge” enthusiast — Mis-deal. Leading lady—Mis-chief. ‘Mis-read. Chewing-gum girl —Mis-choose. The robust girl—Mis-fit. Woman's-rights girl—Mis-represented. NOTHING DOING. Coward —** Nope. garden.” LIMITED VIRTUE. Juvce—"* Officer, what is Mr. Oyster's rep- utation ?" Orricer—"' Very poor, your honor. He is never good more than eight months of the year.”” " Howard— Going to keep chickens this year?” Our neighbors have no AND CUPID SHRIEKED! Miss Puritania—‘* Money is the enemy of all good breeding. Miss Furrant—' Perhaps; but the av- erage woman loves a man for the enemies he has made."* ADVICE TO AFTER-DINNER ORATORS. MASE for yourself one litte joke, But known to be your own, ‘Tis better than a thousand plucked From fields by others sown, FEMININE INTUITION. THEY stood in the purple gloaming of the hazy June twilight. Above them drooped the wistaria; from afar drifted the fragrance of the dewy honeysuckles. it was an evening to inspire the heart and to thrill the soul. + Evangeline,” sighed Hector Montmo- rency, ‘1 cannot begin to tell you how much T love you.” «You "—she hesitated—* you might at least try, mightn’t you? If you give me but an inkling perhaps I can guess the rest.” He should have known better than to think of marrying a woman who was such a good guesser. A PRAYER FOR RAIN. HE Episcopal minister was having Sunday dinner with one of his parishioners, Sud- denly the eight- year-old daughter of the house spoke up. “Oh, Dr. Still! will you please say the prayer for rain to-night, so it will pour to-morrow?” she urged. “Why, dear?” asked the clergy man. «Cause I have a dandy new um- brella and mackin- SIRENS. Poenc srinster—‘* Oh, isn’t it delightfully romantic! Now, if there were only some seafaring Ulysses tosh,” replied the eternal womanly UNCLE IKE MURMURS. TOO menny pee- pul cut their wizdum-teath on prizzen-fair. comicbooks.com