Judge, 1907-06-15 · page 6 of 16
Judge — June 15, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains multiple brief satirical pieces typical of the publication's style: **"Throwing Out Ballast"** depicts a man bailing water from a sinking boat while claiming he's "lightening" it—satirizing someone making excuses while failing to address the real problem. **"A Comparison"** mocks a stingy donor who refuses church donations by comparing himself unfavorably to Rockefeller and Carnegie, then admits he'd feel worse giving a dime than they'd feel giving away their entire fortunes—exposing the absurdity of his rationalization. **"At the Seashore"** and **"Tender Recollections"** are light romantic humor about engagement and marriage. **"It Would Fidget"** presents a child's literal misreading of a store's moving advertisement—innocent wordplay humor. The remaining pieces are brief jokes about social etiquette, neighbors, and domestic situations. The page represents *Judge's* mix of political/social commentary with genteel domestic humor aimed at middle-class readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THROWING OUT BALLAST. “Say, mister, why don't you give a hand, there, and bail out the boat?” “Allright, ol’ man: but I guess | am lightening the boat some.” A COMPARISON. 66NO; [can’t give you anything for the church,” said the man with the aggressive chin to the minister. + It's all very well for you to tell me how much Rockefeller and Carnegie give, and say their actions are a good example for me; but they could give away half they pos- sess without it hurting them as much as it would me to give a dime.” ++ Possibly,” responded the minister. +*No doubt you are right. Ihave an impression that they could give away all they possess and not feel as badly over it as you would if you gave a nicke AT THE SEASHORE. Weren't we engaged last year?” +I presume so, if you were here when I was.” Gerald— Ay i\> PPERMNN Mint | TENDER RECOLLECTIONS OF THE COURTING DAYS. Mrs. Newtyweo—*' Oh, look. Jack! Father has sold our dear old sofa!’ IT WOULD FIDGET. siTHE word + fidget,’” explained the teacher, **means to move about. Now, children, I want one of you to step to the blackboard and write a sentence containing the word * fidget + Forth stepped the little Wise bey, who wrote, + This store will fidget June first “But who ever heard of a store fidgeting, Johnny ?” asked the teacher. +I don't know ; but the sign on a store down town says that it will move about June first.” WHY NOT? rr ws D you consider it good form," ‘o address a married mermaid young Adam, As mermadam?" NOT SO BAD. ssLJE’S the most pes- tiferous little pup in town, sir!" exclaimed the angry neighbor; «and Itell you you've got to keep him at home, or I'll take a club to him the next time he comes over here and tramples my flower-beds, and “—— You dare to so much as shake your lit- te finger at that dog of mine and I'll knock your head off!" shouted the other man. ++ Who said anything about your dog ? of yours.” “Oh, well, that’s different. him if he bothers you any more.” PREMATURE ANNOUNCEMENT. “Whose girl are you?” “I'm Jimmy Grady’s; but we intended to keep de engagement secret.”” I mean that youngest boy Tl give him a talking to, and whip IS Jones a man of more than average intelligence?” “Yes. His wife died ten years ago and he’s still a widower.” AHEAD OF TIME. It must be time for dinner, I'm just starving.” It's only eleven o'clock. Your stomach ‘s an hour fast."" comicbooks.com