Judge — June 29, 1907 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MAKING TROUBLE, I see an average man needs | She— six hundred pounds weight ae thousand J food ere He—* Yes ; but he doesn’t want it in qce batch of biscuits, dear."— Yonkers Salesman. THE WAY OF IT. Knicker —“ How is the administration run?” Bocker— Taft is supposed to do all tte good things, and Loeb all the bad ings." —Vew York Sun. A SONG OF POSSIBILITIES. Root ’s the smartest man we have (Barring Ted). Wood 's the bravest of the brave (Barring Ted). Locb 's the best man on a horse, Taft ’s the chap of greatest force, In both instances, of course, Barring Ted. Bryan stands the fourest-square (Barring Ted). Shaw displaces most warm air (Banting Ted). Garfield bears the strongest lance, Fairbanks wears the longest pants, Hughes, however, stands best chance, Barring Ted. — Courier-Journal. ‘TRIED EVERYTHING. Yeast—*"Do you like the hash your Lindlady makes 2” Grimsonbeak—" No een very successful with it Yeast—" Perhaps she doesn’t put the proper ingredients in it.” Ginsonbeak— Well, she's tried every- thing !"—Exchange. I can't say she’s PROMINENT ROLL. Miss Sue Brette— What sort of a réle Gd you have in that last piece 2” Foote Lighte—* Why, | had a roll of sage money as big as a good-sized roll of carpet !""— Yonkers Statesman, The Sohmer Piano has successfully passed the most severe critical test by the highest pssical talent in the world. A MISTAKE, Itis a mistake to suppose that because aboy is quiet, he is necessarily in mis- thief. He may be temporarily asleep.— Somerville Journal. COMPLAINTS FROM THE KITCHEN. “Ideclare it is hard,” sulked the dough. “Here I can’t get the least bit of a rise for yself without being worked.” “Look at me!" sadly replied the egg. Ain't | always getting whipped for other people's deserts ?"— Baltimore American. ty rss of soda_and_a little of Abby You'll be surprised how if will brig! fers ston you up. NOT A BIT OF IT. City boarder —" When you exchanged tle with Farmer Smith did you get a Quid pro quo Farner’ Fones — No; Neighbor! Smith didn't”try no sich mean tricks on| me. We swapped fair and even." —Ex. THE MIRACLE OF VISION. Argus was boasting of his hundred eyes. they sneered, “can you always | viet out an old the car platform Totally abashed, he subsided into si- knee. Vew York Sun. Chicsen-hearted people seldom show 43 inclination to crow.—Ex. vneed a bracer in the morning try a} soldier from the end of |". TO THE DYSPEPTIC. My frand, you would like I should tal w'at I theenk ; You weesh me advisin’ you, too? Wal, den, eet ees justa da food an’ da dreenk ; Dat's al! dat’s da matter weeth you ! Oh, "Merican man! you are maka mees- tak’ For eata so moocha da meat. Wiat for you no learn, for your stomacha sak’, ‘W'at theengs ees da besta for eat? You lika roas’ beef an’ you lika da pie, An’ all so reech fooda like dat ; An’ den you weell growl an’ you wondra for why Sooch pain een da stomach ycu gat. You evva see Dagoman seeck from hees food ? T bat you fi’ dolla, not mooch ! Baycause for hees eatin’ he finda more good Een fruit an’ da salad an’ sooch. Da vegetabals dat ees grow een da spreeng Ees vera bes’ food you can gat, So how you gon’ ‘scusa dees fooleesha theeng You do to Giuseppe Baratt’? Giuseppe — Giuseppe, da barber, ‘now— He tal me you com’ een hees place, An’, while he ees shave you, you grow! at heem so An’ maka sooch frown weeth your face, Baycause he no lika da same kinda food Dat mak’ a man cranky like you. You tal neem da stuff dat he eat ees no good ; He tal me you swear at heem, too— Eh? Yes, dees young onion dat grow een da spreeng, So tender, so juicy, so sweet ! You theenk ees no right he should eat soocha theeng ? Dat's vera bes’ food you can eat ! You would no be crank eef you theenk like I theenk ; You gona be happier, too. You no ondrastan’ da good food an’ good dreenk ; Dat's all dat’s da matter weeth you. —T. A. Daly in Catholic Standard. AN EXCEPTION. Skurry—" No, sir; I've never seen a succes man who talked too much.” Skidd—"" Hold on. Do you see that prosperous \noking fellow just crossing the street? Well, that is worth you johaven us outed goes with I Bini ACCIDENTAL DISCHARGE IMPOSSIBLE prepaid ower a New ¥on Look for the owl's head on the grip straighte: liable revolver made to-day. tioned, beautifully finished ; a gentleman's pistol for pocket, desk of bureau. Lig dh ns pers Pree IVER JOHNSON SAFETY HAMMER REVOLVER Sinch-tarrel, nickel platat finieh fire cartridge. Ee Sewatcnbrocarteidge Sold ty Hardware and praibe of Prive Wer Johnson's Arma & Gyele Wi wers, 183 River St., Fitchburg, Mass. Pacie Const: 1906 Part St, Maters of tver Jotesce Single Baral Shotguns and iver Joharon Tress Bridge Bicycles IvER JOHNSON SAFETY AUTOMATIC REVOLVER The Iver Johnson Safety Automatic Revolver won't go off unless you deliberately pull the trigger. Dothat and you'll find it just as sure as it is safe. The hooting, hardest-hitting, most re- Rightly propor- the Iver fsome cata detail why "* tells Sete it ‘Our har more ‘utors in. public lavor. fetails of construction. IVER JOHNSON SAFETY REVOLVER Goods deaters gverywhere. or sent sertte ice On. Lok Jor ots head Harb Pickhoben 4. London, Lane, B.C. eda, Cal POINTED PARAGRAPHS. Any man can marry an heiress—in a novel, It's hard for the diffident lover to say soft nothings. Bookkeepers for ice companies make a lot of cold calculations. Many a man has been cowed by the milk of human kindness. Give some men bread to-day and they will expect pie to-morrow. When an awkward man lends a hand he's apt to put his foot in it. The joke is usually on those who marry at leisure and repent in haste. A woman can never understand how it is possible for a smart man like her hus- band to get the short end of it in a law- suit. It always arouses more or less suspicion in a man's mind when he expects a scold- ing from his wife and she fails to deliver the goods.— Chicago News, BIRDLIKE, I'd like to be a robin, And on a branch to sway, But since that isn’t possible, I still can be a jay. —Superior Telegram. DOCTOR'S FOOD TALK. one hundred thousand dollars, and he! seri completely disproves your theory.” Skurry—" How so?” Skidd—" He's a barber."—Cleveland Plain Dealer. The nurse-girl should not say that she does not mind the little things. —£: THE RESULT of intelligent, painstaking care of the scalp is healthy hai Packer's‘ Tar Soap Pure as the Pines for over a third of a century has been rec- | ognized as an ideal soap for shampooing. It not only cleans the scalp, but imparts vigor to those glandular structures which are intimately concemed with the growth and vitality of the hair. Its use means a clean, healthy scalp, and lustrous, luxuriant ‘The Packer Mfg. Co, New ‘York City. A Massachusetts doctor says: “Our health and physical and mental happiness are so largely under our personal control that the proper selection of food should be, and is, one of the most important acts in lite. “On this subject, I may say that I know of no food equal in digestibility, and more powerful in point of nutriment, than the modern Grape-Nuts, four heaping tea- spoons of which are sufficient for tne cereal part of a meal, and experience demon- strates that the user is perfectly nourished from one me:4 to another. “Tam convinced that the extensive and general use of high-class foods of this character would increase the term of hu- man life, add to the sum total of happiness and very considerably improve society in | general. 1am free to mention the food, | for I personally know of its value.” Grape-Nuts food can be used by babes in arms, or adults, It is reaky cooked, can be served instantly, either cold with cream, or with hot water or hot milk poured over. All sorts of puddings and |fancy dishes can be made with Grape- Nuts, The food is concentrated and very economical, for four heaping teaspoons are sufficient for the cereal part of a meal. Read the little book, “ The Road to Well- ville,” in packages. |“ There's a Reason. “It can't be done.” “ You can't do it.” “It won't come out that way These words have a familiar sound to every progressive business man as he meets them every day. During a recent week I re- ceived and filled nine hundred and seventy-cight orders for cigars, all’ from individual smokers. To fill these orders required one hundred and thirty-three thousand eight hundred cigars. Of these orders eight hundred and si ty-seven were repeat orders, that is, orders from men who had previously bought cigars from me; and of the one hundred and eleven orders from new customers twenty- six were recommended by my old customers, So, you see, I am “doing it." ‘The reason I am “doing it” is because I send cigars much better than my customers expect to re- ceive. MY OFFER IS :—1 will, upon request, send one hundred Shivers’ Panatela Cigars on approval to any responsible man, express prepald. He may smoke ten cigars and return the re- maining ninety at my exe pense, and no charge for the ten smoked, If he Is not pleased with them; if heis pleased, and keeps them, he agrees to remit the price, , within ten days, In ordering please enclose business card or give per- sonal references, and state whether mild, medium or strong cigars are desired. I manufacture these cigars literally by the million, and sell them to the individual smoker, by the hundred, at whole- sale prices. The fillers are long. clean, clear Havana of good quality. The wrappers are genuine Sumatra. ‘They are hand made. They are the ten cent quality of the dealers, Jand could not be sold through the usual chan. nels to the trade under $50.00 per thousand. ‘The only reason that I can sell them at $5.00 per hundred is repeat orders—it is because the selling cost is practically eliminated I manufacture other cigars than my Pana- tela. If, for any reason, you think that a Panatela wouldn't suit you, and you are open to conviction, let me send you my catalogues. HERBERT D. SHIVERS, 919 Filbert Street, Philadelphia, Pa. @Four 24-Hour Trains to Chicago Every Day—New York Central Lines. comicbooks.com